


Administrative Manufacturer Penis Coyote

by JayTDawgzone9999



Series: OC Adventures [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Airport Lounges, Airports, Altered Mental States, Ambiguous Relationships, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Apocalypse, Ass Play, Assjob, Awkward Blow Jobs, Awkward Boners, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Feelings, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Being Lost, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Body Worship, Butt Slapping, Christmas, Cock Slapping, Cold, Cold Weather, Disturbing Themes, Drugs, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Femdom, Feral Hogs, Fireplaces, Flashbacks, Fridge Horror, Gentle Kissing, Getting Lost, Groping, Height Differences, Holding Hands, Hot Springs & Onsen, Hot Tub, Hot Tub Sex, Hotdogging, Huddling For Warmth, I'll organize the tags better as I add more chapters, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inner Dialogue, Insane Clown Posse - Freeform, Inspired by H. P. Lovecraft, Internal Monologue, Juggalos, Kissing, Large Cock, Masturbation in Shower, Mating Press, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentally Disturbed Character, Morally Ambiguous Character, Multi, Multiple Relationships, Mutual Masturbation, Neck Kissing, Nipple Licking, Nipple Play, Non-Chronological, Noodle Incidents, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, Other, POV Multiple, Past Relationship(s), Penis In Vagina Sex, Penis Size, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Political Campaigns, Politically Incorrect Villains, Porn with Feelings, Post-Apocalypse, Psychotropic Drugs, Racist Language, Rain, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sharing, Shower Sex, Showers, Size Difference, Smoking, Stand-alone chapters, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Suggestive Themes, Tall Man/Short Woman, Tall man/Tall Woman, Therapists, Therapy, Threesome, Threesome - F/F/M, Time Skips, To Be Edited, Unexplainable Phenomena, Vaginal Fingering, Violence, Voyeurism, Wandering the Earth, Weed, Weed Smoking, Weird Plot Shit, ambiguous disorder, consensual voyeurism, rainy day, someday I promise I'll organize the tags better, tags will be added as this goes on, weird neighbors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:20:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 59,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27094930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayTDawgzone9999/pseuds/JayTDawgzone9999
Summary: A ball of anxiety with a high IQ and cripplingly low self-esteem has a series of perplexingly peculiar adventures with an eccentric duo of certifiable companions while a bunch of dystopian post-apocalyptic civilizations duke it out to see who can drive the planet straight into the toilet as quickly and efficiently as possible, occasionally accompanied by an equally offbeat ensemble of fresh out of the gourd lunatics from all walks, jogs, sprints, and marathons of life.
Relationships: Original Character/Other(s), Original Female Character & Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character & Original Male Character, other - Relationship
Series: OC Adventures [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906642
Kudos: 4





	1. Obligatory Context/Main Character Description Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> This is (sort of) a sequel to my previous clusterfuck, Executive Producer Dick Wolf. The premise is nearly identical except this time the porn involves a female third party. The first chapter will have some basic character descriptions for those who haven't read the first part (which isn't necessary to understand anything happening here but provides a little extra context,) and to introduce the new character. Not every chapter will contain explicit smut, some are just little drabbles of random bullshit that happens but be warned that this is rated E for a reason and not just for sex.

Characters introduced in the first part: 

1) Joseph (not his real name, but it's what most people call him.)

age: somewhere in his 20's

height: 6'9"

weight: around 300 lbs??? 

race/ethnicity: Everyone has their own theory and most of them are either mostly or completely wrong but anyone who sees him can guess that he's neither white nor black.

looks like: Tall, looks like he belongs in Jojo/Baki/Fist of the North Star, generally has a fit, muscular physique but also looks like he'd be able to lose weight a little too easily, long thick straight red hair that goes about halfway down his back, light brown skin that doesn't get him profiled as any one race in particular, eyes are kind of narrow, high cheekbones, has perfectly straight white teeth is usually smiling/usually has a friendly expression on his face but has a bit of a crazy look in his eyes. Has little/no body hair and can't grow any facial hair or chest hair. Looks like the kind of guy who will fight someone in the back of a 7-11 at 3 a.m for half of a bag of corn chips (and probably would,) has rough, calloused hands and knuckles and long fingers, his eyes are a bright shade of violet/purple but sometimes his pupils are the wrong size and sometimes he has mildly bloodshot eyes. 

other: Is generally outgoing, extroverted, and friendly for the most part, though there are times where he seems to lack self control and has a strong inclination to solve problems with physical violence in a sort of "when you all have is a hammer" kind of way. Impulse control is not his friend, and his social skills limit the kinds of settings he can comfortably exist in without getting into trouble. Is almost completely illiterate and struggles with basic math problems, but has a photographic memory. Is the kind of guy who will ask you "What does this button do?" and probably end up pressing it anyways regardless of what you tell him. Despite having a rather violent approach to life and being a bit too enthusiastic about fighting and killing, he'll be just as happy petting dogs or holding babies or playing with little kids as he'll be beating the shit out of someone/multiple someones for all sorts of reasons. He also has an unexpected passion for interior decorating, though if you paid him to decorate your house, you'd probably come back to it looking like Gaston's tavern. He loves women just as much as he hates most forms of technology, mainly for the fact that he can't figure out how to use it and once threw a 60-inch flatscreen TV out of a window because the remote batteries died. Psychologists would have a field day with him, at least before throwing their hands up in confusion and frustration. 

2)

Keiko

age: late teens (no younger than 17)

height: about 5 feet tall

weight: about 100-110 lbs.

race/ethnicity: white and asian 

looks like: small and petite with breasts that might be around a B or a C cup or so, people generally describe her as cute rather than sexy, often said to have a friendly but sad looking face. Has blue eyes, soft light pink hair (more of a peachy tone,) in soft loose curls that are about chin-length. Slightly pale but nothing that would turn heads. Besides the shape of her eyes, most of her facial features are more European looking. Has soft skin and very little body hair, is rather soft and delicate looking overall, and her body weight varies a little depending on her circumstances, as she loses her appetite when her stress levels increase. Often has slight dark circles under her eyes and a sad look in her eyes. 

other: Is very shy and reserved, gets easily embarrassed/flustered and often thinks little of herself, owing to environmental factors and her own mental health issues. Likes reading and does very well in school, learns very quickly and has a large vocabulary but rarely uses it out of fear that other people won't understand her or will think she's a snob. Always tries to help people and tries to look for the good in people, sometimes to a fault. Better safe than sorry is the motto by which she lives her life, and her default mode of thinking is to immediately scan the environment for signs of danger and worry about what might happen and what can be done to fix it. Tends to take criticism seriously and will do whatever she can to avoid conflict and patch up problems that occur between her and other people. Is sometimes called a wet blanket by other people but many people like her for her kind, thoughtful nature. Being the center of attention often makes her nervous, especially if people are paying attention to her for her rather than something specific she did, and she has a habit of hiding her face in her hands when she gets embarrassed or flustered. Is like the Energizer bunny, but with anxiety instead of energy. She's not very good at most sports/physical activities and lacks stamina but tries to take care of herself and takes walks and does yoga regularly. Despite having severe problems with anxiety herself, she'll do whatever she can to help other people who are feeling scared or nervous because she doesn't want anyone else to feel that way. 

New character: 

3) 

Leila (not her real name, which she only share with a certain few people.) 

age: early 20's

height: 6 feet

weight: around 180-190 lbs???

race/ethnicity: While everyone can correctly guess that she's neither white or black, beyond that it's anyone's guess.

looks like: long red hair that she usually wears in a single braid down her back, dark violet/purple eyes, light brown skin, has very small breasts, barely an A-cup and doesn't need to wear a bra (or fit into regular bras), wide hips, thick thighs, has the kind of shape that could be described as pear-shaped. Is lean and muscular but (at least below the waist) has a rather feminine figure, very long legs, and looks like she could lose weight a little too easily. Usually has a serious or stoic expression, revealing very little about what she's thinking or feeling. She goes through about half the amount of emotional/mood swings most people go through in an average day, and thus doesn't have dimples or laugh lines or anything of the sort. Often described as pretty but in an intimidating way, and people often describe her as pretty or striking rather than cute or sexy. Has abs that are more visible/well-defined than most men, a slightly smaller than average mouth, perfectly straight white teeth, and her eyes, while pretty, are rather cold. She doesn't wear a smile often, but when she does it's kind of creepy because she doesn't know how to smile properly. 

other: Is described as very, very weird by just about everyone who meets her. Is quiet but not shy, and often has trouble interpreting sarcasm and jokes. Is wrongly assumed to have no sense of humor, but it's much more limited than most people's. Has piss poor social skills, but for very different reasons than Joseph. Gets panic attacks in loud, crowded environments with a lot of vehicles, bright unnatural lights, and noises from machines, though crowds in more natural settings don't bother her. Making small talk is excruciatingly difficult for her and she's very blunt to the point of derailing conversations unintentionally. Her motto is "people were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason" but if asked to share her opinion, she won't censor it for anyone and has no taboos talking about things that many other people find inappropriate. Is very literal-minded and often has troubles guessing what emotions other people are feeling, leaving her frustrated with other people but unsure why. Treats others the way she would want to be treated most of the time unless they offend her, but her idea of how she wants to be treated is alien enough from other people often enough that this leads to serious problems. Can speak many languages and is almost as intelligent as Keiko, but often has a flat affect and a monotone voice which often leaves people guessing whether or not she really understands what they're saying.

Generally speaking, all 3 of them will be featured in most chapters but there might be an occasional chapter now and then with only one or two of them depending on what I feel like writing. 


	2. Discovering Terrible Lakefront Property Is Not the Worst Thing About Being Lost in the Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's what's on the inside that counts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically a sequel to the first part of this series but just like the first part, the chapter are not in any way chronological, so feel free to read them in any order you want.

The air was cool, the sun not quite as bright as it should be, although perhaps that was only because of the clouds. Yeah, it's probably just the clouds-in truth, Keiko wasn't sure, but she didn't feel like thinking about it. 

Crouching behind a bush, her hand covering her mouth to keep from screaming, Keiko waited, saying nothing. Conversation was never her strong suit, but there was nothing to say, so she supposed she could let it slide for now. 

Some time ago, though exactly what time that was had started to become more and more of a mystery as the seconds and minutes of waiting in terrified silence passed, Keiko, along with her two friends, had discovered an old-fashioned, quaint looking little cabin near the big lake they had stumbled upon after hours of wandering around the forest lost as hell. Friends was not quite the right word to describe them, but there they were, and there she was, and somehow despite none of them ever really being able to understand each other, they got along. Most of the time. 

When they spotted the tiny little house on the edge of the horizon, Joseph paused, as if he had heard something, though Keiko didn't hear anything and if Leila did, she didn't mention it. Unlike some of the time when Keiko only felt nervous because that was what her brain was telling her to do, this time she knew something was wrong. She had no hunter's instinct nor a great deal of knowledge about the Outside-the world outside the New Republic of America-but she knew what she felt in her bones was no lie. 

The forest was quiet, and the lake was even quieter-that in itself was a bad sign, they all agreed on that, even if none of them could fully explain why. 

"Kind of odd to find a cabin this far north." Joseph mused. "Mostly because the people who live here don't build cabins." 

"They used to." Leila added. "That was hundreds of years ago, though." 

Keiko felt her saliva dry up, swallowing a little too hard. 

Joseph gave her an odd look, the expression on his face somewhere between confused and unreadable. "Then-" he paused, as if trying to puzzle out a thought that refused to dislodge itself from his brain and travel from there to his mouth. "Ah, never-mind, I'm not gonna say it, you'll probably think I'm stupid." 

Leila glanced over at him-if there was any emotion hidden underneath her stoic expression, Keiko couldn't read it. Granted, Keiko had not known either of them all that long, but she met Leila a few hours before meeting Joseph, and those were some of the weirdest hours of her life. "Not necessarily-sometimes you really are just dense." 

Joseph shot her an annoyed look, though one without any significant malice behind it. "Yeah, yeah, I know you're smarter than me, you don't have to rub it in." 

"Honesty is not the same thing as rubbing it in." 

A moment passed before Joseph tossed his backpack to Leila, picking up the axe he had been carrying around and kicking down the door. 

"What the-" 

Leila shrugged, saying nothing while Keiko took a few steps back. 

The sound of the door crashing down was jarring compared to the excessive silence they had been surrounded by for the last several hours, which had only grown more noticeable as the time passed. 

"Doesn't look like anyone's lived here in a long time, or maybe at all." Joseph mused, glancing around with a hint of curiosity. " At this point, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but we can either take advantage of it or keep on moving and look for somewhere else to stay-"

Leila knew the way his voice dropped off after the last word signaled that something was terribly wrong, but there was no point in telling him what she knew he had already figured out. 

"See those bushes over there?" 

"Yeah, what about them?" Keiko was used to Leila's voice being rather flat and monotone so normally she thought nothing of it but something about the quality of the older girl's voice, despite sounding almost the same as normal, rang alarm bells in her head. 

"Hide." 

_____

Keiko didn't remember how long she had been hiding. She knew that her heart had been beating for quite some time. She also knew that her chest had been rising and falling with each breath she took for quite some time. She also knew the sun, dull and dim as it seemed, had crawled some distance across the sky. Yet no matter how deep she delved into her memory, no matter how thoroughly she scanned her mind, she searched for an answer and found only an empty yawning void where that key piece of knowledge was supposed to be.

After an eternity of some odd, uncomfortable purgatory, something akin to being neither alive nor dead, fear overtaking everything else-Keiko heard a rustling noise and looked up, realizing Joseph had made it out of the cabin, although a bit bloody and disheveled, and Leila had been standing a few feet in front of her the whole time, having been there to protect her in case whatever Joseph saw inside the cabin kept him from coming out again. 

"Well, that was disgusting. If I never see that many teeth inside a single mouth again, I'll die happy." 

_____

"Oh God, what's happening?" Keiko asked, her voice strained with worry as she and Leila watched Joseph stick his hands inside something that looked like some kind of organ-it was too large to be a human organ, or at least Keiko hoped so. Even the most grotesquely obese people in the New Republic had never been that large. Or at least, she didn't remember them being that large. But who knows? Lots of things happened back there, and even more things happened in the Outside. 

"It ate his watch. Not that he can read a watch, of course, but he was planning on selling it." Leila mused, showing no signs of being traumatized by what she saw. "He's too stupid to realize that he could be much more clever if he just channeled his intelligence into a wider variety of areas." 

"That's, uh,...well, I don't know, actually, never-mind."

Leila glanced back at Keiko for a moment, her expression as neutral as before. "Lots of things are happening everywhere, all the time. The greatest mistake of humanity is to assume otherwise, no matter how dull or boring or repetitive your life might be. Entire civilizations die because people simply don't realize that just because they're not aware of something happening doesn't mean it's not happening." 

"I can't decide if that's depressing or not." 

"That depends on your perspective." Leila paused, both of them oddly fixated on watching Joseph hack the bloody hunk of organic matter into pieces, along with whatever the hell else was attached to it, (Keiko was hesitant to call it a body, as it was so unnaturally misshapen and wrong in appearance, and Leila kept her theory on whatever it was to herself,) with the trusty old axe he had yanked out of a dead berserker's stomach. 

There was something wrong with her, Keiko thought. And, of course, with Joseph also, and naturally, herself too, even if all of those things in question were very different things. None of them were out here wandering around the forest in some strange dark land that used to be called Canada ages ago by some odd ancient people because they wanted to. Well, Joseph and Leila were not exactly unused to wandering around the wilderness. Both of them had lived in such conditions for some time, after all, just much farther to the south, hundreds of miles away from The New Republic of America, or anywhere else on the map that used to be a part of what those odd ancient people once called The United States of America. But her point still stood. In a more normal state of affairs, Keiko would still be studying for her classes and completing her internship and Joseph and Leila would be living wherever it was they had came from (or, at least, the place they had both been in before she met them, as they had both been born in different places.) 

"Well, in that case, can I ask you a question?" 

"Go ahead." 

"Do you think we should stay in the cabin for the night-after we clean it out, of course? Or do you think we should keep on moving?" 

Leila was silent for a moment, fishing out a coin from her pocket and holding it up to the weak sunlight in the sky, studying it for a moment to observe how the light reflected off of it. "The forest has been very quiet-and so has the lake, except for what we found in the house." She put the coin back, turning to face Keiko. "I don't think it'll stay that way though now that the cabin is unoccupied, and that's better than the alternative. If the animals feel that it's safe to come out of hiding now, we should be okay here for the night." 

Keiko was about to say something when Leila turned in Joseph's direction again, yelling at him to stop poking the large fish that came out of the lake with a stick. 

"Come on, those fish aren't edible, leave it alone." 

"Hey, it started it!" 

Oh for fuck's sake-Leila stalked off to drag Joseph away from the fish while Keiko sat there once again at a complete loss for words. 

_____

The cabin, despite what had been squatting in it a while ago and the fact that they had been unable to fix the door without it squeaking really badly whenever someone opened or shit it, was surprisingly warm and cozy when they cleaned it up, although Keiko would have been happier if Joseph hadn't hung up a giant deer skull above the fireplace. 

"I made some tea if you'd like some." Leila told Keiko, who was currently curled up under a soft blanket, sitting on a large, shaggy bear pelt in the middle of the floor near the fireplace, which had a small but cozy little fire going inside it. 

"Oh, sure, I'd like some, thanks." 

"There's no sugar it in, just so you know." Leila added in a deadpan voice when Keiko paused a moment after sipping it, suddenly aware of the strong, almost a bit too intense taste. "There's a lot of different herbs around here you can make tea with but some of them aren't that tasty. Not that I care about that though." 

"Yeah, I kind of figured." Unlike Leila, who only paid attention to how healthy something was, Keiko had a bit of a sweet tooth and often missed being able to drink herbal tea sweetened with honey or sugar. Still, it wasn't all that bad-intense, but refreshing, with a clean aftertaste. 

Joseph, who had been busy clearing out the last bits of dust and debris out the front door, spotted Keiko and Leila sitting together under a large, soft blanket after shutting the door behind him. The spark in his eyes was as obvious as the sky was blue, but Leila made no comment of it even as he made his way over to curl up under the blanket with both of them, holding each of them on one side. 

"Are you still wearing that watch?" Leila asked, Joseph wasting no time in responding. 

"What, that old thing? No, why do you ask?" he took it off, tossing it to the side of the room while responding. 

"Just wondering." Leila wore a mildly confused expression on her face while Keiko winced, expecting the sound of it landing on the ground to make more noise than it did. "I don't care if you wear it or not." 

Keiko took one last sip of her tea while they spoke (through no fault of Leila's, the cups of tea had been very small,) Joseph waiting for Leila to finish hers before pulling them both on top of him when he lied down. 

"It's kind of nice in here without all the rotting corpse guts and bloodstains on the walls. Comfortable and cozy. Plus the company is good too." 

"You do a terrible job of hiding it when you're horny, you realize that, right? I can feel your boner poking my ass." 

Keiko felt her ears turn red, although to be fair, having her head pressed against Joseph's chest didn't help. 

"I don't hide anything, well, except for my secret stash." 

"You are a terrible person sometimes-I can only imagine how many times you've mentally scarred this one over here before." 

Keiko let out an undignified squeak when Leila grabbed her wrist. Diplomacy wasn't her strong suit, at least anywhere outside of group projects in school, and neither was dealing with her feelings by not repressing the living hell out of them. Especially the sexual ones. Her mother engaged in some good old fashioned slut-shaming with her before, of course, but her mother was as much of a hypocrite as a politician who promised to help people (and Keiko caught her in the middle of it before enough times to get used to it, as a matter of fact) so Keiko had no idea where the hell that all came from. 

One moment, Keiko was lying down, feeling a little too warm and a whole lot more than a little flustered, the next she was sitting in Leila's lap as the older girl held her from behind, exactly as flustered as she was before. 

"Should I ask what's going on?" 

"We're ganging up on him." Leila responded to Keiko, holding her by her wrists. "Just sit still for a moment and don't move." 

"How are we gonna do that?" 

"You'll see in a moment." 

Keiko made eye contact with Joseph (entirely on accident, of course) while Joseph made eye contact with her (entirely on purpose.) 

"See? Give him a good enough view and then all of a sudden he's got nothing to say." 

"No fair, you know all my weaknesses so it doesn't count." Joseph complained without a hint of seriousness in his voice. 

"It's perfectly fair." Leila responded, letting go of Keiko, who still found herself feeling oddly flustered even when Leila got up for some reason. "You're stronger than I am so it evens the playing field." 

Keiko briefly contemplated getting back under the blanket again, enjoying how nice and cozy it was, but found herself distracted when Joseph wrapped his arms around her waist while lying down and Leila started pulling his legs. 

"Hey, that's definitely not fair-" 

"Says the guy who pokes his boner at my ass after I finally get to sit down and relax. Although now that we're up one of us might as well grab the other blanket since it's bigger." 

Keiko squeaked a little as she hid under the blanket while they decided to solve the dilemma of who would go get the blanket by wrestling, Keiko having to dodge a flying shirt at one point. 

When she took the time to look at it (mostly to distract herself from the sight of both of them wrestling in front of her,) the cabin itself was not all that terrible for something that was both kind of ugly and would likely fail to sell in the highly competitive real estate market back home, even if the color choices and the interior decorating left something to be desired. Still, with the real problem (what was inside it,) having been deal with, it wasn't really such a bad little place to spend the night after all.


	3. Never Trust a Suspicious Open Wi-Fi Network in a Place With No Internet Connection

Keiko wasn't what anyone would call a computer whiz by any means, but to the two people she was wandering through an abandoned farm with that meant absolutely jack shit. The little light that flashed from her cellphone, which had been nothing more than a useless brick for the past several weeks, was as fascinating to them as a comet or a rainbow or poor people actually being allowed to vote in a political election. 

That, of course, explained why Keiko was currently being held up in the air like a small child, struggling to stay still in Joseph's arms as he held her aloft like Rafiki holding Simba on top of Pride Rock, her cellphone in her hands after its mysterious return to life while Leila scrolled through it. 

"Hmm...." 

"What's it say? Is there anyone else around here besides those weird ass people who lived in the giant barn?" Joseph asked. 

"Hold on, I'm trying to find out." 

Keiko could feel a single bead of sweat drip down her forehead, falling down her cheek and landing on her short pink dress. The tension in the air was so thick and gelatinous you could cut it with a spoon but Joseph and Leila, too absorbed in what they were searching for (a good place to crash for the night and also whoever the hell had sent out that weird laser beam that zapped Keiko's phone a few minutes after they found the farm,) to notice.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" 

"No, dumbass, I meant-" Leila paused as she noticed something while scrolling through Keiko's phone. The Wi-Fi signal, which was named "The LAN Before Time" didn't require a password to unlock it. Only Keiko understood the significance (and potential privacy concerns,) involved with using an open Wi-Fi signal, but she was too embarrassed to move, let along say anything. 

Obviously, Keiko couldn't see what Leila was looking at on her phone but whatever it was, it must have been weird because Leila's facial expression changed, her brow furrowing in concentration as she stared at the tiny screen. 

"You've gotta be kidding me..." 

Joseph and Keiko were both confused for different reasons, each of them feeling their curiosity heat up from a low simmer to a rapid boil as Leila squinted, grabbing Keiko's wrist and moving it up about an inch or so. 

"What is it? Did you find anything?" 

"You'll never believe this, but I don't think we're in Amish country at all." 

The Amish people they had met a few hours ago seemed real enough, especially when they kicked them out of their territory because Joseph hit on the leader's wife (Joseph didn't realize the woman was married until it was too late, but the offense was deemed unforgivable, and not just because Joseph butchered metaphors as easily as he butchered his enemies, or even just people who really, really pissed him off.) The large, debris-filled farm they had later stumbled on also looked real enough. But apparently, according to Keiko's phone, it was all just a set-up created by some Silicon Valley tech bros to lure people into getting abducted by aliens that were rumored to have landed in the area to monitor how they would react.

"We're in the middle of a science experiment." 

Keiko choked on her own spit, which prompted Joseph to sit down on a nearby fallen log, holding Keiko in his lap, and yank the phone out of her hand, cocking his head when he started at the phone until Leila grabbed it from him. 

"Well, perhaps it might be more accurate to call it a psychological experiment. But that's probably a question better answered by the only scientist around." 

"What, don't look at me, I don't know anything about this that you guys don't!" Keiko insisted, just as genuinely confused as they were. "I never lived in California. Well, I stayed there for a week when I was 2 with my dad, that's it." 

"So the Amish people were really aliens..." the wheels in Joseph's head began turning in a whole bunch of different directions, all of them wrong. "I thought aliens would be hotter though-you know, aside from that one guy's wife...kind of a disappointment but whatever." 

No, you intellectually deficient birdbrain- wait, that was terrible. I never should have thought that, Leila scolded herself while Keiko asked Joseph for her phone back. Birds are cunning, intelligent animals. I never should have compared them to Joseph, what a fool I am. "So, you know, since there's a bunch of scumbags luring people into danger to psychoanalyze them or whatever, we should probably get the hell out of here sometime around now." 

All the running they did led them to an old, beat-up looking pick-up truck, Joseph strapped in the driver's seat, with Leila sitting in the other seat and Keiko sitting on her lap, peeling away into the sunset as fast as the car's engine would let them, trying to dodge a shower of laser beams while also not crashing into the trees on either side of the road, spending the majority of their mini road adventure yelling and cursing at the car to go faster (Joseph,) yelling at Joseph to concentrate on the road (Leila,) or screaming (mostly Keiko, but eventually all of them when they crashed into something shaped like a giant fire-hydrant.

"Ugh, what the-" Joseph groaned, reaching for his axe after they all fell out of the car, disheveled and a bit scratched-up but mostly unhurt. "I haven't smoked in about 5 centuries, there's no way that dog is that big." 

"It's not a dog, it just looks like one." Leila correctly observed, helping Keiko up after they got a good look at what was in front of them after their collision with the fire hydrant-shaped whatever. "More specifically, it's a building that looks like a dog." 

"Uh, well, I hope we didn't just kill whoever was inside there..." Keiko fought the urge to bite her fingernails, and not just because it was an unhygienic habit. There had been enough unpleasant accidents on their travels, and something about this felt especially morbid for some reason. The shape of the building, like some kind of giant beagle, was quirky in a cute way, but the emptiness of the landscape around them made it feel just off enough to send goosebumps prickling on her skin. 

"Well, only one way to find out." 

A few seconds passed before Joseph investigated to discover the answer, revealing that there was, in fact, nobody inside, and what's more, the inside of the motel was rather cozy. When Joseph walked back over to Keiko and Leila to reveal his discovery, the three of them glanced in the direction of the motel, then at each other, and reached the same conclusion. The truck they stole was as good as trash, anyways, having exploded into a pile of burning metal several yards away, and the clouds in the sky suggested rain was on the way. 

Finding no unwanted guests and a cute loft room with a delightful little alcove inside, the three of them soon embarked on the much-welcomed task of getting warm and comfortable to relax and wind down for the night. 

"You know, I never thought being inside a giant dog would be so comfortable." Keiko wasn't built with the type of strength and stamina best suited for long, difficult journeys in the wilderness, but some reprieves had proven to be less than welcome and this was a nice change of pace. Lounging on a queen-sized bed in a comfortable, spacious loft was a much better than expected surprise, given the many, diverse varieties of bullshit Keiko had dealt with up until then and the less-than-ideal places she had to stay in before. If she had to share the bed with two other people, that was no issue, even if she couldn't quite get rid of that warm fluttery feeling inside her stomach when they were all sitting on the bed together and her head felt fuzzy, making her thoughts seem a bit scrambled. 

"I've seen weirder." Leila offered.

"Well, I'm not complaining." Joseph pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. The mischievous look in his eyes signaled trouble to Keiko's poor, abused nervous system, which had taken far too much damage thanks to the day's assortment of bullshit that kept on coming and didn't seem to stop coming (at least until they found their current shelter.) 

"Well, you're pretty easy to please." Leila knew exactly what Joseph's talents were (they were lacking in some departments, like social skills and manners and vocabulary, but whatever) and finding a way to make an innocent statement sound dirty was fairly high on the list. Though it wasn't uncommon for him to be in the mood when she wasn't, (the same held true for Keiko as well, who seemed quite innocent to her,) Leila found that there were plenty of other uses for sex besides her own physical pleasure. 

"Yeah, and I could think of several things that'd I'd enjoy right now. Two of which happen to be right here with me, because tonight seems to be luckier than today was." 

Leila wordlessly fluffed up a pillow behind her resting on the headboard that she had been sitting against and watched Keiko's face turn almost as pink as her hair when Joseph pulled her in his lap, playing with her soft loose curls with one hand while he held her tight against him with the other. Human beings could be a plentiful source of amusement provided that you met the right ones, no matter how picky you might be about which ones fit in that category.

"For example." The grin on Joseph's face widened when Keiko froze, the back of her head resting against his chest as he twirled her chin-length curls in his hand. "I could start out by helping you relax." 

As easy as taking candy from a baby-Joseph was as predictable as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west when he had his eye set on a cute girl and Keiko was easily flustered and handled attention and affection about as reliably as someone so shy would. Leila didn't understand romance, let alone most of the other peculiarities of human behavior, but watching some of them unfold in front of her by watching her friend attempt to charm her other friend was oddly amusing. If Leila was the type to laugh openly, she would have allowed herself the indulgence when Keiko shoved her hands in Joseph's face, stammering and blushing wildly after he whispered something in her ear, only to give up and bury her own face in her hands after he gently removed her hands from his face, laughing the whole time while he reclined in front of her posing rather dramatically for a corny effect, giving her a perfect view of everything she could see with him being half-naked. 

Leila didn't mind the view herself, although she didn't need to tell Joseph and he didn't need to ask. She should probably lean over and give Keiko a comforting pat on the back, or something, but for whatever reason, she didn't. 

"You know we both have eyes, you don't have to show off." Leila said, bending one of her legs to relax more comfortably. "Besides, you torment her enough." 

"Well, you're impossible to torment." Joseph spat back, a playful tone in his voice. 

"So you have to pick on poor, innocent girls, then, is that it?" 

"Have to, no, want to, yes." 

They had met when they were young, perhaps a little too young for this sort of thing, but they hit it off right after meeting each other and despite their vastly different personalities, they got along like white on rice, even if she thought Joseph could stand to take things a bit more seriously at times.  
There was nothing in the world that would separate them, at least not if they both had anything to say about it-they had been there for each other through the strangest and most unpleasant of circumstances as well as some of the most enjoyable, happiest moment of each other's lives, and no one and nothing on the face of the Earth could ever make one of them feel jealous over the other. Nothing could break their bond, no person, thing, or idea, and no matter what happened or who else one of them met, they would always be a part of each other's lives, that was the promise they made to each other when they were young and breaking it was unthinkable. If both of them happened to meet someone and share a fondness for that person (even if in different ways), then so much the better. 

Leila brushed a strand of hair that had fallen from her braid out of her face, pondering what to do next when Joseph scooped Keiko back into his arms and kissed her face, his eyes lighting up when he saw how hard she blushed, leaning back on the pillow behind her when Keiko freed herself from Joseph's grip (not that he resisted in letting her go,) plopping down next to Leila on her stomach with a pout on her face. 

"Ugh, men are so unfair." Keiko complained in a light-hearted manner, her arms out in front of her as she turned to look at Leila. 

"They are." Leila patted Keiko's head, Joseph leaning on one elbow as he reached out to stick his finger in one of Keiko's curls.

The apocalypse had no shortage of bullshit, certainly, but even in a world like this, there were still moments that made her feel like a person. And perhaps, she thought, relaxing with two of the few people she could feel like herself around, there would be more of them in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The motel they found is based off of this motel: https://dogbarkpark.com/lodging-bed-and-breakfast/


	4. Being as Innocent as a Blonde Thot in a Wheatfield Will Only Get You So Far

Birthdays, like most other things, were a rather anxiety-inducing affair for Keiko. Her mother rarely let her do anything fun for her birthday growing up and most of the time she was too busy, broke, or both to do anything fun on her birthday when she got older and her mother left her to her own devices more often. Still, the idea of acknowledging it in some way had been a key part of her life for as long as she could remember, as becoming an adult meant the key to her freedom, so every year she grew older, Keiko took heart in the fact that she was one year closer to an escape from the woman who had brought her into the world. 

Meeting someone who didn't have a birthday, then, was something completely alien to her. 

"What do you mean you don't have a birthday?" 

Joseph shrugged, not understanding what was weird about what he said. "Well, I just told you, I don't remember what day I was born." 

Keiko blinked once, unsure how to proceed. Despite all the time they had spent traveling together, she had never figured out how old Joseph was. At first she saw no reason to ask-he looked young enough, so she just assumed he was a young adult, probably not much older than her given his outgoing, carefree behavior. He was ridiculously tall, and dwarfed other men in size and strength, but everyone was unique in some way. As time went on, however, Joseph never mentioned anything that gave away any hint of his age, and Keiko began to find herself more and more curious. When finally her curiosity grew too intense to ignore, the answer she received left her dumbfounded. 

"Well-" she had zero idea how to go about this, but hell, it was just too weird, and she had to figure out some kind of answer to this or it would eat her alive. They had done things-terribly inappropriate things-together, albeit outside of modern civilization where nobody who would have cared was around to observe what happened-and she realized that at some point, this question needed answering, if for nothing else than her own sanity. "You mean nobody told you when you were born?" 

"No." The fact that Joseph didn't show any sign that he understood how weird that was only left her more unnerved, but there was no quitting this late in the game. 

Keiko swallowed the last remaining bit of her saliva, pondering how to maneuver through this increasingly strange conversation. "Not even your mother?" From previous conversations together, Keiko knew Joseph had been raised by his mother with the help of several other women, but aside from that he revealed few details about his childhood. 

"Well, she told me she gave birth to me during a giant rainstorm-those were pretty common though, at least when I was younger." 

Keiko rubbed her temples-she was running out of ways to dig this information out of him, and with each question that resulted in an unhelpful answer, she began to fret that she would never discover the information she was seeking. "So-uh, do you remember how old your mother was when she had you?" 

Joseph glanced up for a moment, thinking. A few seconds later, the answer showed up in his brain, Joseph replying like it was nothing. "15, maybe 16. A little younger than you, actually." 

Keiko could feel her chest tighten for a moment when he said that. If anyone where she had lived had a child at that age, they would have been whisked away to God knows where (Keiko had never figured out exactly where they took teen mothers before the world ended,) and the child would have been given to a couple with good social credit who won the adoption lottery or, if there were no suitable guardians willing to take them, the child would most often simply disappear. 

"Oh." Her chest felt heavy and the room suddenly seemed so small and stuffy that time itself might as well have stopped. Why, of all the times to do so, did Leila have to decide to go into town to do some shopping? Leila never went shopping, and she certainly didn't like the kinds of people in the latest town they has stumbled upon. What a pain. 

The floorboards creaked a little as Joseph got up from his spot on the floor (he had been doing some push-ups before Keiko came in to drop off some clean clothes,) and plopped down on the bed. He looked an awful lot like some big cat lounging on a tree branch when he leaned on one shoulder on the mattress, eyeing her with curiosity to see what else she might say. He had always found Keiko utterly fascinating for reasons that he could never quite explain to anyone, not even Leila. Since he enjoyed being around Keiko and found that her being there and talking to him made him happy, he didn't question it. 

"If the two of you ever had a chance to meet, I bet my mother would have liked you." Joseph replied. "You two would have gotten along really well." 

Despite knowing very little about the woman, Keiko could tell by the way Joseph spoke about her and the subtle hint of sadness in his eyes when he did that she must have been a good person-she had died when he was young and from the first time Joseph ever mentioned her, Keiko could tell that her death had taken a part of his soul along with her. He wasn't the type who liked to dwell on things that bothered him, though, so Keiko never brought it up unless he did first. 

The moment was tender, almost intimate, but then a sudden crash interrupted it, startling Keiko enough that she dove to hide under the bed when she heard footsteps a few moments later. 

"It's just me, the door broke off the hinges again but I fixed it-" Leila glanced around after stepping in the room, her brow furrowing. "What did you do to spook her this time?" 

"I swear, I didn't do anything, we were just talking." 

Leila huffed, but she could always tell when he was telling the truth or when he was lying, so she shrugged, walking over to grab the balled-up sheets at the end of the bed. "Ah, too bad. Though you might have another blanket here but oh well. A rat chewed a hole in mine last night so now I need a new one." She let go of the sheets when she saw Keiko crawl out from under the bed. "You doing alright?" 

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine, just forgot you were gone and got freaked out when I heard the door crash." Keiko squeaked while Leila reached her hand out to help her up. 

"Ah." Leila caught a glimpse of sunlight out of the crack in the broken window. They were near the edge of a large forest and nobody lived close enough to them to see anything but it was still a bit annoying. "Well, unless you guys need anything, I'm going to gather some herbs." 

"Well, actually, I wanted to ask you something." Keiko started, still hoping to find an answer to her original question. Leila had known Joseph much longer than she had so perhaps the older girl would be of some help regarding the matter. "How old is Joseph?" 

Leila provided nothing in the way of a reaction, her face as calm as always. Resting bitch face, as some would call it, but Keiko would say it was something a little creepier than that. Leila was not a bad person by any means, but her face didn't show it. "A bit older than me, why do you ask?" 

"We were talking about birthdays and he told me he doesn't have one." 

"That's correct." Leila's voice remained calm and steady as it usually did (some would say monotone, others flat, but to Keiko it was something a bit less easy to define.) "We both grew up on the Outside and though I don't know exactly where his people lived before we met, I do know they were closely related to my people and we don't really have the concept of birthdays. Where I'm from, your parents told you what season you were born in and you count your age based on how many of those seasons you've lived through. If you were born in the rainy season, then you would say you've lived through however many rainy seasons you've lived through. If you were born in the dry season, you would count however many dry seasons you've lived though, for example." 

"So you don't pick a day to celebrate when you were born then?" 

"No, at least not in my village. Sometimes there would be a day where we would celebrate certain people for something they did, but that was more of a matter of personal preference." 

Learning about other people was always something Keiko found interesting. If any new information could help her make more sense of the world and the people in it, she figured it would prove useful in some way sooner or later, and despite her aloof demeanor, Leila was as trustworthy a person as Keiko had ever met, so she could count on her older friend to always tell her the truth. 

"I like the idea though. Having a day each year where people are extra nice to you sounds neat." Joseph decided that while there were some parts of life in America-the general name for everything in the large continent he found himself in after his home was destroyed-were frankly a load of bullshit, maybe not all of it was so bad. 

"Well, if you want, you can pick a day to be your birthday and we can celebrate it." Keiko added. 

Joseph's face lit up quicker than the blink of an eye-"What's today?" 

"June 22nd." Leila replied without even thinking about it before Keiko had the chance to answer. 

"Alright, that's what I'm picking then, so I can remember it." 

Joseph was simply, well-not simple, actually. He was way too weird to be simple in any way, shape, or form, but in many ways he was remarkably direct. For better or for worse, it often had a way of leading conversations in bizarre directions. 

If one judged just by looking at her face, Leila seemed un-amused but decided to go along with it to humor him. "Happy birthday then. Now you have to decide what you want to do though." Leila knew he would have no trouble with that, of course, but if anyone was an expert in all things Joseph, it was her. Besides, he was hardly the weirdest motherfucker she had ever encountered in the wild. 

"Oh, I know." One moment, Keiko's heart rate and breathing were normal, the next, her face was as red as a tomato and her heart was racing like she had been running a marathon for hours. "How about you both suck me off ?" 

Leila, who was never very helpful in these sorts of situations (which somehow became rather common with the three of them,) but Keiko felt betrayed when she looked at Leila and got only a noncommittal glance in return. 

"You're as predictable as the plot of a romantic movie." Leila's voice was cool and calm, contrasting Keiko's nervous stammering. 

"Uh, well, I, uh-" Come on, you're supposed to be smart-Keiko scolded herself-the least you could do is remember how to speak normally!" 

"Well, you told me to tell you what I wanted. It was just a suggestion though, I can always think of something else." Joseph was as relaxed as if he were talking about the weather, pausing as he pressed his knuckle under his chin, looking up. "Actually, that reminds me-" 

"Why don't you hold on to that overactive imagination of yours until Keiko here tells us what she thinks about your suggestion?" Keiko found herself unable to do anything but stare in a state of absolute loss of words when Leila pressed her hand over Joseph's mouth for a moment. With two pairs of eyes staring at her waiting for a response, Keiko felt a combination of emotions that, if translated into any known human language, would best be visually represented as a keyboard smash. Oh, what the hell. How hard could sucking a dick be? Especially one that had been inside her before. 

_____

"Uh-" I can't believe I-we-Keiko knew, logically speaking, that she had, in fact, done worse. Worse meaning harder. But the thought of trying to fit his dick in her mouth was overwhelming to say the least. 

"You alright?" Leila was sitting next to Keiko on the bed in front of Joseph, who hadn't even bothered to take off his jeans all the way, content to just take off the belt and unzip the pants, pulling them down just enough to make it work. 

"Yeah, I just-I don't think it's gonna fit." 

"Well, I mean, there's other ways to do it besides shoving it all the way in. Not that I'd complain if you could, just saying. But yeah." Joseph was not eloquent in the slightest but underneath his blunt exterior he really did care about her and wanted her to be comfortable. 

"He's right, and don't worry, that's why I'm here to help." Keiko blushed harder when Leila grabbed Joseph's cock, which was already half-hard, and licked the underside of it all the way to the tip. Unlike Keiko, Leila approached sex without any guilt or personal hang-ups. As long as she had time and privacy and she was in the mood, she did whatever she felt like with whoever she wanted, though unlike Joseph, she limited herself to those few people who fit her strict standards, not bothering with anyone who she found unappealing in the slightest. "I know it can be a bit intimidating if you've never done it before but really, it's not that difficult-go ahead and give it a try." 

"What she said-it's pretty much impossible to mess it up. As long as you don't use teeth, I'll like anything you do." Joseph reached down to pat her head, giving her a warm smile as she leaned in closer to give it a try. If Leila had any thoughts on the matter, none of them showed on her face. 

If Keiko thought her heart had been racing before, it threatened to leap out of her chest when she worked up enough courage to place her lips around the tip of his cock. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, though she knew there was no way in hell she'd ever be able to fit it all in, but the low moan he gave was enough to make her feel on the verge of passing out. His hand playing with her hair didn't help either, just like Leila kneeling there patiently with her usual stoic expression on her face didn't help. Oh, what a world it was, and she was only a bit-part player at best, yet there she was, out in the middle of who the hell knows where in a tryst with the strangest man and the strangest woman she had ever known. To say nothing would have prepared her for this was like saying the sky was blue-well, usually it was, but that was besides the point. 

"Mmh, fuck, that feels good-" Keiko wasn't really sure what to do, but she decided to try fitting a little more of it in her mouth when Joseph moaned in a deep, low voice just a little above a whisper. "You're really good at this." The way his voice sounded made her heart flutter, but a twinge of pain in her jaw distracted her, so she pulled away slowly, breathing hard. Living with the amount of anxiety she had was a challenge in all areas of her life, down to the smallest of details, but despite being told over and over by her mother that her issues made her a burden, she had never received so much as a single word of criticism from Joseph or Leila for it. When things got too much for her, they were never anything less than patient, even if they didn't always know how to help her. 

"My jaw kind of hurts..." Keiko apologized, her voice sheepish as a twinge of embarrassment gave her a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

"It's alright, I think I know just how to get around that problem." Leila offered, holding Keiko's hand in her own while Joseph continued patting her head. 

Keiko watched wordlessly as Leila grasped his cock in a firm grip with her free hand. "Come on, just do what I do." Leila swirled her tongue around his cock, giving Keiko a look before pulling away again. "We can go ahead and do it at the same time." 

Ah-Well, at least her jaw would hurt less this way-the thought made Keiko feel a little funny inside, in that odd, fluttery way that made her feel oh-so-flustered but something inside her made her go ahead and join Leila, both of them still holding hands as they worked him. Judging by the low, rough-sounding grunts and groans he made now and then, whatever they were doing was working. If their lips happened to brush against each other's, well, that wasn't so bad. Keiko preferred the firm, full feeling of a man's lips but the warm, slightly softer feeling of her friend's lips brushing against hers was enjoyable in its own way. The feeling of her hand intertwined in her own was also comforting, just as the way Joseph ran his hand through her curls was, and her cheeks burned as she licked cautiously, then with more feeling behind it as she got used to it, hollowing out her cheeks as much as she could despite the slight pain it caused her, finding herself far more aroused than she would have anticipated. 

Though it was oddly thrilling in a way, to be able to get the kind of reaction out of Joseph that she was by doing this (albeit with help,) Keiko was not so naive as to not know what would inevitably follow. She had never sucked anyone's dick before, and thus couldn't help but feel a hint of concern about how it would all end. Though he didn't taste bad, thankfully, Keiko had no confidence that she would be able to swallow without gagging. If Leila was any better at it, Keiko had no idea. Either way, if Leila was concerned, there was no way for Keiko to tell. 

"Ugh, fuck-I'm gonna-" 

Here we go-Keiko's heart felt like it was threatening to burst out of her chest like the Kool-Aid man crashing through a wall, every brain cell rattling around insider her skull frantically trying to prepare for the inevitable. How gross would it taste? Would she choke? Would she get sick and end up humiliating herself and never be able to live it down? The anxiety was all too much, at least until Joseph gripped her hair a little tighter, hissing when Leila decided to help him along by grabbing the base of his cock. In a few second's time, Keiko noticed her vision get blurry for a moment, whether due to fear or arousal or both, as Joseph gave a guttural growl, using every ounce of willpower he had to pull out just in time. Keiko didn't realize what happened until Leila let go, quickly brushing some hair out of her face-what is she-oh. Oh.

Keiko couldn't help but squint, pursing her lips together when she felt something hot and sticky on her face, noticing when she opened her eyes how thick and white it was. Leila gave no indication how she felt about it, though judging by her reaction, Keiko could only assume she had done something like this with Joseph before. 

"Fuck, that was pretty hot." Joseph was easy to please, and this time was no exception to the rule, and Keiko noticed that odd, hot feeling inside her again, the one that made her feel all fluttery and flustered, trying not to freak out too much when Leila handed her a cloth to wipe her face. 

"Uh, thanks...." Keiko wasn't really sure which one of them she was responding to, but she supposed it didn't matter. 

That wasn't so bad...Keiko didn't feel anything was amiss until she realized that after Leila handed her a cloth, their hands had brushed together again, giving Keiko an odd jolt of electricity shooting up her spine. Always something new to discover, she supposed. That was life for you in the middle of the apocalypse, after all. Keiko took a deep breath after they moved their hands away from each other, placing the towel down on the table by the bed when Joseph, having quickly zipped his pants up again, scooped them both up in his arms, holding them close. There were worse ways to kill some time after the world ended, Keiko decided.


	5. I Buy My Crack, I Smack My Bitch Right Here in Hollywood

In many ways, Leila and Keiko were very different people but in spite of that-or, perhaps, in some ways, because of that, they got along rather well. 

Still, Keiko couldn't help but be a little nervous sitting in the bedroom of some woman she didn't know-perhaps it might have belonged to the wife of some wealthy oil tycoon, but in reality, she had no way of knowing for sure. All she knew is that the owners of the house had been dead for a long time and, if they were supremely unlucky, were now wandering corpses stumbling around somewhere hunting for human flesh. It was a little too quiet, and Leila hadn't said anything since she walked into the connected master bathroom to try on one of the dead lady's outfits. 

Well, shit-At 6 feet tall, Leila was taller than many men, let alone other women, with strong, muscular legs and wide hips but a chest almost as flat as a boy's, most clothes, whether they were designed for women or men, didn't fit her. Normally, she had been accustomed to making her own clothes but given that they had happened upon some rich couple's house, Leila figured she might as well try to see if there was anything in the woman's closet she could salvage. 

Fate had different ideas in store for her, however, as when Leila tried on a striking red sleeveless two-piece outfit she found, with a straight pencil skirt and a tube top with a sweetheart neckline, the top fell down and the skirt, which only went about 2 inches below her ass, ripped the moment she zipped it up. 

"Fuck." 

"Leila, are you okay?" 

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Never better." 

This sucks, guess I'll have to keep on looking-Leila was no expert on fashion, but of all the outfits she had found in the woman's closet so far, the red two-piece combo had been her favorite-most of the other outfits were pastel colors that clashed with her dark red hair, so finding something she liked would prove to be a challenge. 

Keiko sighed, hugging her knees to her chest. When they had broken into the mansion at the very end of a long cul-de-sac with the rest of the houses having boarded up windows or blown out doors or being completely destroyed, spotting the relatively undamaged looking mansion seemed like a pool of water in a desert, as there were no other houses to spare anywhere in the decrepit post-apocalyptic town they had wandered into by chance one day (the chancellor, some dimwit with a mustache that made him look like if Hitler had been a porn star, claimed there was no room in the center of town so they had to settle for whatever they could find on the last road inside the town's unofficial boundaries.) After taking a look around, they decided the place wasn't so bad, and even if the chancellor seemed like the kind of guy who was too stupid to find his way out of a paper bag, the town itself had an odd, almost quaint little charm to it (minus the confederate war re-enactor lookalikes but whatever,) and within a few hours, they had made themselves about as much at home as possible after the world as she had known it had ended. With none of them knowing that in ancient times, the town they had arrived in used to be named Topeka, Kansas, Joseph, Keiko, and Leila had all found some way to pass the sudden surplus of free time they had found themselves saddled with. 

That was, while Joseph had run into some wacky dude with a star-shaped tattoo and a pick up truck he had met earlier in the apocalypse, Keiko and Leila were raiding a dead woman's closet, blissfully unaware of the fact that Joseph had ended up attending the town's 7th annual libertarian party convention (the town itself, now called The People's Federation to Reconstruct the American Dream,) hadn't actually been around 7 years, it was just that the each of the 6 previous elected heads of the libertarian party that year had been killed already inside the calendar year and it was only August.) Swimming in the vast, fathomless pool of their ignorance, Keiko and Leila eventually agreed to scope out the rest of the houses on the street (excluding the ones that had been blown into dust,) to hunt down additional finds for their wardrobes, knowing nothing of what was occurring in the center of town, with the stupid chancellor being drunk as a skunk and, at least for the moment, dead to the world. 

"You know, maybe this apocalypse isn't so bad after all." Leila remarked after stabbing a shambling corpse in one of its eyes with a pitchfork, fishing a slinky leopard print dress out of a stray dresser drawer lying around. 

"It could be worse." Keiko agreed. Or something like that. I mean, really, a lot of things could be going wrong right now but whatever they are, they're not happening here. Yeah, maybe it's not so bad, she told herself. 

______

"Hey, who brought the weed?" An overweight, balding man with a red and white baseball cap and a huge bong shaped like a horse dick asked "Big Tom," the guy wearing the bottom half of a Lynx-inspired custom fur-suit and a red, white, and blue top hat with the words "Big Tom" on it in gold duct tape standing next to the refreshments table, which was haphazardly laid out with a tray of watermelon slices (mostly just rinds though,) a few small plates of baby carrots with a big serving ladle of ranch dressing behind them, a big bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos, and massive quantities of the shittiest, low-quality donkey piss smelling beer and moonshine known to the entire human race. 

"This is all we got." Johnny Piss Hands, a former bank robber and punk guitarist, picking his teeth with something that looked way too much like a suspiciously shaped bone, said when he took out a little baggie of weed he had stashed in his coat pocket out and tossed it on the table. "The crop's been really bad this year. I think the big guy says there's gonna be a drought for the rest of the year." 

"What, I never said that!" the man with the horse dick shaped bong said. 

"No, not you Barry, I meant the other big guy." 

"What?-Ohh, yeah, I remember-Old Bob, hey, how's he doing?" Barry asked, his voice a few decibel levels louder than necessary while a naked guy with a shitty tattoo of a geisha on his back wearing a horse head mask grabbed the bowl of Doritos, shoving them under his mask and neigh-ing like a horse in between bites. 

"Hey, guys, shut up, the speech's is about to begin!" some random guy in a curly lime-green party city quality wig shouted at them over the sound of some Insane Clown Posse in the background at a much lower level. 

Joseph hadn't seen a whole lot of the world before having to leave his home, and what he saw between then and the apocalypse wasn't all that impressive, but the last few years, he had found some friends in the strangest of places. Some of them were (way, way) less attractive than others, but either way, Joseph was easy to please-if he could play with some cute girls, fight some guys who wanted to challenge him, or hang out with people who weren't stuck up snobs, he was down with just about anything, including hanging out with an old friend of his, his friend's little brother, and some random people inside an abandoned government center before some political event everyone was hyped for. 

"Alright, mothers and fuckers and motherfuckers, sit your asses down and shut the fuck up, we got shit to say and you're gonna wanna hear it!" John, a former Navy Seal turned full time anarchist head case, shouted at the top of his lungs through a cheap ass microphone, causing some random guy with a fishbowl on his head in the back to start crying softly while he crumpled up a piece of paper in his hand. 

The crowd shouted and cheered, one guy pumping his fist in the air before falling over onto the lap of a fat woman whose tits barely fit in her hot pink corset. Probably a little too much smack, John guessed. The good stuff was hard to come by these days so they all had to make do with whatever they could cook up in the lab or get from trading with randoms who passed by now and then. Either way, they needed to hurry up and pick a new candidate to compete in the general election against the tottering old imbecile who was currently the town chancellor and time was getting to be in shorter and shorter supply. 

"Now, you all know the deal, the last candidate for chancellor's got burnt like toast and the general election's coming up, so here we are again, you all know how voting times goes by now so I won't bore you with the details but this time, we have a special guest. As it happens, he's an old friend of mine, and I got to thinking that he would be a good candidate for the job, but I'll let you all make that decision once we get the ballots passed out." 

Everyone yelled and cheered again, someone tossing a glow-stick at the stage while the guy with the fishbowl on his head stopped crying (though nobody could tell since the Insane Clown Posse was still playing in the background and everyone was yelling too loud.) Joseph wasn't all that interested in politics and, back before the apocalypse, wasn't allowed to vote, but he had joined the libertarian party sometime before the apocalypse. He had never expected to actually become a candidate to run for political office before, but he had seen weirder shit happen. Meeting John had been a complete accident after getting kicked out of a safe zone by a bunch of pansy ass motherfuckers who decided they "didn't like his attitude," whatever the fuck that meant, and got separated from Keiko as a consequence. He had visited the old Listerine bottle a little too often during that dark time, but after running out of Listerine, he stumbled around (sometimes metaphorically and sometimes more literally,) trying to dig his head out of his ass and one day, after passing out naked in a pool of mud after a rainstorm when a bunch of walking corpses destroyed an aluminum shack he had built for himself, he ran into John and his little brother Karl, or, more accurately, they ran into him. 

Shit happened, leading to various other kinds of shit, and the two formed an odd friendship, or at least a friendship only as normal as a friendship between a trigger-happy loudmouthed libertarian redneck Navy Seal who had formed his own extremist militia and a mentally unstable former professional fighter from a nearly extinct village somewhere in the jungle could be, leading to a series of adventures that would put the concept of the word bizarre to shame. One thing led to another and there Joseph was, waiting to see if enough people would vote for him to become the new head of the libertarian party. 

The crowd was mostly illiterate and half of them were too drunk or high to follow directions, but votes were eventually cast, decisions were made, and there was Joseph, suddenly finding himself head of the libertarian party. He had never been deeply involved in politics, preferring to spend his time getting deeply involved in other things, like beating the shit out of people, learning new ways to beat the shit out of people, petting every dog he saw, and girls. Yet there he was, a newly minted politician, and his first task was coming up with a platform. Joseph lacked any former political experience, but that wasn't to say he didn't have opinions. He had plenty of those, alright, and since he won the nomination, he figured he might as well share them. 

______

Somewhere on the cul-de-sac with the abandoned mansion Joseph, Keiko and Leila had taken to squatting in, Keiko and Leila were walking back to the mansion hand in hand, Leila carrying most of the booty they had fished out of the surrounding houses, ready to relax after a long and productive treasure hunt. The air was warm but not too humid, with some bees and crickets buzzing around and a fat little squirrel shoving some nuts in a hole inside a tree. Aside from some stray blood and guts from walking corpses here and there and a moderate amount of debris littering the street, Keiko couldn't find much fault with her current circumstances, eager to try on some new clothes and clean up a bit and feel nice and fresh for a change. Nothing could ruin this moment now, she thought, oblivious to the massive explosion that was occurring inside an abandoned government center after someone spilled beer on an electrical plug plugged into an aging electrical socket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is based off of some System of a Down lyrics because why come up with normal titles that make sense when you can just make shit up on a whim?


	6. Sometimes an Airport to Nowhere Can Take You Very Interesting Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out for some mild thesaurus abuse ahead-writing is a work of process and sometimes you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette. Or even just scrambled eggs, but whatever.

Lounging in a first-class airport lounge wasn't Keiko's idea of a great time, but it beat...whatever the hell was going on in the nearest town (now formally called The Great Republic of Jimmy John's not the sandwich shop.) Who or what a Jimmy John's was laid somewhere outside Keiko's range of knowledge, but that didn't matter-the important thing was that she didn't have to be there. (Leila was there because she was hunting down someone she held a grudge against since early childhood and Keiko didn't begrudge her having to do what she had to do to put her soul at peace, but as far as Keiko was concerned, it involved far too much blood and violence for her tastes.)

Having started out the day browsing through a fascinating folder of research papers she had stumbled on, all safely nestled away in someone's lost suitcase sometime before the world as she knew it had ended, Keiko was currently lying on a pull-out bed that was part of a couch with a tacky floral design pattern, glancing over at the pair of pink tights Joseph had just taken off her for a moment, her face flushing redder as he kissed her up and down her leg. The floor was a blah shade of beige, nothing interesting, making for a noticeable contrast to her tights. Her dress, sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline and a pink and white gingham pattern, was hardly warm but her whole body felt primed to explode with the rush of heat blooming inside her, putting in a considerable amount of willpower to avoid hiding her face in her hands. Joseph didn't care if she hid her face-he thought it was cute, but Keiko, her brain not simply content to let her feel a normal amount of embarrassment, also made her feel embarrassed about feeling embarrassed, throwing her headlong into some kind of sick mental groundhog day loop. 

It wasn't enough to simply feel flustered, no, Keiko's shit brain went the extra mile-making her hyper-alert about every possible flaw and issue about her that could possibly turn people off, both in the sexual sense and just in general, constantly reminding her that she was a flawed, faulty, imperfect, defective human being that was sure to bother people in some way, shape, or form simply by existing. Pushing through this felt like what she imagined trying to swim through a pool of half-frozen molasses, but Joseph didn't mind-as long as they were legal, had the right parts, and were willing, he'd smash and at that point in time, Keiko fit all three categories. 

Besides the cute little noises and whimpers Keiko made, it was pretty quiet-had been since they got there-a little boring in Joseph's opinion, hence why he offered to smash. It took a little encouragement, but Keiko eventually agreed, leading to Joseph pulling her into his lap to kiss and tease her a little before ripping off her tights. He laid her down on the bed, his eyes lighting up in amusement with the view of her dress sliding up around her waist, revealing her soft, smooth thighs even as she pulled her legs together, bending them both as he crouched over her, stroking the side of her face. Though he had no preference regarding the matter-or many other matters besides having tits and a pussy, he liked the color of her flawless fair skin, pale but rosy at the same time, that combined with her hair, like pink sand but a little brighter, and her blue eyes that reminded him of the ocean, stirred a certain familiar warmth inside him with little difficulty. She was certainly more on the delicate side, and that had its disadvantages from a practical standpoint, but the way she looked at him, plus the way she reacted to his touch was uniquely satisfying, even if he would never be able to describe why well enough to make her understand. She might have been smaller and weaker than he was, but he never viewed her as inferior in any way. She was clever, quick on her feet and with a wit as sharp as the tip of a spear. He didn't understand half the stuff she talked about, but that just made him all the more eager to impress her. Such a task might well prove to be impossible, he realized, but even if that failed, he could at least satisfy her the way she deserved. 

"I have to tell you something." 

Joseph paused, giving Keiko a puzzled look as she held direct eye contact with him, her face flushed so much it felt warm. He had almost finished kissing all the way up her right leg and had planned to start on the left one after, but he got up to kneel over her, his hands on either side of her. 

"Don't look at me like that, I-it's important, okay?" Keiko could feel her heart pounding a mile a minute but the words tumbled out of her mouth anyways, rushed and awkward, but traveling from her brain to her mouth nonetheless. "I like you." 

The confused look on Joseph's face changed to a small grin, Keiko blushing even harder when he leaned down to kiss her cheek. Keiko squeaked in a rather undignified way when he then left small little kisses on her neck, collarbone, and chest, resting one hand on her ass as he held her close. 

"You're so cute." Joseph hiked up her dress, unzipping it in the back before pulling it over her head, leaving her in just her bra and panties. "You don't have to be shy, though." 

"I just-well,-" Keiko didn't really want to say it now, wondering if it would make him feel bad, but she supposed there was no other choice. "Well, I thought-" Oh, this was awkward-she cringed inside even as Joseph held her close, kissing her shoulder while he was fiddling with her bra strap. "You know, because, before I showed up, you and Leila used to be-" 

"Is that what you're worried about?" Joseph's expression and tone of voice reflected nothing more than genuine confusion-to him, sex was a fun hobby he enjoyed with some of his female friends, or any willing woman for that matter. For many of the people he had grown up with, the same held true for them. In truth, he didn't share all that much in common with the shy, sweet little lady whose company he was currently enjoying (and enjoyed more than most things,) but that only made her even more interesting to him. And if something upset her, he wanted to know about that too and figure out why. "I like her, of course, but that doesn't mean I don't like you too." 

Keiko knew not to expect certain things from Joseph, and it wasn't the sort of thing that made her upset, but like anything she couldn't figure out, it confused her. Why would he be interested in her when other, prettier, more interesting women existed? He could have almost any woman he wanted, and she was-she was what she was, and though she had gotten used to it, she was far from proud of it. 

"Well, I mean, you don't find me boring, though?" 

If Joseph was beginning to understand Keiko before, that progress was lost the moment the last sentence left her mouth. "Boring? Come on, you know me better than that-since when would I ever bother wasting time with a boring person?" Joseph, never one to hesitate in the heat of the moment, kissed her neck, reaching his hand inside her bra to squeeze her breast gently, enjoying the way it felt in his hand just as much as he enjoyed the small moan she let out in response. "Everything about you is interesting." 

At least he was honest-if Keiko could trust Joseph to do one thing, it was share his opinions. As of the present moment, she had never known Joseph to be shy about sharing to whoever was in earshot his feelings about whatever was on his mind, for better or for worse. Aside from that, the way it felt when he started sucking on her neck and the rough feeling of his palm brushing against her nipple certainly succeeded in grabbing her attention. 

"Well, then allow me to respond in kind-" Keiko gasped in a short, high-pitched breath as Joseph slid his other hand between her thighs, slipping a few fingers inside her. "I feel the same way about you-very much so-even if you scared me a little when we met." 

It was nothing serious, but the sheets on the bed were rather thin-a bit too thin for grabbing onto when Joseph pushed her down on her stomach, crawling on top of her and groping one of her breasts roughly. Over time, she discovered that she didn't mind the treatment, although it was a bit inconvenient to have to hide the handprints and other marks-like bruises from biting or sucking-if she was low on clean clothes. The apocalypse didn't lend itself to doing laundry regularly, and with her size, it was hard to find comfortable clothes that fit, but if she had to make do with less than ideal clothes sometimes because of this, she certainly wasn't about to complain. 

"Please go slowly-" Keiko wasn't very picky and didn't have many kinks (not that she knew of, at least,) but she wasn't the type who could handle being fucked roughly-her small, petite stature aside, she also enjoyed being able to walk regularly and was not overly blessed in the stamina department. 

"Don't worry, doll-" Joseph patted her hair gently before holding her in place "-Just relax and let me know if anything hurts."

True to his word, he did go slow, easing himself in with nothing less than the utmost caution, though his body wished he could have done otherwise. Patience, patience, he reminded himself. All good things came to those who wait-his mother always reminded him when he was little, usually in the context of finding food or preparing it, but in general, she tried her best to imprint that lesson firmly into his brain. This was not quite the same as hunting (or all the other routine tasks he took on back then,) but the thrill of achieving the long-awaited success was identical. Well, maybe it wasn't long, necessarily, but it sure felt that way and he was only too pleased when Keiko let him know she was comfortable and ready for him to continue. 

Keiko was-if not open, at least compromising-to new and varied activities in bed, so long as there wasn't a lot of pain involved. In the present moment, some minute after Joseph began fucking her, she could have lived without having his foot by her face while all this was happening. "Huh, guess there's a name for everything." Leila mused once a long while back when the two of them (along with Joseph) accidentally stumbled on a porn site with a man fucking a woman while putting his foot on her head after an attempt to re-boot an old computer went wrong. "What?" Keiko was left dumbfounded while Leila shrugged, unimpressed with the man's mediocre physique and weak thrust game. "Joseph tried that with me once. 7 out of 10, but I also told him that if he messed up any of my piercings I'd bite his balls off." 

Entering the present moment once more, Keiko was glad that Joseph at least had the sense not to put his foot on her head-for one thing, Keiko was not built for the same kinds of physical activity as Leila. In some ways, she was jealous, but at the same time, she was glad she would never be on the business end of "the curb stomp," as the aptly named porn clip called it. Whatever the case, Keiko was long past the point of being able to vocalize her feelings into whole, complete sentences with properly utilized words in the English language. Joseph was many things, some more immediately noticeable than others-not that Keiko was complaining, of course, but it was a lot to take in, figuratively as well as literally. Her tiny frame trembling and her soft, smooth skin drenched in a thin layer of sweat, she covered her mouth with one hand, her other desperately scrabbling for something to grab onto while Joseph drilled away at her without any more restraint than what was necessary not to hurt her. The timing and rhythm of his thrusts remained steady and her small body felt like a ball of fire, her skin reacting to his touch like an electrical shock (but less painful, of course,) every cell and nerve ending in her body totally and completely overwhelmed by every aspect of what she felt. 

It was amazing what she could get used to, she thought, sighing with relief when he thrust in particularly hard, nice and deep, hitting every pleasurable spot along the way, his hips stuttering a little as she felt herself clench around him, squeezing his cock with her tight, soaking wet cunt. There was almost nothing left, but Keiko made sure to keep her hand pressed against her mouth like her life depended on it (as there were times in the past where it very well might have been the case,) squeezing her eyes shut as he stilled his hips for a moment, riding through the waves of her orgasm as his own shot through her. With some help from Leila, Keiko had been able to make a natural form of contraception to avoid the stress of having to worry about getting pregnant. Having a child would not be in her best interest-or anyone else's-at the moment, and most likely not for the foreseeable future. 

Lying on the bed in an exhausted, sweaty heap, Keiko curled up under a blanket while Joseph went to go get them something to clean up with. He was far from the most refined and fastidious type where sex (or anything else) was concerned but Keiko was never not grateful that he always went out of his way to stay as clean as possible in the middle of the apocalypse-diseases and infections were often a worse way to die than most, and life already had enough pain. Though not the only reason-it was near the top of the list, however-it helped her appreciate the good she could find in the midst of it all that much more. It was getting dark outside, but not quite so dark that Keiko couldn't see the last bit of light from the sun peeking through the cheap old curtains on the window. Rolling over to flip her pillow to the cool side, Keiko felt only too glad to be able to cherish the little things in life, which sometimes felt much bigger than she ever would have thought possible.


	7. Encountering Jerkoffs with Truck Nuts in the Wild Has Unexpected Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not one for the squeamish, but if you want to read about two girls "helping" their friend out in a Nsfw sort of way, carry on if you're brave and not easily disturbed. There are also some generic white trash redneck villains in the beginning so tw for racist/homophobic slurs.

America was a very interesting place sometimes, for better or for worse. Usually, in Joseph's case, it had turned out to be for the worse. 

"Fuck-" Joseph hissed in pain when he stumbled, scraping a good slice of skin right off his arm. 

It was a shallow wound, nothing that wouldn't heal in a few days for him, but the fact that he had barely noticed told him the effects of whatever he had been shot in the ass with were going to be much worse than he thought. 

It was his turn to go scouting into the nearby town (someplace that used to be called Montgomery, Alabama, not that he knew or cared.) He didn't mind-he and Leila traded off on that particular duty during the current stretch of their journey (which seemed to be increasingly likely to be cursed,) since Keiko was too valuable to risk going scouting and not physically up for the task, and today happened to be his turn. Finding a few stray jack-offs clad mostly in ill-fitting denim, confederate flag apparel, and a few poorly-fitting Klan hoods was not exactly unexpected-if that was the worst thing he encountered, he'd have considered himself lucky. Against all odds, he was still alive, not in prison, no longer forced to kill people for some old Nazi fucker, and when he wasn't scouting, he got to spend time with two cute girls he enjoyed hanging out with. He was forced to re-consider his logic, however, when he heard the sound of truck engines revving up and a few explosion going off in the distance.

"Where'd that rat fucker go?" Zelbert, a scowling man with 12 teeth and a bushy, lice-infested beard sitting under his many chins, roared, cocking his hunting rifle as as group of skinny, emaciated-looking teenagers began beating someone to death nearby, ripping the poor bastard from limb to limb with ghoulish glee etched in their hollow faces. 

"What're you talkin' about, Zel?" Rob, a hideous man with a face that resembled a goblin more than a man, cackled, pulling the pin on a grenade and tossing it in the distance. 

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" the overweight middle-aged man shouted to Rob, one of his partners-in-crime. "That jacked motherfucker with girly hair-" Zelbert fumbled with his rifle, the trigger getting stuck at the exact worst moment as the band of teenagers started howling with glee as they dug into what remained of the man they had torn apart, their faces and hands covered in blood. They looked hungry, or hungrier than usual for people who were stuck living in the apocalypse. "That fucking shit cunt with fag hair stole the bag with all our food!" 

"Well, whadd'ya want me to do about it?" 

The teenagers, having finished tearing their victim to pieces too small even for a rat, started shrieking, some of them sniffing the ground hunting for more food. 

"Go look for him, you dumb cunt!" 

Rob, tripping on his too-saggy pants, screamed when one of the teenagers grabbed his ankle, gnawing on it like a hungry dog. 

"Aw, fucking hell, do I have to do everything myself-useless fucking fags, some illegal piece of shit stole out food-" Zelbert complained, ignoring Rob's screams as the teenagers held him down, one of them brandishing a hunting knife rusted from being covered in dried blood so often, carving up the bastard like a Thanksgiving turkey. 

Joseph had plenty of run-ins with these types of cunts before, nothing he hadn't been able to handle without too much of a sweat. This time, however, he had gotten caught rummaging through what appeared to be an abandoned Wal-Mart by a group of decently armed thugs. Most of them were nothing special, and Joseph killed most of them, but before he could kill the last two, the sound of a few trucks heading towards the Wal-Mart caught his attention, his instincts telling him to worry about picking off the last two thugs later. 

Before the trucks arrived (or so he thought,) a group of starving cannibals had spotted the two remaining thugs, giving Joseph the perfect distraction to run away with the huge bag of food he found, at least until he felt something hit him in the ass, like being shot with a small, thin arrow. It didn't hurt much, and from what he could feel, he could only guess it had barely even broken his skin (it hadn't, because it wasn't an arrow at all.) Muttering to himself when he heard one of the thugs in weird flag-themed clothes yell and curse about not being able to find him, he decided it was well past time to head back and call it a day. The bag of food he found would last weeks if the contents were stretched out carefully enough. He barely made it more than several yards away when he felt a sudden deep, aching throb between his legs-

"Fuck, why the hell is this happening now?" Joseph hid behind a tree, taking off his belt and throwing it aside. He didn't really need to unzip his pants to check out what the hell was going on, but he did, surprised that he was hard-like ridiculously so, not even a half-chub or anything. "Shit-" It hurt so badly he would have thought he hadn't gotten a good nut in months, even though he had beaten off just last night while Keiko and Leila took a bath. He was down to fuck almost anytime, but being hunted by some annoying trashy post-apocalyptic thugs wasn't one of them. He crumpled to the ground, feeling oddly light-headed and a twinge in his stomach that he didn't like, like being so hungry that he felt sick. 

It was true that he always left the best parts of whatever they found or hunted for Keiko and Leila, but they hadn't exactly been starving lately, considering he had butchered a deer a few days ago. Still, he zipped his jeans back up and stumbled on, running on willpower as much as anything else, only making it a few more feet before stumbling to his knees, dropping the bag beside him. Being a little dizzy and nauseous was nothing new to him, given the combinations of drugs he had sampled before as well as the general sort of bullshit he tended to get involved in more than most people, but the throbbing hard-on he was sporting ached so bad it hurt enough to add to the twinge of nausea sitting in the pit of his stomach. This was ridiculous, but he couldn't decide whether he wanted to jump in a cold river or rub one out, but there was no river nearby and now wasn't a good time for the last one. 

Shouts and screams erupted in the background as the last two thugs he ran into got slaughtered by whoever had been in the trucks he heard earlier, Joseph taking out a half-empty plastic bottle of water he happened to have with him and poured it over his head, finding the tiny bit of coolness he felt from it oddly relieving but not nearly enough. He trudged on anyways, trying not to spend too much time adjusting his cock so it wouldn't hurt more than it had to, finally giving up when he tripped on a rock, scraping some skin off his arm by accident. 

Biting his lip to hold back a wave of nausea, he picked up a handful of leaves off a bush-he knew from experience what type of plant it was and how it would help, and, after fighting through blurry vision and a racing heartbeat, he chewed the leaves into a paste, rubbing it on his arm. Sighing in relief from the pain on his arm, he spat out a little blood that got in his mouth, picking up the bag he had dropped and heading back to the abandoned house he now called home, wincing in pain as he felt the way his jeans rubbed against his cock, noting with disappointment that the underwear he had on was so old it had frayed to the point of being next to useless. Why the fuck did I wear jeans today-he cringed, clenching his jaw when he finally spotted the house on the horizon. The less Keiko and Leila found out about this, the better. 

_____

While a dozen trucks with the biggest, fattest truck nuts hanging off the rear bumpers whizzed by a deserted highway, none of the three people inside an abandoned single-story house with a wraparound porch were paying attention to it. Two of them, who were busy throwing out some trash, noticed the sound for a moment, disregarding it as the trucks passed by without seeing them. 

"Damn it all-" Joseph felt his throat tighten as he swallowed way too hard, the sensation of uncomfortable heat gnawing somewhere so deep inside him that he couldn't name it. Everything hurt and his head was spinning, though he wasn't tired-he couldn't have slept even if he wanted to, and despite being overwhelmed with insane hunger-for something, anything that would get rid of the horrible gnawing so deep inside him it felt like a cavernous pit filled with nothing at all-the last thing he wanted to do was sleep. The only reason he was lying flat on his back on a bed that was just barely large enough for him, one arm around a pillow, his heart pounding a mile a minute and sweat coating his skin. He was way, way too awake for his own good yet also too dizzy to get up and do something productive, fighting a sensation so aggravating and disturbing that he couldn't describe it while every cell in his body protested the horrible, pounding, throbbing ache that consumed him. 

After stumbling in the house, climbing through a window on one side of the porch, his head too fuzzy to remember how to open the front door, by pure luck, he ended up in his own room, sweating and panting and filled with nothing but pure, unadulterated misery. His imagination went into overdrive, his wrist sore from beating off so hard it almost hurt, but no matter how hard he tried, it wasn't enough. There was no way to get rid of this, he thought, an increasing sense of horror flooding his brain as the ache deep in the pit of his stomach no longer carried any sense of pleasure, only pain. This is how it ends, he thought, his vision blurring as the lights seemed to grow fuzzier and the urge to move clashed with the pounding headache that developed whenever he tried. He realized back when he was making his way through the modest patch of trees behind the abandoned Wal-Mart that whatever hit him back there had been meant to poison him, assuming someone had aimed for him on purpose as opposed to aiming for one of the two thugs he was planning to kill and hitting him by accident. 

Speed, meth, coke, heroin, jungle juice, bath salts, whatever- if it was out there, he tried it-prescription or illegal, it made no difference to him-whatever got him high was enough, until it wasn't-it had been years since he had been able to get a good high off of anything, even inventing a few things nobody else had tried before along the way. He had some pills a while back he sometime used to relax a bit but some jackass he ran into and got in a fight with stole them, leaving him with nothing but his own thoughts to keep him company for however long it would take until whatever was happening to him decided to free him from his misery.

"Oh, good." Keiko, who had just spotted where she had put the pile of clothes she had washed, noticed a few of Joseph's shirts and pants lying on a chair. "I'll go put these in his room, that way when he comes back he'll have some clean clothes to change into-" 

The last word died the moment it passed her lips when, after she opened the door, she found Joseph lying there naked as the day he was born, his forehead coated in sweat and a quietly miserable look on his face-oh, and he was also hard. 

"Oh, fucking hell, what did you take this time?" Leila, who pushed open the door without even bothering to look at Keiko, asked him after Keiko let out a shriek, dropping the pile of clean clothes she had been holding. 

"It wasn't my idea." Joseph's voice was strained, hist throat tight as he struggled to get words out. "I got shot-I think someone poisoned me. One moment I was killing some assholes who tried to steal my stuff the next moment I started feeling funny and-well, this happened." 

Leila scanned Joseph's naked body with an unreadable expression, Keiko unconsciously stepping closer to her while her heart continued pounding like a set of drums. "You look awful." Leila quietly squeezed Keiko's shoulder before leaving the room to grab something, turning to Keiko to tell her something. "Stay with him until I come back."

"What-what's that for?" 

"Keiko, take his blood pressure." 

Being at a complete loss for making just about any decision by herself in the moment, Keiko wordlessly complied, squeezing Joseph's wrist lightly-Shit. She had to squeeze so hard to take his pulse, her own wrist hurt when she was done, wincing in pain when Leila asked her how his blood pressure was. 

"Nevermind. It's not good, I can tell that much." Leila had returned with a small bucket filled with God knows what-not that Keiko had time to ask. "Stay there and squeeze his hand or something." 

"Huh?" 

Keiko barely had a moment to register what happened when Leila dumped some cold water on Joseph's head, staring at him wordlessly when he coughed a bit, still breathing hard. 

"He really got hit with some strong stuff. Highly concentrated amphetamines, probably. Some armies use them on their soldiers to keep them awake for weeks on end to win battles or complete a time-sensitive mission. This one seems to have a rather unusual side effect, however." 

"Wait, what?" 

Leila didn't bother explaining further-Leila was not the type of person to explain anything unless specifically asked to-if someone didn't understand what was going on, it was on them to ask for clarification. 

"Ugh, this is worse than crashing after mixing everything you got at once." Joseph muttered. 

"You look like that's the case." If Leila noticed how hard he was, which she had, she barely reacted, cocking an eyebrow at him for a moment when she first saw him lying on the bed but otherwise saying and doing nothing about it, reaching into a drawer to grab something. "A quick question, though-you didn't walk all the way back here with that-" it was obvious what Leila was referring to, but Keiko refused to look. She had seen naked men before, but somehow looking at Joseph when he was in the sort of state he was currently in felt like a strange invasion of privacy, never-mind that she had seen pretty much everything there was to see about him before. 

"No, I tore my jeans trying to get in through the window though so I just threw them out." 

"Ugh-well, anyways, I'd ask you if you remember what you were shot with, but I know you wouldn't remember so I'll ask you this instead-how long have you been dealing with that?" 

Keiko knew damn well what "that" was, and even though she refused to look, the more Leila mentioned it, the more flustered she felt. 

"Man, I don't know, I don't even remember how I made it back. Hurts like hell, though. I tried rubbing one out but it doesn't work." 

Leila shrugged, sitting on the bed, gesturing for Keiko to sit with her. "Don't give me that look, I'm trying to help." Leila admonished Joseph in that cool, nearly deadpan voice of hers. 

"Aw, come on, really? That's how you want to help?" Joseph moaned a little, likely from the pain of being stuck with, well, "that." Keiko refused to mention it by name-this is too embarrassing, she thought, wondering if she should just leave and let Leila and Joseph figure this out by themselves. Whatever he got shot with clearly led to "that," but Keiko was only a scientist in training, she wasn't equipped to deal with whatever the hell was going on here. 

"Oh, don't freak out, you big baby. Just because it's shaped like a cock doesn't mean it is one. Besides, if you can't get rid of that using your hand, obviously we'll have to try something else." 

Keiko felt her heart stop, her mouth filling with saliva and her jaw clenching as her eyes went wide in a unique combination of emotions she could only hope she would never experience again. The double-sided strap-on Leila was holding was only similar to a certain male appendage in that it had a basic cylindrical shape and perhaps length, being somewhat thinner that an actual "thing" would be. Leila found the toy in a dumpster a while back, deciding to clean it up and keep it-her original plan had been to sell it or trade it with any interested randoms they might have stumbled upon but the universe recently revealed other possibilities to her, and she figured she might as well use the chance to explore those possibilities. 

"What the-" Keiko's thought process was not too far off from Joseph's, both of them giving each other a frantic, wild-eyed look as Leila shrugged, preparing to put it on. 

"Really, though? Why that?" Joseph complained, his voice still strained. "Can't you just use your mouth or something? Besides, I've never had anything up there before-" Aside from an unfortunate encounter with something that had tentacles, he was telling the truth, but the tentacle incident was something he vowed never to speak of mainly for the sake of whatever was left of his own mental health.

"Just be patient a moment longer, I told you I'd help you out and I always keep a promise." 

Keiko glanced at the door, wondering whether she shouldn't just make a dash for it anyways but Leila's icy cold eyes froze her in place. "That's where you come in.": 

"I do?" 

"Yes. Don't worry, you can keep your clothes on. Sit down by me and do what I tell you to." 

Keiko gulped, forcing herself not to crack her own jaw with nothing but sheer willpower. "Uh-" 

Oh God-

"Really, though? Up the ass?" There were men who liked getting pegged (or found the idea hot, at least,) Joseph, however, didn't fall into that category. 

"Going off by what you told me, the quickest way to solve your problem is to maximize the amount of stimulation you receive at the same time, this is the obvious solution. If it helps, close your eyes and think about something else-besides, Keiko will be here to help too, just focus on what she does if it makes you more comfortable." 

Since Leila didn't seem to show any interest on using the toy she found on Keiko but said that she needed Keiko's help, Keiko could only assume there was one of two ways she could be useful in the moment, and since Leila told her she could keep her clothes on, she had a faint idea of which option was more likely. Shivering a little as a chill shot up her spine, Keiko kneeled on the bed, her face beet red from embarrassment. 

"Fine-this is really aggravating, so just hurry up and do whatever you're gonna do already." Joseph huffed-annoying as it was, he just wanted this horrible feeling to end, and if that involved something going inside him, then he'd just have to grit his teeth and handle it. 

"What am I here for again?" Keiko asked, not sure if she really wanted to hear the answer, but her mouth opened and words came out anyways. 

"You're gonna suck him off-I know you can't fit it all the way in, but trust me when I say it doesn't matter, just do the best you can." 

Ah. Well, that wasn't so hard, she thought-under different circumstances, welcoming him home after a long day this way wouldn't be so bad-Keiko's face burned even harder-she wasn't sure if all of this would be more or less awkward if she didn't find him attractive, but regardless, she had a job to do, and failing at a job this easy would be too embarrassing to even think about. 

"Mmm, that's-" Joseph didn't know exactly how he would describe it, but he managed to blink for the first time in 57 minutes, so he definitely wanted to feel more of it. "That feels good-" Petting Keiko's hair was a good distraction from the fact that 1) there was something vaguely phallic-shaped being shoved in his ass (after adequate preparation, of course, and slowly,) even if it was Leila doing it, and 2) it felt better than he expected. Getting head at the same time definitely helped, though. "Ah, fucking hell-fuck, it feels so good." 

Though he thought he was looking at the ceiling and the ceiling was unusually plain and blurry, his eyes had simply rolled back a little more than they probably should have, his chest rising and falling and the horrible, agonizing tension making every muscle in his body throb, including the ones that really had no business doing that kind of thing, no longer focusing on his pounding heartbeat or the thump thump thump sound that had taken up space in his head after getting shot in the ass by a stray bullet meant for someone else. 

Leila didn't speak, because she rarely spoke during any kind of sex, except for telling Keiko what to do and encouraging her when she did the right thing, but Keiko felt her heart slam against her rib-cage every time Joseph made some kind of noise, which happened more and more often as she kept on sucking his cock, hollowing out her cheeks and swirling her tongue around no matter how much it hurt, her mouth not being the right size to handle the sort of thing she was currently handling. Lampreys, along with some other kinds of deep sea creatures, had no jaws and could just suck whatever they wanted into their mouths (or almost whatever they wanted, at least), and Keiko found herself wondering what being a jaw-less deep-sea fish would be like. Probably a lot less awkward than being a human, especially one who was in a peculiar tryst with a man and a woman who could both be described in a very similar way-

"If it makes you feel less awkward, I can finger you." Leila offered, Keiko nodding with her mouth full because what the hell, there was no way things could get any weirder and the distraction might prove useful. 

"Good, try not to move around much, though, this is a bit harder than it looks." Leila replied, Keiko feeling supremely glad that, with her mouth full, she didn't have to say anything.

Not like there was anything to say. Nothing worth saying, at least. Really, what was there to say when you and your friend had to help your other friend get rid of an erection that- in an unsettling sort of way, like the warning they always mentioned in those Viagra commercials, wouldn't go away because he got shot in the ass with some kind of super-stimulant meant to turn military combatants into super-killing weapons.  
Keiko had always liked kids, but she kind of hoped she wouldn't have kids because there was no way she'd ever want them to find out about the sorts of things she ended up doing with Joseph and Leila more often than not. That, and subjecting any hypothetical kids to having a grandmother like her mother would probably be classified as some kind of human rights violation by the U.N. Luckily her mother was probably dead. Unfortunately there was no re-set button Keiko could press to end up in a universe where someone didn't shoot Joseph in the ass with something that, if left to take its course, would kill him from stress if he didn't get any help. 

Leila always kept her nails short, just like her-Keiko was all about practicality, and being a budding scientist, having long fingernails would be a major faux-pas in a lab or even just typing up research papers. At any rate, even aside from that, it felt much better to have someone else's fingers inside her than her own-not that she didn't know what to do, but having someone else do it just felt so different and this way, her hand didn't cramp up like it did sometimes when she did it herself.

"Ugh, fuck-" Keiko's heart leapt in her throat when she heard Joseph groan. Why did his voice have to be so deep, she wondered-finding that the low, rumbling noise drew her attention to how wet she was. :"Fuck, don't stop, that's perfect-" Keiko wasn't sure which one of them he was talking to, probably both, but she decided it didn't matter. 

If Leila noticed, which she must have, she said nothing, her other hand splayed on Joseph's chest, squeezing a little because frankly, he had a nice chest and she appreciated it. The deep, guttral growling groans and grunts he made were also pleasant to hear, the same way the soft, high-pitched little noises Keiko made were. In many ways, Leila was as fussy as they came, but if she was fond of anyone, what they were made no difference to her. It just so happened that usually, those people ended up being men, but Keiko was a welcome exception to the general rule. At any rate, the two of them would be useless without her, she realized, and despite their clashing personality traits and the occasional drama that ensued because of it, Leila was glad to call them both her friends, slowly rocking her hips back and forth while she kept her gaze firmly on both of them, watching with quiet, matter-of-fact interest, revealing nothing in the way of her emotions outside of her eyes that just so happened to have a little more spark in them than usual. Her eyes widening for a fraction of a second when she felt Keiko clench around her fingers, she gave the other girl a quick glance, checking to make sure she was alright, switching to rubbing her own clit when she was confident that she was. Aside from being a little sweaty, Leila didn't look very disheveled, and she wasn't the type who made lots of noise-besides, she enjoyed being able to concentrate on her friends more closely. 

Keiko felt a little tired now, but having her own orgasm helped distract her from any discomfort she might have felt sucking Joseph's cock, finding that the smell and taste were not so bad-the only downside was her jaw aching, but from what she could tell, he seemed close, so it wasn't hard to will herself to continue so she could help him finish-it wasn't fair to quit now and leave it all up to Leila, after all. Breathing in and out her nose wasn't too hard, either, except when she heard Joseph moan again, in a voice so rough and guttural it made her head spin. By now, her lips were feeling numb, so she resorted to using her hand to grab the part she couldn't fit in her mouth, hoping all the while she had made the right choice. 

"Ahh, fuck, fuck, that's good-shit, I'm gonna-" Joseph's voice cut off as he squeezed his eyes shut, gripping a fistful of Keiko's hair while he rested his other hand on Leila's thigh, squeezing his eyes shut as his nose scrunched up, groaning in a deep exhale when Keiko realized what had happened. After everything she had seen (and felt,) during the apocalypse, and even before, swallowing a little cum wasn't going to kill her. Hopefully. Somebody in Florida once died giving someone a blowjob in 2069, but she wasn't in Florida right now. 

When Joseph let go of Keiko's hair, Leila wordlessly pulled out of him, easing the double-sided toy out of herself and tossing it to the side. She had dealt with things much more awkward than this before. No sweat, really (except for the fact that she herself was a little sweaty, which didn't surprise her, of course. Fucking Joseph was a pretty good workout for her core, and Joseph and Keiko were both pretty fun to listen to. Or watch. Or both. Both of which she had done more times than she cared to admit when she wasn't personally involved herself, whether they knew about it or not. 

"Don't hold me to this, but right now, I think I can feel my legs again. And everything else you're supposed to be feeling, but better." Joseph's voice was still a bit hoarse, but he could also chalk some of that up to some unfortunate choices regarding his taste in alcohol that he had indulged in the day before. "I'm not gonna say being the woman while fucking is my favorite thing in the world but it was less bad than I thought it was gonna be." 

Keiko squeaked when Joseph scooped her up in his arms, kissing her on the cheek, and Leila gave no verbal reaction when Joseph pulled her down in his lap too, but Keiko could have sworn she saw the corners of her mouth turn upwards slightly. 

"You're welcome. I know trying something like that can be awkward and I wouldn't have suggested it if-well, you know-but I'm glad you're okay now." 

"Finally I remember what I wanted to do when I got back too." Joseph replied, pulling both of them down on the bed on top of him so they were both lying on top of him. "Sleep." 

"Well, it's pretty late, after all, that wouldn't be the worst idea in the world." 

Keiko said nothing, resting her head on Joseph's chest and focusing on how comfortable it was. His workout routine (whatever that was,) and his genes certainly did him some favors in some areas, that much was undeniable. Besides that, he had gone through a whole lot of trouble to bring them back food and if that wasn't a sign that his personality was just as quality as the rest of him, nothing was. All in a typical day after the end of the world, she supposed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truck_nuts In case you're like "what the fuck are truck nuts?"


	8. Always Carry Around A Metaphorical Screwdriver In Case the Screws In Your Head Get Loose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may not be able to fit everything in your mouth, but you can fit almost anything in your mind if you have enough space in your hippocampus.

It wasn't every day Keiko found strip clubs (there were multiple) in a retirement home, but then, no day in the apocalypse was "every day." All Keiko knew was that one, each day was stranger than the last, and two, her lifetime supply of fucks to give had experienced a sharp decline after a bunch of shambling corpses popped out of the ground and the pollution in the Pacific Ocean finally gained sentience and gave birth to something no human language could describe. Finding a way to stop people from turning into said shambling corpses was, of course, a number one priority. The rest, well, that was more or less negotiable. 

The ground was dry and brown under her feet, the result of a recent drought that hit the area like Muhammad Ali and George Foreman duking it out with each other, and she could hear someone smacking their lips together, likely the result of a dry mouth, she figured after seeing the guy leaning against a boulder desperately suck at an empty water bottle. No matter how much water she drank, everything kind of tasted like dirt after a while and it got on her nerves, but until she could find her way out of this fresh new hellhole, there was no avoiding it. 

"Mmm-fuck-" Keiko was a lot of things. Small was one of them. Even her mouth was small. That didn't stop her from sucking off Joseph in a half-rotted lean-to with an ugly tarp thrown over the open side. "That feels good, keep doing that." 

There wasn't a whole lot of anything in what used to be known as Omaha, Nebraska back in the ancient reign of the United States of America as a world superpower, so when Joseph, Keiko, and Leila stumbled upon the settlement after their last car they stole so rudely broke down in the middle of a highway filled with zombies, they weren't expecting to find their fill of entertainment. The city, or what was left of it, consisted of a former retirement home transformed into a sort of post-apocalyptic sanctuary for the weirdest of the weird, a place where an amazingly unhinged bunch of very, very unstable people carved out a little home for themselves in the middle of the apocalypse. If that happened to involve multiple strip clubs, a tree-house full of Juggaloes, some hobos, and a smattering of people who had escaped from a mental asylum inside a town run by a fundamentalist cult that was about 100 miles north, well, they'd seen weirder. Hell, Joseph was one of those weirder things himself. 

"What are you doing?" Keiko asked Leila after she started climbing a tree. It had to have been at least 50 feet tall, but Leila seemed undeterred, wearing a quiet, stoic expression on her face that, as was typical for her, indicated nothing regarding her emotional state. 

"Don't worry about it. It's just something I like to do from time to time. It gives me space to think." 

Joseph, who was used to it, shrugged, digging through his backpack for a water bottle. "You want one?" he asked Keiko after Leila disappeared up the tree. 

"Uh, sure-thank you." Keiko just barely managed to catch the bottle Joseph tossed at her, opening it carefully while Joseph grabbed one for himself. 

After wandering around for a bit (all within the perimeters of the new city they had stumbled upon,) Joseph and Keiko spotted a group of people dancing to some loud music near the retirement home that served as the base of operations for the city. Judging by the sounds of yelling, cheering, and laughter, Joseph, who seemed unconcerned in a rather unsettling way, correctly assumed they were all high as fuck. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Keiko had no problem leaving Joseph or Leila to their own devices when they all had enough time to decompress from whatever fresh new hell had been sprung on them most recently, but a nagging sense of discomfort settling in the pit of her stomach made her feel uneasy. 

"Some of them look like they might have some stuff worth trading for." Keiko allowed herself to blink once before responding-it's probably better that I don't know how he knows these kinds of things-she knew him well enough to know what he was looking for, although even if she didn't, the different and equally unpleasant smells in the air and the giddy, overly relaxed way the crowd was dancing to the music or staggering around as they mingled with each other would have been a dead giveaway. 

"Ah, well, I'll leave you to it, then." The apocalypse had taught Keiko many things, like her tolerance for loud noises, how fast she could run, how much she could sweat before suffering heat stroke, and how to shove a fake eyeball back into someone's eye-socket, but even the apocalypse wasn't enough to help her understand Joseph. 

Unwilling to part from her company, Joseph grabbed her arm, dragging her along. "You don't have to leave, this won't take long." 

Of all the things Keiko enjoyed doing, trading with hobos for drugs wasn't one of them, but hell, it was the apocalypse, and things could always be worse. Without flinching more than once, Keiko told her legs to move and followed Joseph silently-having two brains in this situation would be better than one, after all. 

How they ended up in the lean-to after that was a bit fuzzy, and Keiko didn't remember why, mainly because whenever she tried to focus on remembering anything, her head felt fuzzy like that one TV channel that was always just static, but she supposed it wasn't all that bad. She was warm, lying on a soft blanket, and Joseph was running his fingers through her hair, the sound of his deep voice rumbling in her ear in a rough, husky tone adding to that pleasant warm feeling inside her that curled like a spring waiting to be released deep in her core. Even the soreness in her jaw was easy to ignore at this point, pushing through it to hollow out her mouth around his cock. Not an easy task, by any means, nor was she an expert, having never gone past second base with anyone before him, but everything was so warm and quiet and she liked the way it made her feel when he pet her hair, clutching on to some of the soft pink curls as she swirled her tongue oh-so-carefully and splayed her hand across his abs under his shirt and slowly, steadily breathed through her nose, in an out, her heart pounding and her thighs shaking as he dipped a few fingers inside her, toying with her as she sucked him off. 

The air was cool, but not uncomfortably so, a nice, balmy evening in early autumn, just when the leaves should have started falling off the trees (now, that only happened in late November, if at all,) Keiko's hand slipping as she heard Joseph hum in a low voice, gripping a fistful of her hair with more force. "Ah, fuck, just like that-keep going, that's it-" his voice was unsteady, halting now and then as she took a sharp breath, trying to take every inch possible (not all, but enough,) her lips swollen and her jaw aching but nothing inside her gave her the idea that now was an okay time to quit, and not just because Joseph was also giving her a personal demonstration of what he could do with his fingers. 

Swallowing around his cock as best as she could, her pounding heartbeat thumping in her ears as intense as thunder and the sizzling heat in her core throbbing threatening to overwhelm her, it was all she could do to not choke when Joseph rested his hand on the back of her head, his fingers buried in her thick hair-even in her current state, Keiko could tell he was expending a significant amount of willpower not to push her head down, the thought leaving her with a mixture of concern and arousal. That he enjoyed it this much gave her a funny feeling inside, the blood rushing through her veins practically ringing in her ears-"Ugh-" a short pause, and the buzzing her ears transformed into a roar-"Fuck, you're good at this-" Keiko felt her stomach drop when he paused to take a breath, his fingers still locked in her hair with that terrifying force-"that mouth of yours really is something-" 

Joseph was-not articulate, to say the least. It was unusual for someone like Keiko, but she didn't judge-she was not her mother, after all. Her mother, who, if she found her in this sort of situation, wouldn't hesitate to disown her. Keiko could no longer say if she was alive or not, but the thought sent a chill up her spine, and not the good kind. Such thoughts weren't relevant, considering she hadn't seen the woman in months, or years, more like, but Keiko could not deny her nature-thoughts like this often intruded on her, it was just the way she was built, but now she knew what to do. There was only one thing to do, really. 

"Fuck, I'm gonna-" Joseph had been-polite was not quite the right word-proactive, at least-to pull her panties to the side and slide a few fingers inside her pussy, pumping them in and out and rubbing her clit while she sucked him off, and Keiko was just about to cum right then, gasping in a muffled voice, unable to suppress the high-pitched, strangled noise when she did, her body shaking and her head swimming as a shock of white-hot electric bliss flooded her body, her eyes only popping open when she tasted salty hot liquid heat on her tongue-Oh God, I'm still not used to that-her taste-buds aside, the rest of her was quite pleased, though-more than pleased. Joseph was quite good at giving hands-on demonstrations, after all. 

Her head still fuzzy as she recovered from the sudden jolt to her entire system, her body trembling as she rested her head on Joseph's lap and her inner thighs coated in slick-well, nobody will find out about this. That was her immediate thought when she realized she had squirted-besides, there was no proof the blanket she had been lying on belonged to anybody in particular. 

"Damn, that felt good-" Keiko felt her heart skip a beat when he pet her head again, a look in his eyes that she might have called soft if she knew what a soft expression looked like on his face. He was expressive, if nothing else, that intensity revealed in his facial expressions just as much as anything else-seeing a calmer look on his face was rarer than it was for most people. "Never thought a shy little thing like you would get that good at this." the small laugh in his voice as he lifted her skirt up made her mouth run dry (after she spit out the result of her unexpected skills, of course.) What came next was what really sent her in a tizzy as his quick, skilled fingers brushed against the inside of her thighs. "Seems like I made a mess, I ought to clean it up." 

She had helped him out, so she figured this wouldn't be the worst idea in the world-in the end, though, she was shy after all, gasping in a small voice when Joseph gently laid her down, kissing her thighs while he held her legs down, pausing after each kiss to gauge her reaction-if she asked him to stop, he would-the look in her eyes was so adorable, though. Cute, cute, cute-being descriptive was not his strong suit, but with a girl like Keiko, what use was that anyways? She was simply too cute for words and way too irresistible to not make sure she was as satisfied as could be. 

That's not so bad-feeling embarrassed about what happened at first, Keiko resolved to live and let live for once-enjoy the moment for a change, giving Joseph a short nod when he had finished kissing all the way up her thighs. Strip clubs, retirement homes, and strip clubs inside a retirement home in the center of a dilapidated post-apocalyptic city weren't exactly her idea of fine living, but hey, there were worse things to stumble on in the middle of the apocalypse.


	9. Take a Leisurely Stroll on the Freeway to the Nutshack

The aluminum shacks, dilapidated lean-tos, old battered-looking tents, mobile homes, and RV's strewn on either side of the massive highway weren't exactly aesthetically pleasing, but at least the surrounding area seemed to be unoccupied by masses of the living dead or assorted troublemakers of the variety that still had a pulse. If anyone lived here, Keiko felt sorry for them. She felt sorry for everyone, including herself (though she kept that last part to herself, because nobody liked a complainer.) Besides, she thought, gazing at the dirt, rocks, and sad dry, brown patches of grass on the ground on either side of the shitty old highway she was walking on, trailing a little behind her two friends. 

Friends-there were probably more accurate terms for what to call them, but Keiko wasn't the type of person who had enough experience with true, genuine friendship before to be able to tell the difference. Either way, they were there, and for reasons beyond her understanding, they tolerated her, and she tolerated them. Back in her old life, before the world ended, nobody but a few of the therapists she had visited and her colleagues in her internship had ever acted like they cared about her or what happened to her, and thus meeting Leila and Joseph was quite the culture shock for her, even if Leila was oddly distant and spoke in such a monotone voice that it took Keiko careful observation to discover her true feelings. Joseph paid attention to her, too, maybe (definitely) a little too much, and she couldn't yet feel confident she understood what it meant, but regardless, the cold, hard truth of the matter was simple. Her social life after the apocalypse was better than it had been before. 

Keiko didn't like to dwell on stuff like that too much, though, afraid to think too hard about what, if anything, it meant, keeping her gaze fixed on the worn-down highway in front of her when she had absorbed enough of her drab, depressing surroundings for her liking. 

"Oh, look, new people!" 

"Oh, sweet, I love new people!" 

Keiko looked up, discovering a group of disheveled, roughed-up looking people. People that wouldn't be allowed into a gated community back home, at the very least, and not just because they looked like none of them had ever made enough money to pay taxes in their lives. Leila didn't seem any more or less impressed than she usually was (not very,) and Joseph, not finding any cute girls among them, looked a little bored, but answered when they asked who he was. 

"Hey, that's you." Leila nudged Keiko when one of them asked who was the "leader" of their group. 

"Huh-" Keiko swallowed hard, fear settling in the pit of her stomach even though despite the weapons they were carrying, they all looked more than too run-down, bored, or stoned to bother even hurting a fly. "Oh, uh,-" somehow, she squeaked out a pathetic little introduction, explained her increasingly hopeless mission to find a way to fix the sorry state of the affairs the world had been plunged into, and didn't fall over on her shaky legs before they all reached a shipping-container-turned-temporary shelter that they were all invited to stay in for the night. 

All of that was no big deal compared to the vast majority of all the other fucked up ridiculous bullshit served to her on a silver platter during the absolute clusterfuck of the apocalypse, but even so, Keiko still had trouble figuring out how and why it had ended up with her like...well, this. If she were to look in the mirror, she would see Joseph holding her from behind, one arm (that was thicker than both of hers put together,) wrapped around her waist while he fucked her thighs. Keiko wasn't blind, but she was confused, mostly about herself and how she continually got herself into these sorts of situations so often. 

"Ahh, fuck-" Joseph cursed under his breath. The walls were cheap as hell, made of stuff that would make plywood look like rock-solid granite and if Leila was done throwing hands with the old lady who stole her wallet a few weeks ago, she would most certainly be back soon, but none of that mattered to Joseph, who was holding her tight in his arms, one hand under her shirt to grope her (he was gentler than he looked.) 

____

"Well, this isn't so bad. A little cramped, but cozy." Joseph commented after the three of them were shown to the tiny makeshift shelter, throwing his bag on an old beat-up couch in the main room. The house contained a small living area with a kitchen sink, a single couch, and a coffee table, a bathroom with a toilet, sink, and shower, and a bedroom with a single queen-sized mattress and a window covered in multi-colored duct tape. 

"I guess. As long as it's safe, that's all that matters." Keiko did a double-take when she saw a threatening looking shadow out of the corner of her eye, only to deflate like an old balloon when she saw an old lady standing outside hollering about payback or something. Sure, the old lady was 5 foot 10, with biceps like tree trunks, half-naked, wearing a necklace of human ears, and covered in tattoos, but Keiko didn't have the energy to deal with it, silently praying that she would leave soon. 

"Oh, really? You want to try me, bitch?" 

Leila was not the type to raise her voice often, so it only set off the alarm bells in Keiko's head all the more when she did, removing a necklace she was wearing and handing to Joseph. 

"Why you nasty stingy little cunt, I told you I'd get my payback, get over here and fight me you pathetic weaselly wretch!" 

Ignoring the lady's yelling, Leila handed Joseph her necklace. "I'll take it back when I'm finished." 

Finished with what-Keiko had no clue what was about to go down and at this point, she was too afraid to ask. 

Seconds later, Leila shut the door behind her and the yelling increased, interspersed with streams of yelps, cursing, and crashing sounds, followed by the sound of a motorcycle running. 

"Aren't you curious?" Keiko knew better. She knew she knew better and yet somehow she couldn't help herself. Chalk it up to stress, she told herself. The apocalypse was a great environment for producing stress, after all. 

"About what?" Joseph asked. 

"Well, why that lady is mad at Leila. Shouldn't we help Leila?" 

Joseph shrugged, no sign of worry on his face. "Nah, it's nothing she can't handle. We all get some beef with someone sometimes, just how life is." 

"You hideous slut, I'm gonna rip out your fake-ass extensions and weave them on my belt, they'll go great with my necklace-hell, I might just add two more pieces to it, then you'll have no choice but to listen to me while you rot in hell!" 

"Fake? I grew all this myself, my father taught me how to braid it too-not that you would know what having a father's like, and if your mother was half the rotten old bitch you are, I don't blame your father for walking out on her. The only thing fake around here are your tits, grandma, now stop hiding like a coward and give me my fucking money!" 

The sounds eventually died down, but the scars they left in Keiko's consciousness remained, 

Joseph being Joseph, was undeterred, plopping down next to Keiko on the couch and pulling her onto his lap. "See, it's quiet now, nothing to worry about." 

"Easy for you to say." 

Joseph, never one to give up when he thought he had a chance, started rubbing her thigh, planting a kiss on her neck. "You worry too much, you gotta enjoy the moment when you have a chance. Never know what's gonna happen, after all." 

What moment-Oh. That kind of moment. Ah, yes. Of course. Keiko was easily embarrassed, something Joseph exploited ruthlessly, to which Leila, when she was around, turned the other way without a care in the world. 

"That's the whole problem-I never know what's gonna happen." Nobody did, of course, but it was extra stressful when dealing with steady, chronic anxiety on top of it. Some people thrived off of adventure and spontaneity and Keiko wasn't one of them. 

"Ah, come on, if you have an attitude like that, who knows what you'll miss out on? The only way to find out what's out there is to look for it." Joseph kept on kissing her neck and face, making her squirm. "If I hadn't, I never would have met you." He turned her around to have her face him, holding her tighter as he kissed her all over her face and neck. "And meeting you has made life much more interesting." 

"Ah, wait-" 

Joseph stopped when Keiko removed his hand from under her skirt, pulling away from him a bit. "What if that lady comes back?" 

Joseph held her where she was, neither tightening or loosening his grip. "Oh, her? I doubt it, Leila doesn't start fights but she always finishes them." 

Always-meaning-well...

Keiko wasn't an idiot, she knew Joseph and Leila had killed a number of people, most often with nothing but their bare hands, but it wasn't something she liked to think about. She wondered what it made her, then, to be friends with them and enjoy their company and even find comfort being with them when she was feeling upset or bad about herself or found hope and her will to struggle on slipping away from her. Even thinking about it made her feel guilty, because she was thinking first and foremost about her own feelings, and wasn't that the epitome of being rude and selfish? 

"In the meantime." Joseph slid his hand further up her skirt, fiddling with the side of her panties. They weren't fancy (finding fancy clothes in the apocalypse was a complete and utter crapshoot,) but he seemed to like it just the same no matter what she wore. "Why don't we relax and enjoy ourselves while we have a moment?" 

There was no good excuse, at least nothing Keiko could think of, to brush him off, but one thing she couldn't shake was the sense of shame that settled down deep inside her, making a home in the darkest corners of her brain, that berated her for ever giving into the feelings she had developed for him in the first place. There was no way she could ever talk about this to anyone, of course, and so she wrestled with it alone, feeling bad for feeling bad and considering herself a failure as a woman and a person in general for just letting herself give in to her own feelings and sleep with someone-someone who was-

Keiko shook her head. This was not the time. She could throw a pity party for her dysfunctional mental health and self-esteem later, preferably when she was alone and there was nobody else around to be bothered by her chronic angst. "Relax, huh? If only I could relax." Sighing as she rested her head against his chest, Keiko allowed herself to melt into the soothing warmth of his body heat as he played with her hair, flinching only a little from not being prepared for it when he slid two fingers inside her, slipping them in and out while she clung to his shirt, accidentally ripping it. 

"Oh no, I'm sorry, how did-" 

"Eh, don't worry about, this shirt was cheap and thin as hell, I stole it off someone months ago so it figures it would fall apart eventually." 

Joseph wasn't too concerned about clothes or fashion. He was clean and neat and always paid attention to his hair and fixed it up perfectly no matter where he was, but fashion had never been a thing of his. Keiko supposed it made sense, after all-being so tall and broad-shouldered, fitting into regular sized clothing would be a challenge, so there was no real reason to spend time and money trying to snatch up all the latest trends. He usually wore old straight-leg jeans, a plain shirt with no collar or buttons or frills of any sort, and whatever sort of jacket he could find that would fit him. He had found a nice leather jacket a while back, with fringed sleeves and two deep pockets in the front-he kind of looked like a cowboy when he wore it, although somehow he had never found a cowboy hat to go along with it. It suited him, she thought, her thoughts switching tracks like an old-fashioned train on a railroad with rail signs and signals and everything. 

Her drifting thoughts aside, that was how Keiko ended up in Joseph's arms, facing a smudged old mirror in the bathroom (the bathroom was a bit cooler than the other two rooms,) that looked like somebody had used Windex on it too many times without wiping properly, wearing only an old shirt that said "7-11 Free Nacho Day" while Joseph fucked her. Well, not quite-he was really just fucking her between her thighs, but close enough. The odd mechanics of the position aside, he was plenty strong enough to lift her up like she weighed no more than a feather and he was well-endowed enough that she could practically feel the stars she saw exploding with every thrust he made, leaning against him with half-lidded eyes and a hazy feeling clouding her mind like thick fog after a rainstorm, mewling and whimpering in a small, pathetic little voice, silently begging him to go faster. 

With the help of an old stool and something akin to willpower, Joseph grabbed her and held her close, sliding his cock in between her thighs at just the right angle, breathing heavily between muttering brief, random curses and other various obscenities, a thin layer of sweat soon collecting on Keiko's skin, though it was hard to tell which one of them was sweating and why, as it was at least 100 degrees farenheit outside even an hour or so after the sun set. Either way, climate change sucked, that much was a given at least.

"Fuck, you feel so good-" between labored breaths and some panting, Joseph pulled her flush against him with more force, almost yanking her right off the stool. "I could do this all day-or night, but who's paying attention?" 

It was rare for Joseph to ever approach being 100% serious, and thus Keiko learned not to expect it from him. They were like two peas in a pod, if each of the peas were in a completely different pod and also looked completely different from one another, but underneath the surface level differences, personality, and tolerance for social interaction, somehow there had still been room left over to bond, in a weird, unsettling sort of way, but the bond was there nonetheless. 

Keiko didn't have enough energy or focus left to talk, her mind fuzzy and her head spinning with arousal, more now that as time went on, she felt more and more confident that the wallet thief who had a problem with Leila was less and less likely to come back. The way Joseph managed to angle his cock so it brushed against the right spot every time had an impressive way of making her forget about the day's bullshit (and there had been a lot of it, because of course there was,) and the way Joseph held her so tight and how deep and rough his voice was when he groaned so close to her ear certainly helped. 

Her face was no doubt as red as a tomato by now-she certainly felt that way, covered in sweat, slick gathering between her thighs as the unmistakable electic buzz of arousal bloomed deep inside her, blossoming like a flower in full bloom, every thought and worry drifting through her head fading away as if they had never been there at all. Everything was so wet and warm her whole body was on fire with undeniable yearning-a deep, pulsing ache that made her want more and more, which Joseph was more than happy to deliver.

Whatever was going on outside-and there was always something, no matter where she was taking shelter for the night-was no doubt nothing more or less than a whole entire load of steaming bullshit, but none of it mattered now, Keiko finding herself equal parts unable and unwilling to focus on anything other than the feeling of Joseph's cock sliding along the length of her opening, sighing and moaning in a soft little voice, her breath shallow and panting as she waited for the inevitable outcome. Oh, if only it would hurry, she thought at first, but then, maybe it was better if it were otherwise-even without him actually being inside her this way, feeling his cock brush against her clit repeatedly at such a fast, intense pace, being held in his arms and feeling his hands digging into her, kneading her soft curves, was so perfectly fine and wonderful and amazing that part of her didn't want it to end. 

Everything had its end, though, and Keiko felt no desire to complain when Joseph's hips stuttered, bucking until he stopped-oh

Oh. 

The evidence was as clear as day, though even with sticky hot cum on the floor, Joseph didn't pause for more than a second, keeping the same harsh, intense pace as before, thrusting until she felt a cluster of stars burst behind her eyes and all her senses, along with her perception of the world itself, blend into a singular shapeless formless entity, something words could never hope to describe. With a burst of light and heat and a small, high-pitched cry, Keiko opened her eyes again and found herself staring at her sweaty, red-faced reflection in the mirror, sweating and panting while Joseph held her tight against him, so tight and so warm and so well that for a handful of heartbeats she hoped he would never let go.

Being sweaty soon won out, though, and once she had calmed down, she blinked a few times, a momentary look of surprise crossing her face when she realized Joseph had picked her up off the stool a while ago, her legs dangling in front of her as he held her. 

"Ah, fuck, that felt great." Joseph was holding her high enough to give her a kiss on the cheek, so he did just that. "Not that you're not cute all the time, but somehow you're even cuter now." 

After carrying her to the bed (or mattress, as there was no bed frame or headboard, just an old mattress on the floor,) Joseph wrapped his arms around her, embracing her in a strong grip she couldn't have escaped from even if she wanted to. "This is a pretty shitty place." Keiko was too tired to say much, resting in Joseph's arms while he spoke, but she glanced up in an attempt to face him, her attention firmly on him. "And life's been shit lately, I won't deny that. But I couldn't ask for better company to deal with it all with." 

As tired as she was, Keiko felt her heart skip a beat when Joseph kissed her head. "I'm glad I met you." 

"I'm glad I met you too." Keiko didn't remember moving, but she couldn't help but sigh in relief when Joseph gently turned her around to face him, resting her head on his broad, muscular chest underneath a blanket so thin it could only barely be described as one. Whatever life brought her way (and it sure brought it her way,) Keiko figured there were worse people she could deal with it with.


	10. Time Travel Is Possible Anytime If You're Not Paying Enough Attention

One sunny, slightly cooler than normal day in May, with a breeze of 10 mph and low humidity, Keiko hopped on to a moving vehicle that didn't smell like cat litter, dried blood, dirty bong water, or some combination thereof in over a year. It was noisy, kind of crowded, and there was a guy who smelled way too much like Axe body spray sitting several rows behind her, but then, that was to be expected on the first train someone had managed to start up again since dead people started eating people and something defying the basic laws of the universe hopped out of the Pacific Ocean to stretch its metaphorical legs (as it didn't have actual legs, at least from what terrified eyewitness accounts had claimed.) 

It was, for all intents and purposes, one of the most normal things Keiko had done in years, not counting the regular routine parts of daily life like bathing, eating, sleeping, and all the rest. Boarding the train with Leila (Joseph was off somewhere getting paid to do something mildly useful for the first time in years and thus separated from their little group to get that bread and send some of it their way when he could,) Keiko started having some of the most average, mundane thoughts she could remember having. Thoughts about things like living in a normal, safe environment, interacting with people who could speak in full sentences and didn't snort unidentifiable substances off of detached toilet seats, being able to buy food with money, and being able to work towards having a productive life. So how she ended up getting on the train with Leila and finding two available seats one moment and waking up with her head resting on Leila's shoulder the next while someone was playing a harmonica and a bunch of people were getting off the train yelling "Go Chiefs!" was, for now, a question that had no answers. 

"Huh? What happened?" 

Leila, her expression as neutral as usual, glanced over at Keiko, who blushed and pulled away as soon as she realized what she had done. "We're here." 

Huh-We just got on though-Keiko, who had fallen asleep moments after sitting down, had woken up somewhere far different than where she had started the day out in. Funny how life worked sometimes. After all the aggravating bullshit she had been though, all the months and months of searching for a semblance of normal civilization so she could do what she set out to do all those years ago, to accomplish her life's dream, a simple train ride, one that she had remained completely unaware of for its entire duration, had been what brought her from point A to point B in her journey. Only 24 more steps to go, she thought. The most inconvenient part of the journey might be over, but now the real work began.

"Already?" 

"Yeah, and not a moment too soon, these seats are terrible." 

Though Leila didn't show it on the outside, sensing Keiko's discomfort and unease had become second nature to her, the little voice in the back of her head warning her that her friend was suddenly uncomfortable. 

"Hm? What's wrong?" Leila had hardly noticed Keiko sleeping on her shoulder but turned to glance at her when the smaller girl moved away suddenly. 

"Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you." Keiko apologized, her face a little warm. Leila was by no means soft or curvy, her body as lean and angular as her face, but she gave off far more body heat than anyone would expect by looking at her. 

"Huh? Oh, I hardly noticed, nothing to worry about." Leila wordlessly grabbed Keiko's luggage to carry it for her when Keiko handed it to her, carrying it along with her own luggage without complaint as they both made their way off the train. 

The train station-though not as fully decked out as a normal train station- was loud, louder than Keiko remembered anything involving people sounding after the world ended, with tons of people milling around, some hurrying in one direction or another, a few yelling either to themselves or other people and an oddly hunched over figure dragging a slice of pizza up a set of stairs by his mouth while a man walking down the stairs stopped to hop over the railing, landing on the platform and walking off as if nothing unusual had happened. 

A shout distracted Keiko from the unusual sight, and before she could react, she found herself scooped up in Joseph's arms along with Leila, who unlike Keiko showed no sign of being flustered. 

"You." Joseph planted a kiss on Keiko's cheek, causing Keiko to blush. "And you." Joseph then planted a kiss on Leila's cheek, which didn't cause Leila to do anything. "My two favorite girls-I missed you two so much, you have no idea." 

"I'm sure I could guess." Leila offered, shrugging when Joseph put them both down, Keiko hurriedly trying to smooth out her skirt. 

"Well, anyways, I have money now, and we can actually have our own house here-or an apartment, but whatever. I actually got paid on time for helping some old guy guard his house or whatever while he was gone on a business trip and now I can walk into public buildings without being yelled at-I'm still getting used to it, actually." 

"Please tell me you didn't spend the rest of it on stupid shit." Leila's expression changed from a calm, neutral portrayal of stoicism to barely disguised confusion and dismay when she got a look at his shoes. 

Pointed Mexican cowboy boots with an iridescent teal snakeskin pattern and shiny silver buckles were hardly the weirdest thing Joseph had been known to wear, but the boots were so shiny they almost hurt to look at. 

"Don't worry, I'm not technically done with the job yet, the old guy's coming back tomorrow so I'll get the rest of the money then. I actually got paid every damn day, how cool is that?" 

"For us, pretty cool, I'll admit." Leila acknowledged, Keiko still unsure about how she felt about the shoes, mostly because looking at them for too long hurt her eyes. "Anyways, we should probably make our way out of the train station." she continued when the hunched over figure dragging the slice of pizza up the stairs got pepper-sprayed by a concerned pizza chef selling pizza from a vendor cart. 

"Uh, yeah, I agree." Keiko added. 

_____

Sitting in some old man's living room with a pull-out sofa bed and no TV, movies, music, or internet wasn't Keiko's ideal way to pass the time but it sure beat all the rest of the places she had stayed at during the apocalypse. There was electricity, heating and air conditioning, a kitchen with food, and plumbing, which made it a hell of a lot better than everywhere else she had stayed the last however long it had been. Time was beginning to morph into a flat circle, and the more time Keiko spent wandering around the wilderness after the end of the world, the more she realized she needed to get out of there before she lost her sense of purpose to the ever-flattening circle of time. 

But that was depressing shit, and now wasn't the time to dwell on it, she reminded herself as she sat with her legs bent in front of her on a pull-out sofa bed, writing in her journal. If she was going to reveal her innermost thoughts, they would be stored away somewhere only she knew about, or so she hoped. 

"Hey, what're you writing about?" 

Keiko flinched when Joseph scooted next to her, peeking over her shoulder-that part wasn't so concerning to her because she knew he could hardly read, but she still felt butterflies in her stomach whenever he got close to her. "Uh, nothing important, just about my day, haha-" 

"Aw-" he paused a moment, as if remember that he couldn't read, "So nothing about me, then?" the fake pout on his face was nonthreatening but Keiko's heart skipped a beat regardless when he gave her a hug. "Well, I don't know about you, but as long as we're here, we might as well take advantage of it. It's no mansion but this is the most comfortable bed I've slept in for months." 

"Seems it's safe to assume what's been on your mind since we were last together." Leila commented, filing her nails with an old nail file she picked up somewhere. Leila had no real reason to, but she lied down on the bed next to them, looking up as she held her hand above her head, squinting a little as she rounded off the rough edges on one of her fingernails. 

"Hey, it's been a while, that's all I'm saying." 

"You're very good at one thing specifically, you know that?" Leila added.

"Really? And what might that be?" Joseph hugged Keiko, who had managed to place her notebook on the coffee table that had been pushed to the side of the room to make room for pulling out the pull-out bed, tighter as he turned his gaze from her to Leila. 

"Being yourself. You know what that does to Keiko, but you do it anyways." 

Keiko was easily embarrassed and had a hard time hiding it, but Joseph made that all the more obvious being as physically affectionate and touchy-feely as he was. And horny, but Keiko wasn't ready to cross that bridge yet. Sure, he was down to smash just about whenever, but Keiko couldn't help but worry that she might find a way to repulse him anyways and ruin their relationship-whatever the hell that was-so horribly she'd never be able to live it down. 

"Well, of course, she's so cute and doesn't even realize it." Joseph seated Keiko on his lap, turning so they were both facing Leila. "Don't you agree?" 

"It's a very subjective thing, but in a purely subjective way, I would have to say yes." Leila put her nail file down, noting how totally and completely different her two closest friends were from each other. "But you don't have to send her blood pressure through the roof to let her know." 

Leila scooted closer, pulling Keiko out of Joseph's lap before Keiko could so much as make a sound. "So let's discuss this like adults. Not that we always act like it, but hopefully you get my point." 

Keiko said nothing as Leila rested her hands on her shoulders, Keiko looking at Joseph because he happened to be right in front of her. "Well, I think my blood pressure's gonna shoot up either way-" Keiko gulped when she felt Leila squeeze her shoulders, not paying attention to her. 

"So since our friend Keiko here gets easily flustered and since, as usual, this was your idea, you're going to use simple, easy to understand words to ask her what you'd like to do and keep your hands to yourself until she decides how to respond." 

Leila was as serious as they came, with a level of stoicism that made her seem more suited for living some time in the far distant past than the present day but Keiko knew her well enough to detect the slight hint of humor that indicated she knew Joseph meant no harm. 

"Man, you're no fun, but fine-" he then looked at Keiko. "Do you wanna fuck-" 

"Wrong." 

"Huh?" 

Leila kept her gaze directly on him, glaring at him like he was a student that gave the wrong answer in class. "Look what you did." she gestured to Keiko, whose face was beet red. "You know she's the sensitive type, word it more gently." 

Uh-Joseph swallowed, clearing his throat. "Okay. You want to test out the mattress?" 

"I-" Oh. What kind of-Keiko already felt like a bar of soap neglected in a boiling hot shower but somehow Joseph managed to make it even worse. 

Leila's disapproving look shot daggers into him while Keiko blushed even harder, her heart pounding a mile a minute. "Too corny. Try again." 

Fine-As much as Keiko felt like she should say something, she could hardly bring herself to open her mouth and her chest felt like a rock but she did her best to stay still and not let her embarrassment get the best of her. "Alright, if you say so." Joseph turned to Keiko one last time. "Do you want to sleep together tonight?" 

There you go-Reining in Joseph's over the top flirting habits was a hell of a job, but Leila managed to have enough success to help smooth out some of the bumps in his budding relationship with her other closest friend and that was enough for her. "Don't worry about me, I could take it or leave it, just let him know what you think." Leila told Keiko when Keiko looked up at her for a brief second. 

Fine. Here we go. Keiko swallowed hard, her heart still pounding. Accepting and embracing her own desires after a lifetime of a combination of ignoring and suppressing them was a hell of a challenge, but progress was progress and she wasn't about to give up now. "Yeah, I don't mind."

Keiko had a moment of silence inside her conscious mind before Joseph scooped her up in her arms, leaving kisses all over every inch of her skin that wasn't covered by her blouse, skirt, or socks, pushing her down on the bed while Leila looked on, leaning on her elbow as she reclined next to them. "Hmm, where to begin?" 

Keiko always found it hard to think when Joseph made eye contact with her while being so close, but somehow she had never gotten used to it. 

"It's not like you to be so indecisive." Leila commented, content to watch as she sometimes did. Keiko never considered herself to be an exhibitionist, but somehow with Leila it wasn't as awkward as she expected and as Leila had never had a high sex drive herself, it was far from rare for her to be content watching them together, with or without touching herself. 

"Well, it's been a while." Joseph shot back. 

"Yes, and you have two hands, don't you?" 

Keiko had learned long ago not to expect much in the way of normal conversation between Joseph and Leila, but then, Keiko was no expert in the concept of normal herself. It was only fitting, then, that she end up with two friends who were just as weird as she was. 

"Ahh, how can you say that?" Joseph continued kissing Keiko all over, sliding a hand up her skirt and another under her shirt while he went at it. "You've never hooked up with anyone." 

"Correct." Aside from a boyfriend she had a while back, who passed away several years ago, outside of occasionally getting involved with Joseph and Keiko, Leila was not the type who sought out sex for her own physical pleasure. Unlike Joseph, her oldest friend, who provided her with her longest-lasting friendship with a peer around her own age, Leila was as particular and discriminating as they came as far as sex was concerned-if no one around met her exacting standards, Leila preferred to go without rather than seek out someone else's company simply to satisfy her own physical urges. Most often, no one did, and Leila did not mind. 

"Ah, you're so sweet, I could devour you a hundred times over and still want more." 

Leila calmly took a sip of water while Joseph kissed Keiko, who was now naked after he ripped off her clothes (along with his own,) all the way down her stomach, kissing lower and lower until he pressed his nose against the small patch of hair between her legs, Keiko gasping in surprise and delight when he licked right across her opening. Classic Joseph, she thought to herself-of everything there was to know about Joseph, she knew about 99% of it, give or take a half a percentage point or so. Leila knew enough how to use her mouth to pleasure both men and women, but she was too lazy to bother getting any better than satisfactory at it. Besides, she thought, having slipped off her dress a few moments ago, using her hand was so much easier and took far less time than rolling around with someone else and getting all covered in someone else's sweat. Easy, hygienic, and quiet-that was how Leila preferred it, and using her hand was all she needed to make that happen. 

Keiko was no stranger to well, strange things, but the way she felt when Joseph looked in her eyes as he held her down by one wrist and gently spread her legs apart with his free hand still made her heart flutter every time and she couldn't explain why. She wasn't nervous, exactly, not anymore, after all the time they had been together, but it helped when Leila squeezed her hand, letting go just a moment before Joseph lined up his cock and guided it inside her, inhaling sharply at how wet and tight she felt around him. 

"You feeling okay?" 

"Y-yes. I'm fine." Keiko reassured Leila, who was lying next to her as Joseph began moving his hips, though Keiko couldn't help but squeeze her eyes shut for a moment as she felt his cock scrape her walls-it burned a little, and the stretch was always a bit difficult to handle at first but a few rounds of deep breathing got her through it, Keiko sighing in relief as the pain morphed into pleasure, her body slowly but surely adjusting. 

"Damn, you feel so good-" Joseph paused, as if trying to think of something on the tip of his tongue that refused to make the final leap into becoming a fully formed thought. "Not that you don't always but the more absent you are-no, wait-" Joseph paused, trying to steady his breathing through halting words. "Like absent in a-no, that's not it-hey, Leila?" 

"Yes?" 

Joseph, his face scrunched up in a combination of pleasure and confusion, finally experienced a spark inside his consciousness just potent enough to help jog his memory. "What's that phrase about absence and your heart?" 

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Leila offered, rubbing her clit with moderate effort-no point in finishing too soon before her friends or else she'd have to think of some other way to kill time until they were done. 

"Ah!" Joseph turned his attention back to Keiko, still fucking her at the same pace like it was nothing, because to him, it was as effortless as breathing. "It's not often I say this, but I was wrong about how cute you are." though he was already struggling to get in a complete sentence, by God, he was gonna try anyways. "You're even cuter than I thought." 

Useless, the both of them, Leila thought as Keiko somehow blushed even harder, stammering some half-gibberish apology when Joseph paused a moment, sliding out of her to slap her clit with cock and Joseph told her he just felt like teasing her all of a sudden. Without her, the two of them would be slaves to the sheer amount of dense obliviousness they both had about their feelings for each other, one of them being too shy to admit her true feelings and the other not realizing he was actually, perish the thought, in love with someone for the first time in his life. Nothing a little communication wouldn't fix, but first, she would have to help them learn how to engage in it. 

"Does this feel alright?" Leila, who was still touching herself with one hand, asked Keiko while she rubbed the other girl's clit with her free hand. 

"Yeah-I mean, yes, it's-that's good." Keiko realized that in all their time together, when the three of them were together, Joseph always fucked her and not Leila and Leila never complained. Keiko could tell they had feelings for each other, and knew they had known each other a much longer time than she had known either of them, and though Joseph often spent the night with her alone, Keiko had yet to discover if he ever did the same thing with Leila after they had all met each other. She knew Leila had less interest in sex than most people, but that didn't stop her from having romantic feelings just as intense as anyone else did and if indeed Leila had those feelings for anyone, it would be Joseph more than anyone else. "I-" No, maybe I shouldn't say it. Why risk making things awkward? 

"What is it?" Leila asked. 

"Well-I-I mean-" Keiko had to pause to catch her breath multiple times, but managed to inquire about it regardless. "Do you-do you feel-or-do you wish-maybe-you were the one in my position sometimes-you know, because it's not fair if-" 

Ah, she was really innocent after all. No surprise, really. "Are you asking if I'm jealous?" 

"Well-" Oh, here it comes- 

"Not at all. I wasn't born that way."Leila reassured her. "You can't change your feelings, none of us can. All you can do is decide how to live with them." 

Unsure how to reply, and not just because she was becoming increasingly distracted as she got closer to her climax, Keiko let it go, Leila deciding to do the same as she was quickly approaching her own climax as well. Leila denied nothing about her true nature and never fabricated false stories or exaggerated reality, but the whole truth was something that would have to wait.

The light that flashed behind Keiko's eyes when her climax washed over her like a tsunami was brighter than anything she remembered seeing and disappeared as quickly as it came, though the bliss she felt enveloped her whole body for a handful of moments, moments so pleasant and perfect that she wished they would never end. 

Lying on the right side of the bed, with Joseph in the middle and Leila to his left, Keiko's hand brushed against Leila as they both rested their head in the crook of Joseph's neck on either side, all three of them staring at the ceiling as heavy, bone-deep exhaustion settled over them, covering them much more than the cheap blanket on the bed ever could. And yet, despite her tired eyes and heavy eyelids, Keiko couldn't have felt more alive, as if she finally spotted a long-lost treasure she had been searching for without even knowing it. What a world it was, and what a world it could be, Keiko thought-if only she could have seen it sooner. Not the land itself, though some of it was still beautiful and unspoiled by pollution and environmental degradation, or the places she had seen (most of them had sucked,) but rather, what she found in it-or who, rather-was what made all the difference. She realized that now, and she would make sure she would never forget it, she promised herself, lying back and accepting it without resistance as sleep took her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part about the person dragging a slice of pizza up the stairs in the train station was loosely based off of this story: https://in.mashable.com/culture/18346/video-of-man-dressed-as-pizza-rat-on-the-nyc-subway-goes-viral-new-yorkers-arent-surprised


	11. No Matter How Busy You Are, Don't Forget To Check Your Brain At The Door

Ah, home. Well, it wasn't much. But it was a house, and it was livable, and not infested with any kind of animals, vegetables, or minerals that didn't belong in a house (or tweakers who carried hatchets and painted themselves up to look like psychopathic clowns, but never-mind all that.) And there Keiko was, home at last after a long, hard day. 

"Oh, welcome home!" Joseph greeted her with enthusiasm, his face beaming as he plopped something very large and very dead on the main table in her home lab. "Good timing, too, I just brought home dinner!" 

Whatever it was that Joseph had hunted and brought back home had to have weighed at least half a ton, but little things like that were of no concern to him. Keiko couldn't help but feel her stomach flip when Joseph plopped it down though-until feeling around in her pocket and finding it in there, Keiko, having initially thought that she forgot a sample for her research and left it at home, mistakenly assumed Joseph squashed it under whatever it was that he had just killed. 

Her heart, as was a common experience for someone as neurotic and anxiety-ridden as herself, was more scrambled than a bunch of eggs in an omelette when Joseph picked up a large cleaver to begin butchering the animal-which, despite her vast scientific knowledge, she could not identify. 

"Uh, wait-" 

"Huh?" Joseph, who had no idea what was going on, wore a confused look on his face until Keiko reached around in her pocket, sighing with relief when she realized the sample she had been working on had been in there all along and not on the table. 

"Ah, I'm sorry, never-mind! I thought I left something I needed on there, but it was in my pocket!" 

"Oh, okay." Joseph shrugged, turning back to the large animal lying on her research table. "Alright, Jimmy, we talked about this earlier. You know, the circle of life and all that." He said, bringing the cleaver down to do some slicing/dicing/skinning/whatever-Keiko was not familiar with the correct process of butchering animals, as it was something she had never developed the stomach for, and besides, Joseph was better at it anyways. Before Keiko could turn to leave, Joseph directed one last comment to her. "Well, why don't you sit down and relax, I'll make dinner! And I'll clean up later too, don't worry." 

Joseph was far too enthusiastic for someone who was shirtless, covered in blood and guts, and depended almost entirely on his pseudo-sort-of-kind-of girlfriend to tell him what to do to avoid making any social mistakes that would ruin their chance at living in the first real slice of actual modern civilization they had encountered in years. At least he listened to what she told him, and unlike her mother, he didn't beat her. 

"Uh, well, I appreciate the offer, I'm going to take a shower first." 

Keiko swallowed the lump in her throat, heading to the room they had managed to squeeze a mattress and a dresser in to grab the clothes she wanted to change into before turning down the hall to reach the bathroom. 

_______

As a general rule, Keiko only had one real preference as far as food was concerned. As long as it was healthy, she was willing to try anything. Now, though, she had to wonder whether that might be a mistake. 

"What's wrong?" Joseph, who had just shoveled a mound of rice that looked far too big to fit on a pair of chopsticks in his mouth, asked her. 

"Well, I wanted to ask you something, but I never got the chance." 

"Like what?" 

Well, here we go-"So, uh-what species was-uh, whatever it is we're eating right now?" 

Joseph cocked his head, almost the same way Ferdinand, her old dog, did when she asked him if he wanted to play fetch or go for a walk. "Oh, that's all? It's just one of those massive pigs that wander around the edge of town sometimes. Found the little bastard eating somebody's turnips, actually, so that's probably how he got all good and fattened up before I killed him." 

Keiko allowed herself to blink once before responding, not entirely sure how to respond. As it turned out, it was a moot point, as before she could open her mouth, someone kicked their front door down, knocking it to the floor. 

Unaware of anything except the fact that a burglar had broken into their home and the level of cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine surging through her bloodstream, Keiko, unable to determine whatever was going through her conscious mind, did the only thing that came to mind once she saw the burglar standing in front of them. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" 

Ugh, what the hell-the burglar, a man in dirty jeans, old boots, a basketball jersey, and a black balaclava hat, cursed to himself mentally when he heard a burglar alarm go off the moment he broke into the house he had intended to rob. Nobody had house alarms since before the apocalypse, so how was this happening? He looked around, startled, until he found the source of the noise-not an alarm, but a person. A very small, frightened person. How fortunate. An easy target. Unfortunately, the large, hulking beast of a man sitting on the other end of the table across from the tiny little human imitating an alarm system, did not seem even a tiny bit as flustered as his companion. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" 

Joseph observed the man he had just turned into a human projectile go flying into an abandoned shed full of Insane Clown Posse albums, a broken microwave that was rumored to be cursed, and empty Tic-Tac containers, knocking back a swig of home-made Mezcal (hey, he got bored when Keiko wasn't around,) as he watched the would-be burglar meet a very unpleasant end to his day after rudely interrupting his dinner with one of his favorite people. "Enjoy your dirt nap, motherfucker." Joseph then threw the now-empty bottle he was holding out the window too, throwing it with enough force to land right in the hole where the burglar had crashed through. He then looked around, noting that he had some work to do. "Ah, well, better fix the door so Keiko doesn't worry anymore than she already does."

_____

A few hours later, Keiko was clean, fed, and comfortably awash in the sensation that developed in that one little corner of her brain whenever she had a productive day. Notwithstanding the momentary spike of anxiety she had when a burglar interrupted her dinner a while ago, Keiko was, shockingly enough, close to feeling emotionally stable. A rare and curious thing indeed. She was also a little warm, but that was to be expected with Joseph holding her as tightly as he was. He was like a furnace, but larger, more colorful, and a hell of a lot louder. 

"It's nice and cozy in here." she remarked. It had started sprinkling a little outside after Joseph physically removed the intruder than interrupted their dinner, but the house they had been placed in by a small but determined government agency was surprisingly comfortable, comfortable enough that Keiko was almost as focused on the couch she was lying on as she was about the fact that Joseph was holding her from behind while she was lying on it until he grabbed one of her breasts over her dress. She was pretty tired, but not surprised in the slightest-as hospitable as the city they had found themselves in was, there wasn't enough steady work for everyone, and some days, all Joseph could do was try to stay out of trouble. Being unable to read more than few words and having the math skills of a second-grader left Joseph with precious few opportunities for anything approaching sustainable employment and Keiko was lucky if she got away with working 60 hours a week, so she couldn't begrudge Joseph for hanging around and taking care of whatever needed to be taken care of in their house most days. "Something tells me you don't really care about that right now though." 

"Well, not exactly-" Keiko felt her heart skip a beat when he squeezed a little. Even through her dress she could feel how rough his hands were, the sensation sending a chill up her spine. "I just figured now's a good a time as any to enjoy it, you know. You're always gone so much now." 

Keiko sighed-it was a lot of work, but Keiko could see the beginning of a way out of this-out of all the mess that caused the world to end the way it had years ago, and this was her chance to prove to herself once and for all that all her studying and hard work would pay off. Keiko was still quite new to making friends, and despite ending up with some very nice colleagues in her new role, she felt a twinge of sadness tug at her sometimes, one that wouldn't leave until it was ready to, no matter what she tried to do to distract herself mentally. While in a way, it was nice to make new friends, even for someone with her asocial tendencies, she knew there was no way she could ever introduce Joseph to any of them or vice versa. Though she was closer now to achieving her goal than before, she wondered, what would the cost be? Joseph always put on a happy face, but she knew living in a place like this was no less awkward and uncomfortable for him than his past life in the New Republic of America had been before the world ended. By all appearances, he managed to occupy his time while she was gone, and sometimes he was tasked with helping out with repairing damage in the perimeter wall of the city or helping other people with odd jobs like moving fallen trees out of the way or clearing debris after a storm, but something in his eyes told her that this sort of life was taking a toll on him. 

And why not, after all? He grew up hundreds of miles south of any known national territory, in a warm climate where snow never touched the ground and the wind never bit at one's skin, and beyond that, he had never lived in a house-not a real house, anyways, with only a single other person for company, and where he grew up, there was no need for money or an ID card or filing taxes or neighborhood task groups or jury duty or anything else that was in this city, or any other modern city, for that matter. He had people who cared about him and people he cared about and whatever nature sought fit to give them and that had been enough for him, right up until it was all taken away. Keiko could not bring back his home or his loved ones, but she could be there for him, at least. Or at least, she could try. She only hoped her efforts would help. 

Keiko's gloomy thoughts were immediately interrupted when Joseph kissed her neck, causing her face to flush and making her squeak in surprise when he turned her around to climb on top of her, this time groping her a little when he grabbed her breast again. "Hey, hey, why the long face?" Nobody would ever accuse Joseph of having high emotional intelligence, but somehow he always seemed to guess when she was upset. He kissed her again, closing his eyes for a moment while he took in the crisp, clean scent of her skin (thanks to whatever soap she had used earlier.) "You don't have to worry right now, we're safe here." Moving his hand behind her head to cup the back of her head, he settled down so he could hold her nice and close. "Plus you're too cute to be so sad all the time." 

Keiko's eyes widened a little-sad, huh? How did he know? Was it that obvious? 

She sighed, wrapping her arms around him when he bent down to kiss her neck again. "I guess I can't help it-it's just the way I am." Was there room for anything else? In truth, she didn't know. Maybe there had never been room for anything else. She didn't remember. In spite of it all, she admitted she was much less sad this way, being held so close in his strong arms. Keiko never really wanted much. She was just trying to keep the world from falling apart-she just wanted things to be normal, but if she could make them better, than that was an added bonus. 

"It doesn't have to be, though. If you finish your job here and we all figure out how to solve this crazy mess we all got in, we can travel the world and do all sorts of fun stuff." It was hard to disagree with him when he sounded so enthusiastic. Joseph, of course, was a simple person who enjoyed the little things in life more than Keiko. That much was obvious when he slid his hand up her soft pink sweater dress with a classic turtleneck design. "For now, though, I know exactly what I want to do." 

"I figured as much." Since her dress was a bit clingy, Keiko grabbed his hand-it would be much easier to slide out of her dress sitting up. "Let me get up a moment first, though." 

Once Keiko slid off her dress, she let Joseph push her back down on the couch, leaving kisses all over her delicate porcelain skin-some softer than others. Joseph wasn't really the soft and elegant kind, though, and though he could be intimidating at times, she had grown fond of him regardless. In his own way, (his own very bizarre, perplexing way,) he was like an oversized teddy bear, to her, at least, if not anybody else. She never imagined spending the rest of her life with anyone like him before, but life was always full of surprises, and that, she supposed as he kissed her up and down her legs, lips ghosting over and pressing against what felt like every possible exposed inch of skin, wasn't such a bad thing after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are the 3 main stress hormones flooding Keiko's brain: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/adrenaline-cortisol-stress-hormones_n_3112800
> 
> Useful note # 2: What is Mezcal: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mezcal


	12. Not All Roads Lead to Rome, But Some Lead To An Abandoned Costco Which Is Almost The Same Thing Really

There were a lot of roads in America, some more well-maintained than others, but at the end of the day, none of them proved to be of any help at all. Leila, a young woman with the personality of a grumpy old man but weirder, scanned her surroundings. The sun was setting, and the supply run she went on with Joseph turned out to be a poor decision. The screams of a handful of people being devoured by shambling corpses were still ringing in her ears, even as she and Joseph fled the scene of the supply run gone wrong. 

Not only had the abandoned Costco already been stripped clean, it was chock-full of zombies, and lots of them, and the small group of people who happened to be heading along the highway right by the building walked right into the death trap before Leila or Joseph could warn them to stay away. 

"It's cold out." 

"You always say that." Leila admonished Joseph as the two of them escaped into the forest on the other side of the highway, stepping over hundreds of dead bodies in the parking lot to get back on the empty road. Not only had their supply run (that they had been sent on by the leader of the most recent camp they stumbled on) failed, there was no way to get back to camp before nightfall. Keiko, who was too valuable (and too fragile and lacking in stamina,) to send on supply runs, would no doubt be worried sick about them, but there was nothing to be done. 

"Why did Costco have to fail us? Right now we could be back at camp and I could be nice and warm under a blanket with Keiko, or both of you,-I wouldn't complain either way-" Joseph cut himself off, too distracted by his own nonsense thoughts before plopping down right where he was and sitting against a tree with more dramatic emphasis than was strictly necessary. hugging it as if doing so would soothe his own internal angst. 

"Things like this happen sometimes. It's unrealistic to expect every place we're sent to check out to have what we need." Leila's voice remained neutral and unemotional as she replied, unmoved by her companion's emotional distress. "There's nothing to be done except find somewhere to stay the night and head back to camp in the morning." 

At least 50 miles out from camp, and with no other known survivors around, it was quiet, and not in a peaceful sense. Death was present everywhere in this area, the stench of it was oppressive and overpowering, demanding that they leave. The herd of zombies had moved one after devouring their prey, and the path back was too dangerous, so it was best to stay in the forest. So disregarding their disappointment, Leila and Joseph made their way deep into the forest, where the trees were dense enough to hide them from all unwanted company. 

"Well, I've done worse." Joseph remarked after he finished constructing a hastily-built lean-to while Leila put together a crudely-made fence with large, pointed spikes from sticks and other parts of old trees facing outwards to keep anything from getting in. "It's gonna be a cold night though."

After observing her own handiwork and finding it to her satisfaction, Leila shrugged, making her way inside with Joseph. With only the smallest of fires in the middle of the lean-to for warmth and light, they both curled up under a blanket, trying not to think too hard about whether or not the camp they had been staying in would still be functional by tomorrow morning and whether or not Keiko would be okay. 

"I'm bored." Joseph was a bit harder to read around other people, but when it was just the two of them, Joseph didn't bother to hide anything. "Plus it's cold, you wanna warm up together?" Leila didn't react when Joseph pulled her close-she knew what he wanted, even if she hadn't felt his boner press against her thigh. She knew him about as well as he knew himself, no small feat considering his peculiar personality. 

"Well, being stuck in the middle of the forest on a cold night can be rather boring." 

Joseph frowned, wearing a not-entirely-serious pout on his face before pulling her in his lap and grabbing her ass. Leila had more assets below the waist than above, and Joseph appreciated many different body types, including hers. "Well, at least I'm stuck with somebody with a great ass." 

"Ah, yes, because that's clearly the most important thing." 

"It's true though." 

Leila was not what anyone would call receptive to flirting, but Joseph made it obvious and she knew since the day she met him that he had it bad for her. To his credit, she couldn't help but find him interesting-men in the place called America bored her out of her skull and he had never wasted her time trying to court her or declare his undying love for her, and he could fight better than anyone save her own father. Besides, he was nothing if not inexplicably weird, and she found that better than the alternative. 

"Well, I suppose I'll have to take your word for it. You always tell the truth when you're horny, after all." 

Joseph's expression morphed into a mischievous, catlike grin. "So, what do you think?" Leila said nothing as he continued groping her ass. "It's not like we're busy, after all." 

"Fine, then. If we're going to be stuck here, we might as well try to forget it." 

Joseph pulled her closer for a kiss, holding the back of her head with one hand while the other was still groping her ass. Of all the women in the world, none of them had an ass quite like hers-combined with her small tits (barely an A-cup, not that he was measuring,) flat stomach, toned arms, and thick, well-muscled thighs, Leila was nothing less than a perfect image of beauty, in many ways an ideal woman if there ever was one. Joseph could never pick just one, of course, but if he had to, she would be right up there with Keiko as a possible choice. 

"Come on, really? You were just complaining about it being cold out." Leila said when Joseph pulled up her shirt, his eyes fixed on her small but perky breasts after pinching one of her nipples. 

"Hey, no need to be impatient, just enjoying the view before I do this." Joseph replied, giving her nipple one last pull before bending down to suck on it. 

With her hands clutching onto his hair, just as long and straight and thick as her own, Leila sucked in a sharp breath, cursing and muttering to herself while Joseph glided his tongue over the sensitive nub, humming to himself before sucking on it. Leila was not the most demanding type, but for some reason it bothered her to do things unevenly, so she soon grew impatient, hoping he would switch over to sucking on the other one soon. "Damn, you've really been waiting a while for this, haven't you?" she breathed after Joseph let go, noticing the sizeable bugle in his pants. 

"Well, isn't it obvious?" 

Classic Joseph. Leila had gotten used to it a long time ago, but that didn't stop them from exchanging occasional snarky barbs, especially when there was precious little else to do. Joseph didn't bother to wait for a response before sucking on her other nipple-finally-Leila thought, the familiar mixture of her odd compulsive tendencies and arousal both being satisfied at the same time. Whatever else Joseph was, he was good with his tongue. Very good, she acknowledged, especially when he let go, lying down on an old blanket and telling Leila to lie on top of him with her legs on either side of his head. 

It wasn't anything new for her, to suck him off while he ate her out, especially considering most other women weren't tall enough to do this with him, but she appreciated how he used his tongue all the same-more so than when he said something stupid, especially. It was really too cold not to be wearing pants, so she was glad he got right to it as soon as she lied down-he had just pulled his own pants down far enough for her to suck his dick and they had both kept their shirts on. Though Leila was not the tallest among her own people, she was glad to be as tall as she was (well, that, and she never had difficulty seeing in crowds either.) 

He was quite eager, as usual, and this time not particularly fixed on taking his time-she didn't mind. It was cold out, after all, and as lovely as his tongue felt, she was glad to have been wearing pants, thick wool socks, and hiking boots before they got down to business. Sometimes during the cold, her mind wandered to unpleasant places, memories of the time she spent fleeing from one unpleasant place to another with her father to hide from the people who were out to kill them filling her mind. Cold, dark nights spent huddling in some corner of some barely-habitable shelter were a dime a dozen to her, with nothing but the birds and the wind to listen to and no one but her father to keep her company. Huddling under a blanket with her father wasn't bad, but huddling under a blanket with Joseph certainly led to more interesting outcomes. Gripping his thighs and focusing as well as she could on breathing through her nose, Leila felt heat throbbing in her core and her toes curling as Joseph kept his face buried in her pussy like a starving man, his hands digging into the back of her thighs, all thoughts of breathing normally utterly and completely overshadowed by the taste of her tight wet pussy and the way she was sucking his cock.

With the tell-tale flash of bright white light behind her eyes and a feeling of total and complete relief flooding through every inch of her body, Leila realized she had come first when a few moments after returning to her senses, she tasted a familiar hot, salty taste on her tongue, swallowing some of it and spitting out the rest-he must have really been pent up. The taste and other physical characteristics of cum itself were neither arousing nor disgusting to her, but the way he moaned when he came and the way his cock twitched after never failed to capture her attention and heighten her state of arousal. 

After wiping up as quickly as possible, Leila rested her head on Joseph's chest, right near the crook of his neck, both of them breathing hard after Joseph pulled the old blanket over them and rested his own head on top of a large, thick scarf folded over several times. 

"9 out of 10-" 

"Huh?" 

"No, wait-" Joseph was never good with numbers, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try if he felt motivated. "No, 9 and a half." 

"What's 9 and a half out of 10?" Leila sighed, snuggling in closer. Leila and cuddly were two words people would seldom use in the same sentence, but just because she was picky about who she was cuddly with didn't mean she didn't enjoy it. 

"Warming up together. The floor is kind of uncomfortable, but that's what you get in a lean-to. Otherwise I have no complaints." 

"I like you too, you big blockhead." 

"I know, and that's why I enjoy your company." 

Knowing the importance of getting a good night's sleep, especially when tomorrow would certainly hold some interesting events, Leila closed her eyes after Joseph kissed her forehead, holding onto Joseph with a firm grip. Tomorrow would not doubt be a clusterfuck of epic proportions at the very least, but facing it now didn't seem like such an awful affair, a little gift that was as precious as anything she could hope for in a world teeming with chaos.


	13. Closets Are Not the Weirdest Places You Can Be Trapped

The wind was howling outside, drowning out the pack of rabid wolves, the rain was pouring, and the near future held nothing promising for Keiko to look forward to. That was why, despite it lacking anything to recommend it as a quality shelter, Keiko was squeezed on a beat-up old mattress inside a studio apartment in what used to be a bad part of town with Leila and Joseph, who both took up far more room on the worn-out old thing than she could ever dream of. That was just how it was having friends who were a foot taller than her and almost two feet taller than her respectively. Truth be told, every part of town outside of the gated community in the center was a bad part of town, but Keiko didn't have the heart to tell her friends that. At any rate, the two of them were weirdly cool with curling up on an old mattress in an apartment where people on welfare normally lived. Most of them were probably wandering around eating other people now or being hunted down by mercenaries or being forced into non-consensual employment (or worse) now, but that was neither here nor there. The so-called middle-class was in the same situation as they were, no doubt, as it turned out the apocalypse was nigh-impossible to escape until you had a private bunker to hide out in or could afford to snag a ticket to Mars back in the beginning when the population began to take a sharp descent right into the proverbial toilet and the news coming out of the Bay Area and So-Cal in general got a whole lot weirder than usual, which was really saying something.

"Not that I don't hate this weather, but thank the Gods it's not snowing." Leila kept her mouth shut while Keiko anxiously awaited Joseph to finish his sentence (despite years of therapy and medications, Keiko did everything like that,) while Joseph held them both tighter. "You would not believe how your balls stick to your legs when it snows for days on end and the sun goes missing in action." 

"Thanks, I didn't ask." Leila had no problem parrying Joseph's unhinged little quips, but Keiko just felt her face turn red like it always did every time somebody mentioned anything too uncomfortably close to sex. She was by no means as repressed as most of the politicians who ran the miserable city she used to call home but a lifetime of being shouted down for doing anything besides shutting up and staying out of the way took its toll on her in more ways than one. "Besides, it doesn't seem like your dick is having any problems working, considering how your boner is rubbing right against my ass." 

Oh dear-Keiko was already quite warm under a large, soft blanket with Joseph holding her right against him close enough to hear his heartbeat, and what he said only turned up the heat. 

"You can feel more than that if you want." 

Keiko got flustered at the drop of hat, but neither of her friends were anything like her and they didn't bother to hide it. Despite her face rapidly heating up like an oven that worked too well, Keiko was used to this by now. It didn't help her not have a little internal freak-out when Joseph pulled her on top of him, rubbing her back a little. 

"I could, but it seems you've already got your hands full." 

In hindsight, it should have been obvious but somehow, whenever she was with them, Keiko always found herself surprised by whatever new and bizarre turn of events happened, such as Joseph setting her on top of Leila and crawling on top of both of them, Keiko feeling as ill-equipped as ever to drum up something witty to say the way Leila managed to. 

Huffing in a tone that suggested more boredom than what she was actually feeling, Leila threw Joseph a knowing glance, giving little, if anything, away about whatever her true emotions were. Leila and Joseph had known each other far longer than Keiko had known either of them, and though she wasn't in the know about all the details of their relationship, she could tell they were close enough to communicate what was really important without wasting time with words. "Or, if you'd prefer, you can hold her yourself. Besides, you two make quite a view." 

Leila frowned at him, but Keiko could tell she was a bit flustered anyways. Heavens know she was, trapped between both of them the way she was. Leila held her more gently than Joseph did, but being pressed against the other girl like she was, her head right against her flat chest and held securely inside her strong, muscular arms, Keiko's heart was beating every bit as fast as it was when Joseph held her. "You say that about everything with a pair of tits and a nice ass." 

Joseph made no move to back away, flashing them a grin. "Yeah, but it's still true. If you want, I could take you both at the same time." 

"Should I ask?" Keiko didn't mean to say anything, not really, but Leila answered her anyways. 

"I mean, you can, but I wouldn't bother." Leila then turned her attention back to Joseph, who had them both pinned under him. "You know, I don't understand you. You don't have a romantic bone in your body but somehow you fell head over heels for Keiko and haven't scared her off yet. How does something like that happen?" 

Wit was a very subjective sort of thing, but Joseph, being the kind of person he was, sometimes thought he was funny, regardless of what anyone else had to say about it. "Well, I don't know about romance, it's true, but I've got another kind of bone-" 

Keiko felt her head spin when Leila held her tighter with one arm, sitting up to push Joseph off of them before he could lean in closer.

"Aw, come on, I thought it was funny." 

"Yes, that's the problem, your sense of humor-" Leila scolded him, her tone of voice not-so-serious despite pressing a hand on his chest to keep some distance between him and them. "If you weren't attractive, you'd never be able to get laid with a sense of humor like yours." she wore a playful pout on her face when Joseph grabbed her wrist, holding it gently as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek as part of his apology. 

"I know, but you like me anyways." 

Keiko was as red a tomato by then, her head pressed so closely against Leila's chest that she could hear the older girl's heartbeat almost as loud as her own. 

"I could do worse." Leila sighed, loosening her grip on Keiko a little so she could get more comfortable. "But you still haven't answered my question-how on earth did the two of you of all people end up catching feelings for each other?" 

How, indeed. Keiko excelled in her fair share of skills and talents, but deciphering her own feelings and putting them into words wasn't one of them. Still, practice made perfect, or so they said. Whoever "they" were, anyways. 

"If I knew, I would be a much smarter woman than I am." Keiko admitted. 

"What are you talking about? You're as smart as they come. If half the people in the world had half the brains you do, we wouldn't be in this mess right now." Leila told her in a matter-of-fact voice, as sure of herself as if she was answering someone asking what two plus two was. 

"I know some things, but that doesn't mean I understand my feelings." Feelings were messy, complicated, and sometimes a little gross, but having her own feelings, feelings separate from her worries and anxiety, was a refreshing change of pace. With a sigh, she finished voicing the thought she had gathered. "All I know is that I'm glad we're friends." 

Joseph, with a wide grin spreading across his face, scooped both of them up into his arms, pulling them both into his lap at the same time while reclining against a bunch of old pillows lying on top of the mattress. "Man, what am I gonna do about you two?" he kissed Keiko on the cheek, then Leila. "You two are just too adorable." 

Leila watched with amusement, expressed more in her eyes than the rest of her face, when Keiko gave a tiny little squeak of embarrassment and Joseph squished her cheeks with one hand, keeping his other hand wrapped around her waist. "Cute" was never something Leila called anyone or anything except babies and animals, but Keiko was cute in her own odd little way, different from the sort of way babies and animals were cute, and though Leila was far from familiar with what it felt like to find someone cute in this new way, it made her heart beat a little faster and her face soften a little and it felt good. 

Joseph laughed when Keiko hid her face in her hands, blushing like mad after he brushed her hair out of the way to leave a kiss on her ear, followed by a few more trailing down the side of her face and then her neck before letting go to get a better look at her. Finding herself preoccupied with how soft Keiko's hair looked, almost like a fluffy, bouncy pink cloud, Leila reached over to pat her hair, a soft smile on her face when Keiko worked up the courage to show her face again and Joseph reached out to ruffle her hair, all three of them collapsing in a heap on the bed when Keiko tried leaning in to bury her face in someone's chest-neither Joseph nor Leila cared whose, Joseph laughing and Keiko stammering an apology and Leila wearing a subtle grin on her face, all three of them tangled in each other's arms as hugs turned to kisses and Joseph went full steam ahead, throwing his clothes to the side after taking them off, Keiko and Leila following suit (minus the throwing part,) all three of them silently agreeing on one simple thing: There were many ways to stay warm when trapped inside due to bad weather, but this was by far the most efficient. 

After clothes were discarded and the distinct, unmistakable tension and anticipation had built up enough to feel like a physical presence of its own sharing space with them in the room, Keiko and Leila were lying down, Keiko lying on top of Leila, who held her in a secure grip in her strong arms, eyes fixed on Joseph. As eager as he had been, he never quite understood why he never got over seeing the two of them like that underneath him, the flush on Keiko's face and the calm but knowing look in Leila's eyes did things to him he didn't have the words to describe, and not just because he was bad with words (he was, but that was besides the point.) He might not have been able to understand his emotions as well as possible yet, but he was well aware of what his body was telling him, and what his body told him was that Keiko and Leila were by far the cutest girls he had ever seen. So different in so many ways and yet quite similar in others, they made a lovely pair, and he could not for the life of him decide which one he would rather take, so he figured it was quite convenient that they happened to be lying on top of each other, because this allowed the wheels to turn in his head just enough to offer him a solution to his tricky dilemma. 

"What?" 

"What?" 

Keiko said nothing-what was there to say, really? Leila was certainly quite comfortable to lay on and Joseph was quite a nice view, but she wasn't quite sure what he was planning to do and she wasn't sure if she was brave enough to ask. 

"What sort of weird ideas are you cooking up in that brain of yours now?" Leila asked Joseph, who despite being so obviously hard, remained still, holding his cock in his hand and not moving a muscle. 

"I'm just taking a moment to enjoy the view, that's all. Don't wanna rush the moment, you know?" 

Ah, of course. What a sentimental bastard he was. Leila didn't understand it, but then who said you needed to understand people to appreciate them? "I'd tell you to take a picture, but none of us have cell phone service here." 

Joseph cocked his head to the side, as if he was thinking about it. "Well, maybe next time then." Keiko sucked in a sharp breath when Joseph laid a hand on her thigh, holding on to steady himself while he guided his cock in the right position-sliding it in between their legs to rub it against both of them at the same time wasn't something Keiko would have ever dreamed up herself, but she supposed it made sense in a weird sort of way. He was big, enough so that it took quite a lot of preparation for her to take him herself and Leila didn't seem fond of being penetrated, so having them both lie on top of each other so he could slide it in between both of them at the same time made enough sense when she thought about it. "Now hold still, this shouldn't hurt at all so just lie back and relax." 

Leila took a deep breath, swallowing hard when Joseph slid his cock in between both of them. He had fucked her between her thighs several times before, and this felt a lot like that (which she enjoyed,) except now she was holding someone else on top of her. Keiko wasn't especially loud (though she knew that already, as she had watched both of them before,) but her breathy, high-pitched voice, so tiny and feminine, captured her attention without trouble. Leila found listening to both of her friends enjoyable, but she never made much noise herself, to the point where some people she had slept with found it unnerving, so she sometimes had to remind herself to make noise now and again-it wasn't that she faked orgasms. Leila didn't care enough about anybody's feelings to waste time doing that, but if she went limp and silent like she did when she wasn't the one topping and was so lost in the moment that she forgot to make what would be considered a normal amount of noise, there was no telling how Keiko would react to that, and the last thing she wanted to do was freak her out and make her feel uncomfortable. 

It was not difficult this time, thankfully-if there was anything that soothed her concerns about herself, it was the way being around Joseph and Keiko-or being with them in a more physical sense-eased the unsettling feelings that bothered her from time to time and calmed the unease that had settled deep in her bones since she was a child, the one that formed as a reaction to her inability to experience and process emotions and feelings the way other people did. Only her father shared her uncanny emotional range (or lack thereof,) and try as he might, he couldn't understand how other people worked any better than she did, suffering the same lack of emotional range and plasticity as she did. It was rare for Leila to mesh with other people and just as rare for them to mesh with her, but despite not sharing her peculiar disposition, Joseph and Keiko accepted her for who she was, helping to ease the unsettled feeling lingering inside her that seemed to be as much a part of her as her long red hair or her violet eyes. They didn't care that she needed more time to herself than other people or didn't pick up on the social cues that allowed people to become popular or preferred to keep more things private than other people did. No matter how she felt, they accepted her all the same and welcomed her in their lives, and it felt good. Better than almost anything, in fact. If this was what having friends felt like, Leila decided, then she was glad to have been blessed enough to experience it. 

Besides all that, Keiko was soft and sweet and warm and Joseph had clever, talented fingers,a quick wit when he wanted to have one, and was as stunning a specimen of the male form as any man could ever be. There was plenty to recommend about both of them, and Leila was never surprised that they were both very popular with members of their opposite sexes respectively. At any rate, she could not complain about the position she was in, although the mattress she was lying on left something to be desired. For a moment or two, Leila thought someone had turned on a light on the ceiling, but once she remembered there was no electricity, what was happening became obvious-the light turning bright, then white, exploding into a field of white-hot stars, bursting into flames in colors that didn't exist right in her field of vision, enveloping her entire world all at once, and then a rush of heat, and a flood of relief, and then suddenly her eyes were open and she could see again-her surroundings were nothing worth remembering but the way she felt when she remembered who she was with again was more than worth it. 

"You okay?" Keiko had to stop and take a moment to shake off her exhaustion before she was able to muster the energy to answer Leila's question. 

"Oh, yes, I'm fine." 

"Good." Leila was bone-tired herself, sighing in relief when Joseph lied down between them, plopping down on the bed in an unceremonious and inelegant heap, exhausted in the best way possible. 

"I don't know about you two, but suddenly this mattress is way more comfortable." Joseph mused. "Not that I'm a fortune teller or anything, but, hypothetically speaking, I could pass out right now." Like a light switch being flipped off, Joseph dove headlong into a first-class trip to dreamland, not making a single sound after finishing his last sentence.

Though the three of them didn't always see eye-to-eye on everything, they all agreed on one thing-no matter the weather outside (but especially during a cold snap), there was always a good way to forget about it for a while.


	14. Height Comparison Chart:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what the title says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used a height comparison chart to compare the height of my 3 main OC's and decided to link it here because yeet.

[X](https://www.mrinitialman.com/OddsEnds/Sizes/compsizes.xhtml?Figure%201~male~205.7_Figure%202~female~182.9_Figure%203~female~152.4)

Link is above

For context, the blue figure is Joseph, the pinkish figure is Leila, and the red figure is Keiko.

Their heights are listed below:

Joseph: 6'9"/205.7 cm

Leila: 6'0"/182.9 cm

Keiko: 5'0"/152.4 cm


	15. 10 (more) fun facts:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this for my last installment in this series so I'm gonna continue the tradition and do it for this series too.

Joseph:

1) He tried to adopt a grizzly bear once and though it didn't go well, instead of learning his lesson, he just tried again with different animals over and over like Joe Exotic but without the zoo and the whole "being a criminally negligent animal abuser" part. 

2) He was 6 feet tall by the age of 12 and finished growing before turning 20.

3) His favorite possession is an old-fashioned photograph of him with his mother when he was a little kid. 

4) Joseph has never owned a computer.

5) To remind himself of things he needs to remember, he leaves little post-it notes or notes on little scraps of paper taped in weird spots, but since he's functionally illiterate, they're mostly just random words and/or pictures.

6) Joseph has never had any dental problems whatsoever, which is handy because he's never had any kind of health insurance either.

7) His favorite colors are red, gold, and bright turquoise. 

8) Joseph rarely wears makeup himself but he enjoys helping other people do their makeup and he's quite good at it. 

9) The first modern music Joseph listened to was Los Tigres del Norte. 

10) Joseph is pretty handy at construction and can build almost anything if given enough time and equipment. 

Keiko: 

1) She has over 2 dozen relatives that she knows absolutely nothing about.

2) Despite being academically gifted, Keiko has almost zero knowledge of geography.

3) Keiko has adequate (but not excellent) cooking skills but is pretty good at baking.

4) Keiko always keeps her nails as short as possible to avoid biting them.

5) Keiko has the neatest handwriting of anyone.

6) Before the world ended, she organized everything in her closer by color.

7) Her top 3 career choices are being a marine biologist, an epidemiologist, or a microbiologist.

8) Keiko prefers using over-the-ear headphone to earbuds.

9) Keiko doesn't drink coffee. 

10) Besides having another dog, the types of pets Keiko would most like to have would be a rabbit, a hamster, or a budgie.

Leila:

1) Leila is a super picky eater but refuses to admit it.

2) Leila's favorite animals are dogs, birds, and big cats.

3) Leila's favorite colors are red, brown, gold, and blue.

4) Leila misses her period more often than not but when she has it, she usually loses her appetite.

5) Leila enjoys gardening, taking care of animals and babies, stargazing, collecting weird things/objects, meditating, and doing yoga.

6) Leila knows just about everything there is to know about herbal medicine and natural remedies for illnesses.

7) Leila is wary of most forms of modern technology and is afraid of robots.

8) Leila has occasionally done different kind of sexual acts for money and/or food (by her own choice, nobody forced her to do so) and other basic necessities but doesn't consider herself good enough at sex to make being a sex worker a regular job for herself.

9) Leila has also been paid to be a fitness instructor/dance instructor in the past and greatly enjoys that kind of work.

10) Leila prefers older men who are very masculine and generally prefers men of her own race.


	16. Obligatory Christmas-themed Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit of holiday spirit during these trying times. Or not. It's up to you really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The squad enjoys a bit of holiday fun while stuck in a shitty apartment complex in the bad part of a town whose goal is to give everyone a place to stay during the holiday season.

Somewhere far off in the distance, the sound of screaming rang in the air, complimented not-so-nicely by the smell of burning rubber, some kind of beeping like a malfunctioning microwave, and something that was either a very fat person, a very fat animal, or a 60-inch flat-screen TV falling right onto a 10 foot tall pile of snow and ice. 

"Aaaaaah, the wasps! I thought they were dead!" 

"I thought Geico was supposed to save me 15% or more on my car insurance!"

"My ass is still stuck in the ball-pit!" 

Leila took a deep breath through her nose, closing her eyes as she inhaled. The air smelled crisp and clean, though otherwise Leila didn't enjoy the cold. Being out in the cold was better than being inside, however. A shitty dilapidated apartment complex wasn't Leila's ideal shelter, but as she had never held a job and had no money, she didn't have much of a choice. 

"Holy fuck, where did the balls come from?!" 

"From the ball-pit, obviously!" 

Leila opened her eyes, her third and final attempt to distract herself from the bleak reality of her surroundings failing just like the other two. Enough was enough, Leila dusted the snow off her poncho after getting up, quietly making her way back to the shitty apartment she shared with Joseph and Keiko. Ah, humanity. Honestly, it could use some work. 

There was nothing interesting about the shitty little apartment Leila shared with her friends in the shitty little apartment complex in the shittiest little corner of town more well-off people wanted as little to do with as possible, so Leila was the last person who would have been surprised by the sight she was greeted by when she opened the front door. Taking a precious moment to swallow what was left of the saliva in her mouth, Leila pursed her lips as her chest rose and fell a single time, her nose crinkling. Being on welfare in one of the shittiest towns in the entire cursed continent of North America was 90% boring and 10% terrifying, so she couldn't really expect much else out of Joseph. Still, it was hard not to wonder just how her life had sunk so low when she found him lying naked on the floor on a rug made from a bear skin, covered in whipped cream. 

"Ah. You're not who I expected, but I don't mind." 

Leila was a person who questioned many things in life, often over a long period of time, compelled to search for answers when others found none. Why Joseph lying on the floor covered in whipped cream, however, didn't make it on the list. Some questions, it turns out, were really better left unanswered after all. 

"You know I'm lactose intolerant." No point in dignifying his shenanigans with a real response (she was, in fact, lactose intolerant, however, just like he was.) 

"Yeah, I was kind of expecting someone else." 

"But why-well, that?" 

Where he even got whipped cream was puzzling, because nobody made whipped cream after the apocalypse, and if they did, they certainly didn't sell it in a grocery store. 

Joseph shrugged, some of the whipped cream sliding off his arm and on the rug. Oh God, that's gonna be a pain to clean up later-Sometimes Leila really had to wonder what was wrong with him, but then, so did an army of psychologists and medical professionals, and none of them ever came up with answers. Maybe they were the lucky ones after all. There were, after all, some secrets mankind was simply not meant to understand. But Leila was not mankind, and someone needed to clean up the damn rug. 

"Hey guys, I'm home-" 

Leila and Joseph both turned towards the door, Leila putting on the same neutral expression she always wore like a mask while Joseph perked up as soon as Keiko walked through the door, neither of them saying anything when she immediately turned to look back, turned to look at Joseph again, ran to the door, locked it, and then hid in the bathroom all within the span of 5 seconds. 

"Now look what you did." 

Leila did not consider herself to be wise. Wisdom was reserved for those who had more experience, those who had seen and felt and known so much more in the course of their live than she could ever dream of comprehending. Her father was perhaps the only person she could think of who came to mind when she thought of it, but an inkling of a feeling deep insider her told her that even he would be at a loss in this situation. Then again, perhaps it was because he was so much wiser than she could ever dream of being that he wasn't currently locked in a bathroom with her stupid friend with benefits and another girl. 

Outside there were idiots singing Christmas Carols, idiots getting drunk on hard eggnog, idiots screaming and crying when their deep-fried turkey exploded, only some of them smart enough to flee the scene when parts of the humongous bird started flying around everywhere, but at the moment, none of them bothered her, because none of them had any idea she was relaxing in a hot tub (the only redeemable feature their shitty apartment possessed), all her stress melting away faster than the snowman outside that got blow-torched by a pyromaniac a few hours ago. The fact that her best friend happened to be fucking her other best friend a few feet in front of her was absolutely nobody's business but her own, and she liked it that way. If the only way to get out of the bathroom later was to break the door down, well, that was a problem for her future self, and right now, her current self saw no reason to take on her future self's problems. 

It all started with a can of whipped cream, and now there she was, sitting quietly in a hot tub (not entirely so, but close enough,) while watching Joseph pick up Keiko and kissed her face, grinning while her face turned the same color as her hair. After showering, all three of them happened upon a belated and upsetting realization: they accidentally locked themselves in the bathroom. Kicking down the door was all it would take to escape, of course, but then they'd get thrown out if they broke it and couldn't fix it before the asshole landlord showed up after Christmas. 

"Hey, guys?" Keiko was the first person to notice the door was locked and wouldn't open after they had all taken a shower (separately, because the shower was barely big enough for a single person let alone three.) "The door won't open." 

Joseph, who decided to flex his muscles to see what kind of reaction he could get out of his friends after taking a shower (Keiko turned as red as a tomato and hid her face in her hands and Leila silently took in the view with no noticeable sign of emotion anywhere on her face except her eyes), glanced over, cocking his head to the side while Leila looked on without a readable expression. "Oh, well, that's no problem-" 

"If you kick the door down and we can't fix it, we're gonna get kicked out after Christmas when the landlord shows up." Leila reminded him, sporting a neutral look on her face when the light in his eyes faded. 

"Yeah, well, we'll just fix it before the landlord shows up-" Keiko looked on in confusion and Leila did a double-take when Joseph's voice trailed off, all three of them noticing there was, in fact, another door after the steam from the shower had time to evaporate. 

"It's probably a trap-" Keiko barely had time to finish her sentence when Joseph opened the door, revealing a strange little room with a strange (and decidedly not little) hot tub. 

"Well, that's different." 

Leila shrugged, glancing around while Keiko's eyes widened, hiding behind Leila just in case something was about to go horribly wrong. "Doesn't look half bad honestly. I've never been in a hot tub before, I've always wanted to try it." 

After finding the switch to turn on the water heater and testing the water by sticking his foot in it, Joseph pulled off the towel he had wrapped around his waist and hopped in. 

Leila blinked, staying completely silent while Keiko squeaked in a shrill voice, turning away as she placed her hands on either side of her face and tried to take a deep breath to compose herself. 

"The water's perfect-never thought we'd find a hot tub in a shitty place like this but hey, I'm not complaining." Joseph said. "Why don't you two come on in?" 

Leila patiently waited for Keiko to pull herself together enough to turn back in the direction of the hot tub before patting her on the back, a small grin on her face once Keiko worked up the courage to head over to the hot tub. 

Whatever would happen after breaking down the door to the main part of the bathroom could wait, they all decided in unison once they were all in the hot tub, Keiko sticking part of her leg in the water for a moment first before stepping in. The water was pretty nice, even if the tub wasn't all that big, and there was even a bench to sit on about two feet or so under the water. All in all, it was way too nice to belong in the shitty apartment complex they had been staying in for the last month of the year, but after all the bullshit they dealt with, a randomly placed hot tub was the last thing anyone felt like worrying about.

"The water feels really nice." Keiko, who had her arms crossed over her chest, said, sitting in between Leila and Joseph. "I've never been in a hot tub." 

"I mean, I'm not a huge fan of most things people invented here, but hot tubs are pretty nice." Joseph had never been a huge fan of modern technology, and Leila couldn't blame him-the vast majority of new inventions in the last hundred years or so were new ways for the government to spy on people or faulty AI's meant to make things easier that never actually worked as intended. 

"It certainly beats being outside right now." Leila added. Having keen hearing, she caught the faint sound of someone screaming about turkey and hot oil flying around everywhere and closed her eyes, glad to be safely isolated from whatever the hell was going on outside. 

Joseph, spotting an opportunity like a lion spotting an antelope on the African Savannah (he had no idea what Africa was or what a Savannah was, but whatever,) wrapped an arm around Keiko, pulling her close, and Leila pretended not to notice how cute she was when she blushed, her whole face turning red, even her ears, when Joseph closed in the space between them. Keiko was too shy, and flustering her further would only stress her out too much. Besides, Leila didn't mind just watching. She didn't understand why, but oftentimes, she found watching other people have sex more pleasant than having sex herself. She didn't mind doing it sometimes, at least not with her friends, or her old boyfriend, but it never made her feel the way other people felt, and for some reason, she never felt compelled to seek it out. 

"And it helps that the company is nice too." Joseph kissed Keiko on the lips, pressing his lips softly against hers and pulling away to see if her face would turn any redder. "If we ever get out of here and get to live in a real house someday, I'll build a hot tub big enough to fit a dozen people." 

"If you ever invite a dozen people over, you can count me out." Leila added. "As comfortable as it is in here, I'd rather not share a hot tub with that many people." 

Joseph shot her a look. "Aw, you're no fun." He then turned back to Keiko, resting his hand on one of her breasts, squeezing gently as he held her. "Well, anyways, now's as good a time as any to relax and enjoy ourselves, what do you think?" 

Keiko could not possibly have blushed any harder than she was now, her face feeling as warm as an oven and her nipples hard, and not just from being exposed to the air after being in the water. "Uh, well-" The idea of doing it in a hot tub seemed a bit scandalous, somehow, though she knew nobody would find out, and even if they did, it wasn't like she hadn't slept with him before, both with and without Leila. "I suppose now's a good a time as any to try something new." Keiko then turned to Leila, who was quietly observing them both from just a few feet away. 

"You want to join or not?" 

"Maybe later, I think for now, I don't mind just sitting here." Leila answered Joseph, leaning back as she soaked in the water, appreciating the way it seemed to melt away her aches and pains and some of her worries. 

This was never the type of thing Keiko had ever imagined herself doing, but then, there were a lot of things she didn't imagine herself doing a lot of things before the world ended. If the end of the world wasn't a good enough excuse to try some of those things out, then when was? 

"You can squeeze a little if you want-you're not gonna hurt me." Joseph laughed a little when Keiko, having touched his chest without meaning to, drew her hand back, feeling a little embarrassed. Something about being so close to him while they were not only naked but also wet, without the sound of the shower running to provide a distraction, made her head spin, her thoughts floating around as a certain hazy, fuzzy feeling took over, causing her mouth to feel dry and her exposed skin to feel more sensitive than usual. 

Leila said nothing, a small smile being the only indication of her thoughts on the scene unfolding in front of her. It was nice to be close to people, she decided, despite having had some doubts after her old boyfriend passed away. When he died, she thought of swearing off any and all romantic or sexual activities for good, but now, she decided, perhaps enjoying those things hadn't been a mistake after all. It was amusing, after all, to watch Keiko's face scrunch up and hear her soft, breathy voice when Joseph kissed her or teased her, his rough, strong hands caressing her as he held her close, like the most prized treasure in the world that would break if he handled it too roughly. It helped that he was easy on the eyes too, of course. Leila knew beauty and sexual appeal were entirely subjective, but in her own opinion, Joseph possessed every physical feature a man ought to have, and was as close to physical perfection as any man could hope to be. She would never tell him, of course, his ego was plenty big enough already, but it was true nonetheless. 

"Ah-" Keiko felt the world tilt off its axis for a moment when Joseph, having put his fingers to good use by dipping two of them inside her pussy, clenched around them, a shock-wave of pleasure crashing through her body combined with a sudden, momentary sensation that she was about to fall. 

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna drop you-" Keiko felt herself go limp, breathing a sigh of relief and pleasure combined in equal parts as Joseph held her tighter. He was plenty strong enough to hold her in one arm while he fingered her. Hell, he could pick up three or four people at the same time with ease, holding her was no sweat, although knowing that did not entirely manage to relieve Keiko of the heady, spinning sensation she felt-the heat of the hot tub, combined with the continual stimulation she was receiving was something alright. 

Leila felt as calm and at ease as she remembered feeling in quite a long time, leaning back and watching with careful interest as Joseph hauled Keiko up in the perfect position to fuck her, Keiko wrapping her arms as much as she could around Joseph-she was too small to wrap her arms all the way around his shoulders, so she settled for digging her hands into his hair, Leila noted with amusement. With a leisurely but steady pace, Joseph rocked his hips back and forth, grunting in a low voice. No doubt he was trying to hold back, pondering a question in a corner in the back of his mind-it was obvious even before he threw a glance in Leila's direction, waiting until after she gave him a short, quick nod to pick up the pace, thrusting harder and faster once he got the go-ahead. Sometimes Leila did join in, but this time, watching would be just fine, she thought, her hand dipping below the water to touch herself. 

Leila knew exactly what she was doing to Joseph by doing this-she was sitting only a few feet away from him and the water was clear enough for him to see, and the look on his face only made it that much more exciting. Joseph was quite expressive, more so than she was, certainly. He showed so many things just in his face alone, and to Leila, watching him was like opening a long book, pulling the cover back to flip to the very first page of a captivating novel. Speaking of which, I ought to get more books-Leila allowed the though to pass just as quickly as it arrived, as random thoughts like that often passed through her mind during these sorts of situations-curling her fingers in and out a few more times before switching to rubbing her clit. She never needed long-a minute or two was all it took if she wanted to hurry up and get off, but if possible, she wanted to time it so she would finish around the same time they would. It was an exact science, something that took a lot of trial and error and usually almost never matched up with either of them at the exact same second, but close enough was good enough, and so she rubbed her clit more slowly, moving her finger in small, careful circles, letting whatever thoughts made their way into her conscious pass through without judgment, simply observing them and allowing them to disappear in their own time. 

Having enough experience with him to know as much, Leila knew Joseph could last quite a while if he wanted, but if he was too impatient, then all bets were off, and he was never quite as impatient as he was with Keiko. The thought didn't trouble her-far from it. She knew she could never give him everything he wanted, so if he could have someone who would, the thought lifted her spirits and filled with a quiet, grateful sense of content. He was loud, impulsive, and scatterbrained, but she had spent enough time with him to know she could never deny how she truly felt about him. They had their differences, but they agreed on what was important and for so long, all they had was each other, so it only made sense that they both resolved never to leave each other-even if time and circumstances spear anted them, they would always find each other again and they would spend the rest of their lives together, no matter how long they lived. 

It wasn't too hard to guess, then, what would happen when Joseph started thrusting more wildly, gripping Keiko's hips and squeezing his eyes shut as he grit his teeth. Leila wordlessly moved her fingers a little faster, knowing enough about herself and her body to know exactly how to finish herself off as soon as possible. After a few more thrusts on Joseph's part, Leila closed her eyes, seeing nothing for a moment, and then, a flash of bright white light, followed by a billion tiny stars, almost microscopically small, burst into a brilliant explosion, heat and light enveloping her in a warm, perfect embrace. 

Allowing herself a few moments of silence before speaking, Leila pulled her knees to her chest, still breathing a bit harder than normal, waiting for the feeling to pass until Joseph sat down, pulling Keiko into his lap. 

Once the water stopped splashing around, Joseph glanced at both of them, taking a deep breath before speaking. "You know, if we weren't locked in the bathroom, I'd want to stay in here forever." 

Ah, the bathroom. The unsettling dilemma remained. What to do, what to do-Keiko was of no help, feeling too tired and worn out from Joseph fucking her brains out, but still, she felt compelled to at least contribute by saying something. "I wish I had something better to say." She started, a bone-tired sense of exhaustion having taken hold of her. "But I'm so tired now." No doubt her skin was already all dried up like a prune, she realized, but she was too tired to do anything about it. It was so nice and warm, and Joseph was so nice and warm, and she wished nothing more than to be able to crawl into bed with her friends and fall asleep. I guess I better look for some lotion after I wake up. Lotion would definitely help, even if it was just the cheap stuff anyone could find at the drugstore. 

"Don't stress yourself out about it." Leila insisted when, after Joseph picked her up and got out of the hot tub and Leila stepped out of the tub, Joseph kicked down the door, ignoring the shouting of their irate next-door neighbor until after he laid Keiko on the bed. 

"God damn you useless fucking pricks, people are trying to get ready for Christmas!" someone next door shouted at them through the wall, banging on it with a broomstick. 

"Worry about yourself dumb-ass motherfucking asshole!" Joseph yelled back while Keiko grabbed the pillow Leila threw at her and pressed it against her ears. 

"Why you-you damn kids don't care about anything, just destroying everything, and on Christmas Eve too!" 

"And it's not your apartment dumb-ass so piss off and mind your own business jackass!" Joseph banged on the wall, not hard enough to damage the wall but hard enough that it scared the person on the other side enough to get them to shut up. 

"Lovely bunch of neighbors we have here." Leila commented, a small grin on her face when Joseph got between her and Keiko, pulling them both close. "Either way, we ought to fix that door before the landlord shows up, but that can wait until tomorrow." 

"Yeah." Joseph agreed, kissing Keiko and Leila on the forehead. "For now, though, there's more important things to do." 

Keiko couldn't bring herself to disagree with either of them, feeling as perfectly warm and comfortable as it was possible to feel on a second-rate mattress in a third-rate apartment in a fourth-rate little town on Christmas Eve. Joseph and Leila didn't know enough about Christmas to understand its significance, but Keiko was sure there was no better way to celebrate the holiday than to spend it with her best friends. Merry Christmas indeed-Keiko closed her eyes, using the last of her energy to snuggle as close to Joseph as possible and wait for sleep to whisk her off to dreamland until Christmas morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, don't do drugs, wash your hands, and remember to brush your teeth.


	17. Arguing With His Girlfriend at 4:30 am, Man Follows Through With Threat To Lie Down In The Middle Of The Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always 4:30 am somewhere. Probably.

There wasn't much to do when the world wasn't busy trying to kill you. Keiko was used to it. She wasn't used to all of her neighbors, though. 

Cringing as she stepped over a used needle in the street, Keiko almost jumped out of her own skin when she saw a strange lumpy shadow in the middle of the street. It looked way too much like the shadowy figure she saw last night through the window at 4:30 am, so she quickly turned away, trying not to think about it too hard. Better to think about something more positive, she told herself as she ran like hell to her house. 

It wasn't really her house (or anyone's, for that matter, as its original owners died long ago,) but it was a house and even though it was kind of creepy and nobody else in the neighborhood wanted to go near it, it was the only house that didn't cost an arm and a leg to stay in, so that was exactly where she stayed, accompanied by her only friends. Stopping herself just as she reached the door and waiting a moment to catch her breath so she wouldn't look so out of breath, Keiko fished out her keys, unlocking the door and double-checking to make sure she had locked it behind her once she was inside. 

"What's that smell?" Keiko didn't really want to know, but she asked Joseph out of politeness anyways. Though he had his moments and could be thoughtful at times, Joseph only ever made hot chocolate with the darkest, most bitter chocolate known to man (where he got it was a mystery,) with water, chili peppers, and nothing to sweeten it. 

"It's hot chocolate, you want some?" It looked something like a cross between wet dirt and the kind of tar they used to pave roads back home and the smell made her eyes burn a little. 

"I'm okay, thanks though. Don't mind me, I'm gonna take a shower and change." 

Keiko wasn't expecting to find fancy lingerie on her bed when she got out of the shower and changed, but then, what did it matter what she was expecting anymore? Life was weird enough before the apocalypse, for her to think that would change afterwards would be beyond ridiculous. 

I could never wear this-things like lingerie and tiny bathing suits made Keiko feel too self-conscious and thus she couldn't help but notice the twinge of embarrassment settling in her stomach as she picked it up to look at it. This was certainly not Leila's doing, and not just because Leila had been sleeping for 15 hours (she sometimes passed out for an entire day after having a lot of social interaction,)-Leila denounced anything she considered wasteful, especially from a monetary standpoint, and lingerie was one of those things. That left Joseph, and though Keiko couldn't be sure that he had paid for it, it did nothing to change the embarrassed feeling currently settling down in the deepest, most uncomfortable part of her stomach, the same part that she noticed too much during exams or that one time her appendix burst when she was 14.

"Hey, it's just me." Joseph reassured her when Keiko screamed after hearing him enter her room. He had knocked before but she had been too absorbed in her own thoughts to notice. 

"It's not that-I mean, uh-" Keiko quickly dropped the fancy lacy underwear and bra on her bed, hoping Joseph wouldn't notice. "Did you need something?" 

"Need, no, want, yes." To her dismay (but not her surprise,) Joseph picked up the lingerie on her bed, glancing at it and then her. "I couldn't find anything that was pink, but I thought you'd look extra cute in it anyways." 

"Really?" The emphasis she placed on the word made her sound more confused than enthusiastic, though she had never really been that good at controlling her tone of voice when she felt awkward. "I'm not really the type this sort of stuff's intended for." 

Oh God, just shut up already, she begged herself but to no avail-once her mind started racing, there was no stopping it-her many failed experienced with anxiety medication and anti-depressant medication showed as much, and there was only so much therapy could really do for her level of trauma, low self-esteem, and paranoia. 

"For one thing, I don't have the skill it takes to model stuff like this." 

"Who said anything about modeling? I was just planning on tearing it off with my teeth-" Taking absolutely no time to process her reaction after that string of words left his mouth, he continued, oblivious to anything outside of his own train of thought and also what he imagined she would look like in the fancy lingerie. "I found it in a car I stole from some criminals on the highway-don't worry, I washed it." 

There were about 150 thousand questions everything he just said presented and Keiko wasn't sure she wanted answers to most of them. So ignoring most of what he said, she concentrated on keeping her legs from shaking, taking a deep breath before responding. "Huh?" 

If Joseph blinked (and sometimes there was a worryingly long amount of time where he didn't seem to blink,) she didn't notice. "I mean, if you're interested, of course." He sat on her bed without a care in the world, stretching his legs out after he did so. "Not that I'd complain if you just took your clothes off and sat in my lap right now. Just throwing that out there." 

Figures as much-Joseph was many things, some of them weird, some of them a little unsettling, but picky wasn't one of them. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. Picking her up and seating her on his lap, Joseph gently pet her hair-he always enjoyed the way it felt to thread his fingers through her soft curls. Where he grew up, everybody had straight hair and he hadn't seen anyone with wavy or curly hair until he had discovered The New Republic of America. The sheer variety and amount of people overwhelmed him at first, but he soon decided it wasn't all bad, especially not when he got to meet people like Keiko. 

"But again, if you do wanna wear it, though, go right ahead." 

"I'm too shy to wear it right now." No point in beating around the invisible bush now-hell, the bush had been thrown out ages ago, burned in a 50 foot high steaming trash fire and there was no finding it again now. "Maybe another time." 

Joseph didn't let that deter him, pulling her closer against him, all the better to get a look at the blush on her face. "I guess there's no helping it. But as long as we're here and there's not much else to do, I'd enjoy spending the rest of the night with you, whatever you wear." 

______

A few minutes later, after Keiko got up to take off her oversized sweater and hang it up in her closet (since she didn't want it to get wrinkled,) she was sitting in Joseph's lap facing him, her head resting in the crook of his neck while he dipped his fingers in her pussy, his hand under her light pink underwear. He had already left a few little bites-nothing too special, nipping at her skin just enough to get a reaction out of her without leaving any particularly noticeable marks on her neck after pulling her into his lap, playing with her breasts by squeezing and pinching each of her nipples a little. He always remembered to do the same thing on either side, of course, paying heed to a morsel of advice from his father-the old man was more depressing and miserable than a hail storm on a cold winter morning but Joseph could not deny his intelligence. 

Lingerie or no lingerie, Keiko was always easy on the eyes-most women were to Joseph, but it wasn't everyday he found one as soft and sweet and pretty and fun to play with as her. Everything, from her soft curly hair to her small, feminine face to every dip and curve of her body impressed him every time just as much as it had the first time he saw her. Joseph was sometimes easily bored, but he never had trouble enjoying being around Keiko. 

"Um, you don't want to lie down?" Keiko asked him when, after sliding off her panties, he moved into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard behind the bed, sitting with his just far enough apart to allow her to sit on his cock. 

"Nah, it' fine this way." 

Keiko couldn't help but feel a bit nervous-come on, you've done this before, she reminded herself. He was rather-well, well-endowed. Nothing freakish to an appalling degree, but enough so that she found preparing for it could prove to be a rather complex undertaking. Joseph never failed to prepare her well enough, but even so, she couldn't just sit there and go to town like nothing-this would take some work and a bit of luck, and Keiko could only count on one of those things. 

"Uh, I-I don't know if this is gonna work-" 

"Don't worry, the more you relax, the better it'll feel. Just take it nice and slow, there's no rush." 

If you insist-Keiko could not find a reason to argue-in spite of her feelings, her body was thrumming with an oh-so-familiar sensation of heat gathering in her core, one that told her in no uncertain terms what would help it. Straddling him as best as she could while also trying to make sure her legs didn't shake, Keiko took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she seated herself on his cock. Moving down slightly after getting the tip in, she inched down slowly, inch by inch at a snail's pace, her eyes popping open when she finally managed to sit down all the way. 

"Ow-" 

"It's alright, just breathe-" In truth, it was a little hard for Joseph to breathe now, as he was all too aware of what his body wanted him to do, but he pushed it aside-nothing would be gained from pressuring her, and hurting her would ruin the whole experience. "That's it, see, nothing to worry about." He encouraged her as her nails dug into his biceps, her lips pursed shut and her eyes wide as she waited a few moments for the stinging pain to recede to a manageable level. 

About a minute, or maybe a little less, Keiko found the ability to move again, her grip on his arms loosening as she moved up and down, each time she slammed down feeling better than the last, the hot, wet heat gathering between her legs growing more and more intense as she built up a steady (if not very fast) pace. With a gasp of surprise passing her lips, Keiko almost forgot to breathe for a moment as Joseph rubbed her clit with his thumb, using only the gentlest touch he could offer. Gentle wasn't really his strong suit, but he had his moments, and he knew enough to realize Keiko was just the type of girl who would benefit from it the most. At any rate, he had nothing to complain about-and how could he, after all, with such a soft, sweet beauty in his lap, her cute face flushed red as she bounced up and down. The single light-bulb in the room had seen better days, and was about as bright as a torch at this point, but Joseph had no complaints about the view, resting his free hand on her back as she put all her energy into each and every movement she made, clinging onto him now as tightly as she could manage even after he had helped her finish a second time and moved his other hand around to grab her ass. 

Her arms weren't quite long enough to wrap all the way around him, no surprise given how broad his shoulders were, but it was the thought that counted, he reasoned. Sensing she was rather close, as he was also, Joseph making the lightning-quick decision to grab her by the waist, helping her move up and down. In truth, he could have lifted her up and brought her back down again over and over hard enough so that she wouldn't have to move at all, but he knew enough to know that would be a bad idea with someone as small and delicate as her. As the seconds passed, he found it wasn't really a big deal anyways, it felt good regardless, having her tight pussy slide up and down his cock in such a steady, even rhythm, the consistent, intense squeeze bringing him closer and closer to finishing. 

It was a shame they hadn't tried this more often, he thought, the rush of heat thrumming inside him growing more and more intense as her pussy gripped onto him tighter. her small body trembling as she did her best to keep moving so he wouldn't have to do all the work. The fleshy, wet sound each time she bottomed out was the only sound in the room (or the entire house, for that matter,) besides Keiko's short, high-pitched moans, as soft and quiet as anyone would expect from someone like her and a few low grunts from Joseph. Leila wore earplugs when she went into one of her mini-comas, but Leila was far from the only person within a close radius, as the neighbors, as close as their houses were and as massive in number as they were, were an annoying bunch of motherfuckers to match all annoying motherfuckers. 

Gripping onto her waist with more force, Joseph could hardly stand the delicious, perfect agony washing through him like a tsunami crashing over a billion-dollar high-rise apartment complex, the whole thing collapsing in a flash much to the anguished cries of its developers and investors. In general, he always thought Keiko had a cute face, but it was especially cute when she was bouncing up and down on his cock the way she was (with some help from him,) the way her eyes squeezed shut and the way he could tell she was trying hard not to moan too loud. Feeling her swallow all of his cock inside her over and over was something he would never forget, and something he beat off thinking about now and then, and for good reason-she was so hot and wet and tight it was like a vice grip, squeezing him in a way that caused his brain to short-circuit, just as well as any drug he could have taken (or snorted, or injected, or-well, that wasn't the point.) What he failed to articulate with thoughts or words was clear as day to everything outside of his brain, and that was what mattered. 

When everything went white and a familiar heat rushed through him, a shock of lightning flashed behind his eyes, his face scrunched up as he held back part of a moan, groaning a little instead, followed by his vision fading into black. After hearing what sounded like white noise for a moment or so, the Earth seemed to resume spinning the way it always had, rotating around the sun at its normal pace, Joseph holding onto Keiko for a few moments as she lied against him, panting and breathing heavily. His own breath shaky as well, Joseph said nothing for a moment, waiting for air to fill his lungs well enough to allow him to make sense of the world again. 

"What time is it?" Keiko asked, suddenly concerned though she couldn't explain why. 

"Hm?" Joseph glanced over at the shitty old flip phone he had been using for a while. "Uh, about midnight." 

"Oh-thank goodness." Keiko was only too grateful that Joseph didn't bother to inquire why, opting instead to hold her in his arms and kiss her forehead after she wiped the sweat off with a cloth he tossed to her and they lied down under the blanket. "We should go to sleep soon-it's better not to stay up too late." 

"Can't say I feel like disagreeing right now." 

Thank God for locks on doors and windows-Keiko was far too warm and comfortable now to be in the mood to worry about what she saw at 4:30 am that morning-having to spoil her mood with that would surely qualify as some sort of crime against humanity. Then again, she thought as she drifted off to sleep, being in this shitty neighborhood was why she was so warm and comfortable and content right now, in a way, and that, she supposed, was more than enough to appreciate in the apocalypse.


	18. Always Check The Temperature Settings Before You Set Your Pants To Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I decided to go full crack and also introduce some of my other OC's, though the ending leaves enough room open for interpretation that you can imagine a smutty ending to this if you want.

The air was cool and the breeze was nice, strong enough to shoo away memories of the hot, humid day but not too strong to the point where it was annoying. So why, then, did Keiko feel a sudden sense of unease when she saw the hot spring? 

"Don't worry, there's nothing in here, the water's fine." 

Keiko never mentioned anything being in the water, so Leila's comment as the older girl stepped in the hot spring didn't help ease her mind but she didn't dare say anything about it. For once, they found a decent place to rest for a while and there didn't seen to be any dead people shambling around looking for any hot, fresh, screaming snacks. No crazy people, no weird cults, nobody trying to rope them into participating into a suspicious MLM scheme, no homeowners associations, no property taxes, and most of all, no political campaigns were occurring anywhere within 150 miles of the general area. 

"So, uh, nice weather we're having." It was alright, but nothing spectacular, nothing worth commenting on, at least, but Keiko refused to stew in her own awkward silence a moment longer, dipping her foot in the water before working up the bravery to take the plunge (figuratively, as Keiko didn't plunge into anything, at least not on purpose.) 

"It is." Leila was as outgoing and talkative as a house cat and not much more sociable, but in an odd way, it made Keiko feel more at ease around her. 

Leila didn't fill empty gaps in conversations with pointless shit and she never tried to smash Keiko's shell and crack it open like a coconut, which was far more than Keiko could say about many people. Leila was quiet but not out of arrogance or contempt, rather, she was content to keep most of her thoughts to herself. Being around her was comforting, not like being wrapped in a warm blanket or sitting down to a home-cooked meal made with lots of love, but spending time with her was not that much unlike seeing a beautiful sunrise or the simple, quiet relief of waking up one morning and realizing there was nothing urgent that needed to be done that day. 

If Leila looked a bit too much like Joseph for comfort and happened not to pick up on certain social cues at times, that was easy enough to overlook, though easier when they weren't both sitting in the same hot spring together. 

"This isn't as hot as I thought it'd be." 

Leila had no trouble tolerating heat that bothered most other people, so Keiko couldn't always use her friend's judgment as a perfect benchmark to judge things, but this time she happened to be right. "Come to think of it, you've never been in a hot spring before, have you?" 

"Not that I remember." 

Leila's expression didn't change, but Keiko knew she wouldn't have asked if she wasn't interested. "It used to be a lot easier to find hot springs, but you can thank stupid people for ruining that." Keiko didn't bother to add anything when Leila paused-she knew better than to bother when Leila mentioned anything along the lines of what the "stupid people" did, and not only because Keiko knew the stupid people were mostly people from the same place she came from. "They tore down everything they got their filthy hands on and put up shopping malls and parking lots and factories that blow toxic smoke in the air and then they wonder why everything is always trying to kill them." 

Keiko couldn't bring herself to object because looking at the general state of the world around her, even in her short time on the Earth, she could provide no rebuttal. Even if she was too timid to be angry, she didn't bother trying to change it. Leila expressed her anger for her when she found herself incapable of doing so, articulating many of the things she wanted to say but could never find the strength to admit (even if she worded those thoughts a lot more crudely than Keiko herself would have.) 

The tension was palpable, however, and increasingly so, until the sound of a door crashing and men yelling blew it up like a nuclear bomb. 

"Hey, I'm back, mind if my friends join?" Joseph asked, not waiting for a reply before stripping off his clothes and jumping in. 

"Ahh, this is nice, I can tell my skin's gonna be nice and clear after this." Karl, a skinny, gangly, knob-kneed looking blond with a few weird patchy marks on the side of his face, a chipped front tooth, and a light dusting of freckles said after hopping in. 

"The only thing that's gonna clear your skin is taking a damn shower and washing your face with actual soap, dude." John, Karl's older brother and a longtime friend of Joseph's, informed him, grimacing as he accidentally sat on a bumpy rock. "Ugh, stupid rocks." He threw the rock out of the hot spring after fishing it out from where he was sitting, accidentally hitting an large opossum with it. Ignoring the screech the animal made before scampering off into the woods, John gave Karl a disapproving look and a half-hearted whack upside the head. "Hey, keep your eyes from wandering where they're not wanted unless you want them to get knocked out of your head." 

"Oww." 

Keiko hadn't noticed Karl taking a brief mental picture of her, Leila, and Joseph, but then, she hadn't exactly been expecting this much company when she and Leila decided to relax in the hot spring while Joseph hid his secret stash in a safe spot after the three of them arrived at their current shelter. 

"Man, it's been a while since I've been able to enjoy one of these." Joseph commented. "Maybe this place isn't such a trash heap after all." 

"Honestly, I thought it was gonna be kinda shitty but this ain't bad." John added while Karl grabbed something out of a bag lying on the ground nearby-Keiko noticed it was a packet of strawberry Twizzlers-didn't know there were any of those left, she thought. Weird. 

"Well, it's not a hot tub, but it's pretty damn nice, and the view is better too." 

"Yeah-" Keiko still had not a whole lot of an idea what the hell was going on, so it didn't help when John looked over at Karl again, his voice trailing off before he yelled at his brother again. "Hey, what did I tell you about keeping your eyes from wandering where they're not supposed to go?" 

"No, dude, look, in the woods!" Something rustling in the woods caught Karl's attention, making him reconsider whether he should have left his crossbow inside the house. 

"What? Don't tell me it's more zombies, I've seen enough of those fuckers to last a lifetime, if they ruin this hot spring I'm gonna have to go postal." 

"No, wait-" Joseph shushed everyone. "That's not a zombie, I can smell it-"

Keiko wasn't sure whether to ask and frankly, the longer she survived in the apocalypse, the more she understood why Leila usually kept her mouth shut. 

"Smell what?" Karl asked. 

"Not what, who. It's a woman." 

Karl's eyes went as wide as dinner plates, especially when a short, busty woman wearing overalls, a pink t-shirt, and tennis shoes who was carrying a backpack and a shovel stumbled out of the woods, a few leaves sticking to her clothes and a little dirt on her face. 

"Hey, Wendy!" Karl yelled, waving like a little kid who just saw their best friend on the first day of kindergarten. "I thought you were dead, come on in, the water's fine!" 

There's not enough room-or so Keiko thought, unwilling to put up a protest when Joseph invited her to join them and John rolled his eyes at Karl but followed suit anyways. 

"So anyways, guys, this is Leila sitting to the right of me and to the right of me is Keiko." Joseph introduced them both to Wendy. "And it seems like you already know these two so no need for introductions there." Joseph continued, commenting about the other two men who showed up with him earlier. 

"So now that you're alive, we can go on a date." 

"In your dreams." Wendy was not impressed with Karl and his thirst for her (which had been a thing for the last few years, much to her chagrin,) causing Karl to pout, fishing in his bag of Twizzlers for consolation. "Ah, well, at least I found these-you can have some if you want." he told Wendy, who turned his second offer down just as quick as she rebuffed the first one. 

Keiko had never been in a hot spring before, so she should have known better than to have any clear expectations of how it would turn out but still, she had expected something...well, quieter. And more peaceful. Definitely that, she thought as two guys, a big heavyset guy with a close-cropped low fade haircut, suspiciously oversized sunglasses, and a big silver chain around his neck, and a lanky, bony looking dude who could give Karl a run for his money on how many of his bones seemed to stick out in ways that they really shouldn't have burst out of the woods, tripping over their own feet and falling right in front of the hot spring. 

"Ahh, this some real good shit, real good for cleaning out your pores. Can't get a bath like this back at the refugee camp." the big heavyset guy said, stretching his arms out on either side at a right angle and the skinny guy beat-boxing to himself, still wearing his bright blue baseball cap despite taking off the rest of his clothes after falling in just like his friend did. "Oh, hey, Wendy, how you doin?" 

"So anyways-" After trying and failing to finish the same sentence 15 times, Joseph gave up when a short, nervous looking guy with taped-together coke-bottle glasses and a cheap plastic name-tag that said "Barry" on it wearing stiff Khaki pants, a short-sleeved white button-up shirt, and brown loafers, stumbled and tripped over a centipede, falling straight into the hot spring. 

"Holy shit-I though you were dead!" The nervous guy screamed when he saw Joseph, scrambling away from him. "I saw the explosion, how are you still alive?!-No, wait, I'm the one who's not alive! I knew it, I couldn't survive in the apocalypse all by myself, that's why you took pity on me and hung out with me-but then I just became the third wheel while you dated Mary and then we all fucking died! Oh, what a moron I am!" 

"Woah, hold up a minute, I'm at least 99% sure I'm not whoever you're mistaking me for." Joseph started, trying to ignore the skinny dude who was still beat-boxing. "Also your clothes are all wet and you look like you'll drown if you stay in them so go ahead and place them by the pile over there before you finish." Joseph gestured to the pile where various people's clothes had gathered at that point, gritting his teeth in frustration as the beat-boxing guy kept on beat-boxing. "John, do you know that guy?" Joseph asked John about the beat-boxing guy.

"Nah, I thought you knew him." 

"Dude, why the fuck would I know him?" 

"Beats me, I just figured if anyone else here knew him, they wouldn't admit it." 

"Well-you know what, you got me, never seen the dude before, but I'll ask." 

Keiko was only too disappointed that the hot spring was so nice and warm and comfortable because she was really struggling to find a reason why she shouldn't try to make a run for it while there was still room for her to get out, but she was also too afraid somebody would notice her to try to leave, so she looked around, trying to figure out how the hell Leila had ended up on the other side of the hot tub talking to the girl named Wendy while she was squished between the large man with the chain and the guy who was beat-boxing-wait, hold on a minute-just when Keiko saw her salvation, the perfect opportunity to escape, thanks to a small gap of space between the guy called John and the guy called Karl, a loud screech could be heard from the woods, followed by a petite but very curvy woman in a tight shirt and short cargo shorts fell right on top of the nervous guy in glasses, her huge boobs hitting him right in the face, breaking his glasses and his fragile mental state all at once. 

"Ahhhhhhh, someone kill me, I can't live like this anymore, I'm suffocating, put me out of my misery and let me die already!" The nervous guy shrieked, unable to wrench himself free of the vice-grip the woman who fell on top of him had him in, smothering him with her boobs, which were possibly the largest set of vaguely natural-looking boobs Keiko had ever seen in her life. It was a wonder the woman could walk, which, when Keiko thought about it, might very well have been the reason why she fell in the pond. Good bras with adequate support were hard to come by in the apocalypse and Leila was of no help giving Keiko advice about finding bras because the difference between Leila's chest and the chest of an average 12 year old boy was pretty much just a matter of semantics. 

At that point, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things happening at the same time, Keiko hardly even noticed the rap music that started playing, even if the bass made her feel a bit dizzy and she swore it made her ears feel weird and heavy. 

"Barry, you're not dead, I wouldn't lie to you! I was your reading buddy when you were in preschool, surely you wouldn't forget me that easily, silly!" The large-chested woman squeezing him told him, squeezing her eyes shut as she shook him around like a ragdoll. "You're my number one BFF, I would never forget about you Barry!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" 

"Damn, boobies." Karl muttered, shoving more of the Twizzlers in his mouth while the big guy wearing the chain took out a blunt from the beat-boxing guy's hat, lighting it with something (Keiko never figured out how he did it or what he did it with,) Keiko grimacing at the skunk-like smell of the rolled-up joint the large heavyset man was smoking. 

"So anyways, you ever seen a picture of the Eiffel Tower?" John asked Joseph.

"Yeah, why?" 

"So basically, when you and another dude are boning a girl, if you high-five each other, then it looks like the Eiffel Tower, so that's where the name comes from." 

"Huh, oh, I get it-" Joseph replied, pausing for only a moment when Karl shot his arm in front of him to grab a Sharpie out of a bag (all the better for him to draw a tic-tac-toe board on the beat-boxing guy's back so he could play a game of tic-tac-toe with the big heavyset guy,) "Guess there's a name for everything." 

You know, I survived much worse than this, Keiko convinced herself. I can still enjoy myself. The water's warm and there's no zombies-Keiko felt her mouth go dry as the thought passed through her mind, her legs suddenly shaking. 

"You're dating what's her face, right?" 

"Keiko or Leila?" 

"The pink haired one." 

"Yeah, she's a little shy, but she's a real cutie." 

"Cool, hey, I have an idea-" 

Keiko looked over at the nervous guy, who was still being squeezed by the large-chested woman, the poor man looking like his soul had left his body long ago and he had been operating on nothing but pure willpower and survival instincts for years now. Perhaps it was because she felt an odd kinship with him after taking a look at his poor miserable face that, as small and weak as she was, she felt compelled to at least attempt to help him-come on, Keiko, you got this, she told herself as she swam towards him-

"Haha, you're hilarious-not that I'm not gonna ask her though." 

"You know what they say-but fuck what they say, they're all a bunch of old shits, who gives a shit what they say?" 

"Honestly, right? I mean, I can't guarantee anything, but now's as good a time as any." Joseph dodged a Twizzler flying by his head with ease before continuing. "I'll ask her if she wants to get double-teamed and I'll let you know what she says." 

Keiko was about an inch or two away from being able to reach the nervous guy when a mis-aimed Twizzler hit her and she heard the last string of words leave Joseph's mouth. She wished it would be quiet (or quieter, at least) but not like this, she thought as her vision dimmed and her legs felt heavy, the last sounds to fill her ears being bass-heavy rap music and desperate screaming. So much for hot springs, she thought, unaware of what was to follow after Leila leapt into action, grabbing her before she could sink under the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the rap music playing: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40ZpZdcF6EY


	19. Life Eventually Gets Better, Or So Sayeth The Conch

The apocalypse was never something Keiko expected to be normal. Hell, life before the apocalypse wasn't normal either. This, well, this, she thought, sitting on a spinning chair with a slightly squishy seat cushion, in a little office with a single picture of Big Bird framed on the wall, was (yet again) something she couldn't quite process. Nevertheless, an attempt had to be made.

"Uh, why am I here again?" Keiko squeaked in a little voice, summoning all her energy and strength not to fidget. 

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble." The bouncy-haired, oddly jovial woman sitting behind the desk a few feet in front of Keiko, replied. "In fact, you should be excited." Keiko was many things, excited wasn't one of them. She shifted in her seat, unable to find a comfortable position as the woman continued. "This is the beginning of something life-changing for you-here, and now, this is the beginning of your first free therapy session!" 

it was not, in fact, Keiko's first therapy session, but she had just enough wisdom to understand now was not the time to rain on the post-apocalyptic therapist's parade. She forced herself to stay still, swallowing hard as she inhaled a deep breath, sucking in as much air as possible. 

45 minutes later, Keiko walked out of the office, not feeling too happy about anything in particular or feeling too sad about anything in particular. Outside the "office" (really just a standalone garage that used to be attached to a house that got blown up,) Keiko weaved her way through a spaced-out crowd of people, all denizens of the latest post-apocalyptic settlement she and her friends had stumbled upon. Nothing special, at least not in the grand scheme of things, or so it seemed. It would probably be better if it stayed that way, but Keiko didn't want to think about it. 

She didn't want to think about anything at all right then, in fact, making her way to the tiny condo she had been sharing with her friends for about a week now. It was more decent than some places and less impressive than others, but all Keiko hoped for was to find a way to get that overzealous therapist to leave her alone. What now, she thought, walking inside and shutting the door behind her. It was anyone's guess who she would run into first-Joseph or Leila (or perhaps she would find them both at the same time,) and Keiko really didn't care either way. Just having some kind of social interaction with somebody who didn't give her the impression that they wanted to harvest her pineal gland and sell it on Ebay for $3.50 would be enough. 

"Hey, you're back." Joseph picked her up, kissing her on the cheek. "I missed you." 

It had only been roughly half an afternoon, thanks to being roped into referee-ing a game of kickball for some kids before her unusual run-in with an equally unusual stranger, but Keiko knew just enough about him to know that was normal for him. At least somebody feels like themself. "I have to admit, it's kind of flattering that you missed me even though it's only been 3 hours." 

"I just came downstairs, but why don't we go upstairs and I'll help distract you from what's bothering you." 

"Huh?" It's that obvious?-" I mean-" Well, no point in denying it, she supposed. For somebody who didn't always seem 100% all there all the time, he had a scary ability to pick up on her emotions. "What gave it away-my shitty mood, that is?" 

"You had a sad look in your eyes." Joseph never camouflaged or sugarcoated anything-he said whatever was on his mind whenever he felt like, and why not, Keiko figured. Standing at a few inches shy of 7 feet and weighing at least twice as much as she did, perhaps even close to three times that, with all of it being muscle, there weren't many people who want to trouble themselves to complain about it. "I know you probably don't wanna tell me why, but if you do, I'm willing to listen. But in the meantime, I'll offer to help in another way." 

I guess this counts as social interaction-"Well, since you're so generous, I'll take you up on that offer." Keiko was not many things more than shy-it was really her only defining trait outside of her academic intelligence, she thought in her darker moments. Joseph wasn't, though, and not only was he an extrovert, he was enough of an extrovert that just being around him was enough to catch some of it, Keiko finding less and less reason to clam up around him the more time they spent together. 

"See, I have good ideas sometimes." Keiko was plenty used to his (many and equally varied) eccentricities by now, but she still turned as red as a tomato when he gave her ass a squeeze after planting a kiss on her lips. "Hopefully you don't mind if I take you to your room, though, I was too lazy to clean mine yet." 

Joseph was not the type of person to tell lies, but when it benefited him, he left out certain parts of the truth, mainly in situations where telling it all would make Keiko worry (such as the fact that he had dipped into his secret stash last night and some of the evidence was still strewn across the room.) At any rate, Keiko hadn't bothered checking out his room yet, and thus remained in blissful ignorance of the needles, spoons, rolled-up dollar bills, and empty cough syrup bottles lying around on his floor, hardly making a peep until Joseph dumped her on her bed, wasting no time in pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the floor before pinning her down by holding both of her wrists. He didn't need to use force, and Keiko wasn't the type who liked it rough, so he held onto her wrists gently, his thumbs pressing down lightly on the palms of her hands. 

"I think-" Whether another idea occurred to him in the midst of the moment or he simply forgot whatever it was he was going to say (either was equally possible with him, Keiko realized,) Joseph cut off his own sentence, changing course right away. "Nah, never-mind." Being in charge of anything was more stress than it was worth for Keiko. She was a person who preferred to be behind the scenes, doing what needed to be done in the background away from the spotlight, preferring to remain unbothered by the pressure to take control. As a result, she assumed, it was really not all that surprising that she discovered she was content to let Joseph decide to do what he felt like doing to her for the most part. With that in mind, she did not object when he started kissing her up and down her legs, hiking her skirt up as he did so. 

"Were you going to say something?" Taking his general personality into account, Keiko still decided it was worth figuring out whatever was on his mind and thus went ahead and asked anyways, without pushing it too hard. "Not that you have to if you don't want to of course-" 

"Maybe." Joseph continued kissing her without any more pause than before. "But I forgot, so it must not have been a big deal." Bending down for another kiss, he continued without a fuss (aside from the one he was making over her, because she was always worth fussing over.) "You're so pretty, but I like the look on your face when I do this." 

Keiko had no time to react when he lifted her leg a little (the same one he had been kissing just a moment ago,) moving her in a position that allowed perfect access to slide his hand under her panties and finger her. He had long fingers-Keiko wasn't sure why that was the first though to go through her mind just then, but it was there nonetheless, and there she was, that hot feeling in her core thrumming as if it were being brought to life after being struck by lightning, her face flushing further and her heart skipping a few beats. 

Going straight in after sliding her panties off in one quick motion was a bit of an odd choice, but not entirely unexpected-the main thing to know about Joseph was that it was unreasonable to expect him to do normal things all the time. It was-if not blissful, then at least conducive to stirring the familiar heat blossoming deep in her core-she soon changed her mind however when he set her leg down, using his other hand to rub her clit. 

Different, but not unwelcome-I could get used to this, she thought, or at least she felt very much in favor of it continuing, as things like thinking fully formed, coherent thoughts, was starting to become a whole lot more difficult. She needn't have worried, however, as Joseph was not much in the mind-frame to be thinking a whole lot of coherent thoughts himself, his impatience giving way to another idea. 

"Already?" 

"Not quite-well, unless you want it." If she begged him for it, there was no doubt in her mind he wouldn't hesitate to spread her legs and fuck her without so much as another word. Patience wasn't really his thing, though Lord knows he tried for her sake, knowing it was especially important with her possibly more than anyone else. "Just lie still now."

"What is-ah-" Keiko couldn't finish her thought, the sentence being cut off by the sudden feeling of something much bigger than a finger rubbing against her clit. "Ah, I-" Tried as she might, she couldn't ask what he was doing, so she craned her neck to look, confirming what she assumed. 

His fingers were one thing, but this was quite another thing entirely-the warm, repetitive friction, intensified when he decided to stop and slap his cock against her aching pussy, making her vision start to blur. She hardly noticed the thin line of drool sliding down her cheek until Joseph shoved a few fingers inside her mouth, rubbing his cock against her pussy again. 

Sucking on his fingers almost without even meaning to, Keiko felt her legs quiver, her whole body taut like a coiled spring waiting to be released-in a sense, that's what was happening, after all, her body waiting and wanting for the release that seemed so close and yet so far away, the saliva that at first soaked his fingers evaporating as her mouth ran dry, her stomach tight as she felt her sense of self slip further and further away. 

"As much of a sight this is, I'd like to hear that pretty little voice of yours, so don't hold back, you can scream as loud as you want." Joseph told her (not that he really cared if she listened or not,) sliding her fingers out of her mouth. Before she knew it, his hands were on her waist, holding her down, letting go with one hand only long enough to guide his cock inside her, waiting until he sheathed himself inside as far as was comfortable for her before holding her down again. 

The spark of arousal that hit her just then, stoking the flames inside her into a full-on inferno, didn't go unnoticed by him, and he was never one to be shy about commenting on it. 

"Damn, you're so tight-" Joseph could barely breathe out a whole sentence, but he never let that stop him unless he was too far gone to try. "You feel so good around me it's like you were made for this." 

Keiko didn't bother commenting-why waste the energy-when Joseph pushed her down further, climbing on top of her completely until they were as close as possible. What the-oh. 

Oh. 

Is this-Keiko realized what he was doing only after he slammed balls-deep into her. She wasn't an expert on sex positions and hadn't seen nearly enough porn to have any clue what it was called, but Lord, did it feel good. Way too good, she thought, wrapping her arms as far around him as possible while he pounded into her, his arms on either side of her as he drilled into her again and again, his face buried as much into the crook of her neck as he could manage. 

"So, what do you think?" How he managed to talk at this point was beyond Keiko's understanding, but she didn't question it out loud. "You like it this way?" 

Keiko could barely remember where she was, let alone form whole, complete sentences, so she nodded hurriedly in response. 

"Well, that's good, because you feel amazing." Taking only a moment to breathe before continuing, his tone of voice remained the same (if not necessarily steady, given his heavy breathing,) "I should have tried this before." 

A few moans and soft cries were the only response Keiko could muster after that, clinging onto him as tightly as she could manage, whimpering now and then as the coil inside her threatened to-to-

With a rush of heat and wet, Keiko saw stars behind her eyes, her eyelids fluttering shut as her whole body shook, her legs as numb and wobbly as jelly and her skin hot all over, time seeming to pause until she felt a wave of hot, sticky warmth fill her, the sudden sensation was so distinctive and familiar as to be immediately recognizable for what it was. 

Lying on her own bed holding a pillow, as she could find no coherent reason to do anything else at the moment, Keiko's chest rose and fell, her face red and her body covered in sweat as Joseph went to get them both something to clean up with. Despite finding it almost impossible to summon the willpower to move, Keiko forced herself to anyways, taking a moment to use the bathroom and check her body for any bruises or scratches under better lighting before making it about halfway back to the bed, where Joseph caught her in his arms as she went limp. 

"You're good, there's nothing to worry about." He reassured her, holding her tight in his arms as he pulled a thin blanket over both of them. "You did great, by the way." 

Keiko could only bring herself to nod, too tired to do anything else. Her whole body was as wobbly as a wet noodle, with bone-deep exhaustion settling over her as she curled up in his arms. Being someone who was interested in various branches of science herself, Keiko respected the skill and experience of therapists (the ones that weren't batshit insane, of course,) but after her first therapy session that occurred in the middle of the apocalypse, Keiko had no trouble reaching the conclusion that this sure beat it by a mile. 

For once, Keiko wasn't surprised, which in itself was something of a surprise. This time, however, it was a surprise that was well worth it. Well worth it indeed, she decided, snuggling up in her own bed with the perfect company to keep her as warm and comfortable as possible.


	20. Slanky Janky Hanky Panky Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two friends help cheer up their other friend when life throws him some curve-balls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completely lost my mind because of *gestures around at everything vaguely* and I'm gonna make that everyone else's problem by writing about any random bullshit I feel like.

The slight breeze drifting through the open window was the only taste of the outside world Keiko had so far that day, having been busy cleaning and organizing her personal things while her friend Leila was busy with something (Keiko didn't pry and Leila was not the type to share.) It had been a lonely, depressing sort of day, which was no surprise, given the increase in zombie sightings and the arrival of a very unpleasant group of people in the next town over, who the locals were at odds with. 

Nowhere was really safe during the apocalypse, though, and not even really before that, if Keiko was being honest with herself. Thanks to a stroke of dumb luck (with emphasis on the dumb part of the equation,) Keiko, Leila, and Joseph happened to find a decently populated mid-sized town to shelter in for the time being. Their luck, however, came with a price, as the surrounding towns were less than pleasant places to be, and that was before a violet paramilitary group showed up and took over the largest of the towns, putting in place a string of rules and regulations that made life less and less tolerable as the days went on. 

Joseph had a string of menial manual-labor jobs, the kind that required so much back-breaking work that 9 out of every 10 men who were hired ended up injured or worse before they could make a dime, and there were enough former criminals and other dangerous people around that leaving your home for anything other than the most essential of trips was highly discouraged and since there were no jobs requiring any skill set that Keiko possessed, she stayed in the house most of the time. Well, it had been a decent week and a half before everything went to shit yet again, Keiko thought, staring out the window while she took a break from ironing some clothes. Leila was rejected for every job she applied for, as it was looked down upon for anyone besides men between the ages of 18 and 50 to seek work, as doing so was viewed as taking away jobs from those who needed them the most. This left Leila and Keiko with an abundance of free time that didn't really feel free in any meaningful way, and Joseph tired and miserable more waking hours than not. 

Sooner rather than later, they would have to find a way to leave, and do so without a trace, but first Joseph would have to earn enough money for them to afford a train ride out of this little fresh slice of hell they had found themselves in and starting wages for jobs was a measly 3 dollars an hour. Keiko sighed, gazing at the drab, depressing view outside-a bunch of shoddy, blocky looking buildings, some of them blown out beyond repair, trash and needles in the street, and a stray dog fighting with a raccoon over half a hot dog. 

"Hey, are these clothes clean?" 

"Huh?" 

It took a moment for Keiko to remember what Leila was referring to, turning around and remembering just as she did so about the clothes she had just washed and dried. Along the way, they had found some rather...interesting...articles of clothing in dumpsters, cars, and people's houses, and they had taken the more interesting ones just for the hell of it. Never know when you might find a use for something, after all. Leila in particular was always on the lookout for finding things they could sell to other people to make money, and given the state of everything, Keiko figured it was always good to have a little change to spare to pay for bribes and protection and whatever else they might find themselves needing should their luck turn south. 

"These clothes." Leila picked up one of the shirts on the table. 

"Oh, yeah, why do you ask?" 

Leila ignored her for a moment, rifling through the pile to pick out a lacy pink bra she spotted, fishing it out from under a layer of shirts and sweaters. "I have an idea." 

____

"Are you sure this looks okay?" Keiko was always the self-conscious type, but especially so when she was wearing nothing but a lacy pink bra with clear straps, lacy pink high-cut underwear that showed off most of her ass, and hot pink fishnet stockings that went all the way up to her thighs. 

"Positive." Leila did not mince words, even when she should have, and so Keiko could find no reason to assume she way lying. "Besides, it doesn't matter, he'll tear it off in 5 seconds anyways, you know how much of a horn-dog he is." 

Leila's personality and attitude was remarkably stable, even when she was wearing nothing but a pair of thong underwear the color of red wine and a cheap necklace that consisted of 5 layers of little round gold beads, the kind that people sometimes wore in Mardi-Gras festivals. Or had, before the government entertainment budget had to be cut because of out of control debt and inflation. No matter the circumstances they had been thrown in, Leila was able to keep her voice calm and her face neutral more times than not, camouflaging her emotions like a makeup artist could disguise physical imperfections on someone's skin. Keiko admired that about her, even if she felt it was something she herself could never achieve. Then again, she supposed it made sense. If she was a 6 foot tall woman who was stronger than most men, she supposed she wouldn't be quite as anxious either.

"Well, if you say so, I trust you." 

Leila smoothed out the thick fur blanket on the bed, grabbing one of the pillows that had fallen on the floor and tossing it in the middle of the bed. "To be honest I have no idea when Joseph will be home, so we might as well get comfortable." 

Keiko pursed her lips together, feeling indecisive but sitting on the edge of the bed anyways when Leila lied down. 

"He does have a pretty terrible job, doesn't he?" 

"He sure does, and that's why we're gonna cheer him up whenever he gets home." Leila added. "But if for some reason he's not home by dark, I might have to go out and find who's responsible for that and teach them a lesson. A permanent one, to be specific." 

Leila's voice did not change in tone or decibel level, but Keiko didn't like the look that flashed in her eyes. Of course, she couldn't blame her. But Keiko was not built the same way Leila was (or Joseph was, for that matter,) and had as of yet failed to develop a taste for violence. Keiko swallowed hard. Better not to think about it. 

"Well, I hope he'll be home soon." 

As if brought directly there by fate, Keiko and Leila heard the door click as someone unlocked it. 

"Here, lie down next to me." Leila could distinguish the sound of Joseph's footsteps from anyone else's since she was 12 and if for some reason she was ever wrong, she had a habit of stashing weapons in very unlikely places that she never told anyone else about. So far, it had never come to that, though. 

"Huh?" 

"I bet he'll get a kick out of this." 

Keiko realized what Leila was doing when the older girl wrapped an arm around her waist. Though it made her feel a bit self-conscious, she went along with it, reciprocating the gesture as Leila hooked her leg over her, wrapping it around her waist. 

If there was any residual doubt clinging to her mind, it soon vanished when Joseph walked in the room, the look in his eyes serving as undeniable evidence that he liked what he saw. 

"Did you lock the door?" 

Leila never forgot about safety, no matter how distracted everyone else around her was, something Keiko appreciated. 

"Of course." Keiko felt as if she were being examined under a microscope when Joseph's eyes scanned up and down her and Leila, which even she knew meant that he was all too glad about what he found. "I don't know what you two have been up to but you definitely got my attention."

"Good." Leila's expression didn't change, only the light in her eyes indicating any sense of emotion. "As for that, we just thought we'd help you cheer up since we're guessing you probably had a shitty day like all the rest of them since you got that shitty job." 

"Well, you're not wrong." 

Keiko could have sworn her heart leapt straight out of her throat when, after Joseph sat on the bed, reclining on one elbow while facing them, Leila picked her up, pulling her onto her lap, holding here there with a tight grip on her wrists. "So, what do you think? Tonight you can call the shots, just let us know what you'd like." 

Mind-reading was something Keiko always thought was bullshit, but for once, she felt it might not be such a far-fetched thing after all. 

"Where to start?" Joseph had his likes and dislikes just as most people did, but if there was anything to know about him, it was that where girls were concerned (especially having fun with them,) he wasn't picky. "I gotta say, I like the view, but I feel like something's missing." He shifted his position to get a better look at them, the same mischievous look in his eyes as the moment he first walked in to see them lying on the bed in each other's arms. 

"Like this?" Leila unhooked Keiko's bra (it was the kind that hooked in the front,) receiving exactly the kind of reaction she expected from Joseph when he got a good look at Keiko's round, perky breasts. Leila didn't have much to show herself above the waist, so even though Joseph thought her quite a catch, Leila figured she would get a better reaction out of Joseph by showing him something else. 

" Well, here I am. Sorry, it's kind of cold in here." Keiko apologized in a sheepish tone of voice as she shrank back, finding that the air in the room was a little too cool and it only felt even cooler when Leila unhooked her bra. 

Joseph wore a tell-tale smirk on his face, indicating nothing less than an 100% approval rate for what he saw. "Aw, don't worry about that, I'll help you warm up soon enough." 

"Let me know if this hurts." Leila told Keiko as she gently grabbed her breasts from behind, lifting them up a bit to make them look bigger. "Otherwise just stay still for a moment." 

It wasn't painful, so Keiko did what she was told, the blush on her face soon distracting her from the cool air in the room. "You doing okay?" Leila asked her. 

"Yeah, I'm okay." 

Leila was careful not to do anything that might cause her any pain, knowing that her friend was much smaller and more delicate than she was, wearing a pleased expression on her face when she noticed Joseph had an obvious boner that was not at all hidden by his jeans.

"You look good no matter what, but I gotta say, pink is definitely your color." Joseph commented-he was far from fashion conscious where he himself was concerned, but he could certainly appreciate how it made other people look. "I'd tear off your clothes myself but it seems like I've been beaten to the job."

"Does this hurt at all?" Leila asked Keiko, squeezing her breasts a little. She was as cautious and gentle as possible with her friend, using barely any amount of her strength, as if she were holding a ripe piece of fruit with paper-thin skin. 

"No, it's fine." 

"Good." Leila turned her attention back to Joseph, still squeezing Keiko's breasts. "If you're that impatient, then why don't you come over here and help me?" Leila asked him, letting go of one of Keiko's breasts for a moment to rip off her cheap underwear (originally $5.99 in the clearance bin of a department store, then free with the five-finger discount after it was found in someone's garage hanging on a headless mannequin.) 

The rush of cool air between Keiko's legs made her squeak in shock, the blush on her face turning darker as Joseph sat down right in front of her with his legs crossed, pulling down her stockings himself while Leila held her firmly in her lap. Noticing that she accidentally placed her foot on the outline of his dick poking through his jeans, Keiko swallowed hard, her face burning while Joseph, holding on to her foot for a moment as he brought it up to his mouth to kiss it, undid his belt and tossed his jeans on the floor after throwing the belt off the side of the bed. 

"Alright, time to get things going." Leila said, unhooking her own cheap necklace and tossing it on the floor. "Although coming from my lazy ass, that doesn't mean much but whatever." 

Leila was not the type to keep secrets unless she felt like it, and thus Joseph and Keiko were well aware of her voyeuristic tendencies. Laziness was part of it, but finding it easier to be bothered rather than turned on by a significant amount of stimulation, plus a tendency to suffer from sensory overload much easier than other people, also played into it. That, and though her feelings for other people were no less strong or sincere than anyone else's her own interest in sex was limited solely to appreciating a decent orgasm now and then, and most of the time, she was content to give herself orgasms rather than depend on someone else to do it. 

"I just thought of something." Keiko admitted, her voice showing signs of worry. "You don't think we'll break the bed with all three of us being on it at the same time?" 

"Nah, I passed out here drunk one night while holding an axe, fell right over like a tree in the forest-bed didn't even shake at all. If that didn't do it, this won't." Joseph reassured her, climbing on top of her to kiss her all up and down her body. 

Leila, who left to get everyone something to drink for later, came back to Joseph holding Keiko on top of him with a hand on her ass while the other was playing with her soft pink hair. 

"What'd I miss?" 

"Nothing-or not much, anyways." Keiko replied, squeaking when Joseph kissed her on the cheek. 

"Here, why don't you hold her for a second, I just got an idea." Joseph said, the grin on his face painting a perfect picture of his current state of mind. 

As easy to read as a book, Leila thought, holding Keiko in her arms when Joseph handed her to him. Though all three of them were very different people, Leila felt more comfortable around Joseph and Keiko than she did around anyone else, and her instincts never lied to her. Whatever that said about her, she didn't care. Finding people she could be herself around was a challenge, and when she could relax around other people, she treasured that more than anything. 

"Looks like you've been getting all worked up." It was obvious enough that there was no real need to point it out, but Leila didn't concern herself with things like that.

"Well, with a view like this, it's hard not to." Leila knew what was coming, but did absolutely nothing to prevent it. "Get it, hard-" 

"Yeah, yeah, we get it, no need to lay it on that thick." Joseph's sense of humor left something to be desired, as well as his unfortunate attachment to finding any and every excuse to squeeze in bad puns wherever he could, but Leila didn't hold it against him, as her own sense of humor was a different but equally unfortunate kind of fucked up.

Keiko was never the most calm and composed of people, but she swore she felt her stomach leap out of her throat, run away, and start a new life in the witness protection program when Joseph eased himself between her legs, poking her clit with his cock. Somehow, despite it being a favorite way of his to tease her, she never got used to it, finding that it sparked the same familiar sort of heat inside her as it always did, her whole body trembling in anticipation of whatever was going to come next. 

"Try not to scream too loud-" Joseph paused for the smallest fraction of a second before continuing. "Well, actually, I don't mind if you do, but you know how the neighbors are around here." 

Keiko knew Joseph wouldn't hurt her on purpose, so she tried her best to stay still, breathing hard as Joseph teased her hole with the tip of his cock while he fingered Leila. Though he was by no means wasting his time, Leila managed to hold onto Keiko without any trouble even as Joseph finger-banged her roughly, thrusting a few fingers inside her before rubbing her clit roughly, just the way she preferred it. Leila was not one to waste time for any reason, and thus appreciated it when other people respected her wishes.

Sweating and panting a little, Keiko hardly noticed what was happening until Joseph had already sheathed himself inside her, his dick scraping her walls so deliciously it was all she could do to hold back a moan. Her face scrunched up a little, she held onto Leila tightly, her eyes closed for a moment until she adjusted to the feeling of being filled so fully and completely, heat enveloping every part of her body. 

"Dammit, you're so tight." The sound of her own blood rushing in her ears was so intense, Keiko hardly noticed his voice. 

He was so big, it was hard to focus on anything else, all her sense blending together in some kind of strange, primordial soup, some odd combination of heat and light and sound that seemed to swallow up everything else, leaving her stuck in some strange semi-real world, stuck in some odd, in between state of consciousness that left her unaware and uncaring of anything happening outside the room they were currently in. 

Shifting into a different position, Joseph, with some help from Leila, flipped Keiko over so she was facing him, holding her legs against him as he thrust into her with a dry grunt, his face scrunched up a little at the slight change in sensation this new position gave him. Leila, watching without a noticeable change in expression, held onto Keiko just as tightly as before, enjoying the sight in front of her (or above her, rather,) as calmly and easily as if she were watching a movie. 

Gasping in a soft voice, Keiko felt her heart skip a beat when Joseph, who had one hand grabbing one of her breasts, shoved a few fingers on his other hand into her mouth. "Mm-" A slight moan made its way out of her mouth despite it being filled with his fingers, a shock-wave of heat blossoming in her lower abdomen as she sucked on his fingers. Without loosening her hold on her, Leila brushed some of Keiko's hair out of her face, tucking a few of the loose, curly strands behind her ear as Joseph increased the pace of his thrusts, rocking his hips back and forth as if it were as natural and instinctual as breathing. 

"I can't speak for you since you're not the one facing her, but Keiko has the cutest face when I do this-" Joseph said, unperturbed by Leila's delay of several seconds before deciding to respond. 

"Well, she does have a cute face." 

Taking only a moment to digest her response, Joseph regarded her with an expression that betrayed a brief but notable glimpse of thoughtfulness. "I knew there was a reason I trust your judgment." All the while, he had been plowing away without interruption, leaving Keiko a hot, sweaty, disheveled mess, thrusting away without a care in the world. 

Letting go of her breast to rub at her clit, Joseph could hear the blood pounding in his ears as Keiko clenched around him, so lost in whatever he was thinking that he hardly noticed Leila grabbing Keiko's breast to replace his hand that had been there just moments before. 

Leila was by no means the most cognizant of other people's thoughts, feelings, and desires, but a small part of her brain told her it would be a good idea, and she went with it. Though the sight of breasts didn't do much for her, Leila couldn't deny that Keiko's breasts felt nice and soft and squeezing them was oddly intriguing. In truth, most of what appealed to Leila made no sense to her, but she never thought it worth the time to examine her own feelings too much. She liked what she liked, and that was good enough for her. 

Finding herself unable to hold back any longer, with her thighs trembling and her whole body covered in a thin layer of sweat, Keiko clenched hard around Joseph after a particularly deep, well-timed thrust on his part, one that brushed against her throbbing clit at the same time he happened to press his thumb down on it just right, her whole body tensing and then going limp as she saw stars flash behind her eyes, the whole world disappearing for several heartbeats as the white-hot flash of light drowned out everything else, a muffled moan passing her lips as Joseph gave out a few last thrusts before following shortly behind her. With a rush of unmistakable liquid heat rushing through her, coating her walls and some of it spilling out of her stretched-out pussy, Keiko blinked a handful of times before the bright white light faded away, her senses returning to her as she became aware of her surroundings once again. 

"Enjoyed yourself, I take it?" Leila reached over to grab a glass of water, chugging the entire thing in one go without waiting for Joseph to respond after he lifted Keiko off of Leila, setting her down on the bed next to her. 

"Of course." Joseph brushed some of Keiko's hair out of her face, noting with amusement how pretty her face was when it was all red from her being fucked so hard. "I could pass out if I move wrong right now-" Joseph stopped to take a breath, "-so I'm gonna save myself the trouble and pass out right here so I can be nice and comfy-" 

No sooner than Joseph curled up besides Keiko, Leila watched with a deadpan expression as the two of them passed out immediately, disheveled and covered in sweat. 

Leila shrugged, heading off to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom to take a shower. Having no social skills and limited empathy had its share of problems, some of them leading to nothing short of morbid and horrific consequences, but as long as her friends didn't have to suffer for it, it didn't bother her. Sometimes I do have good ideas, she thought, stepping into the shower as her friends slept curled up in each other's arms a few feet away.


	21. Meet Me At the Combination Dashcon Ballpit/Fight Club

The rain outside was so loud, Keiko could hear it hit the aluminum roof of the shitty re-constructed shack she was currently living in (whether it could really be called living was a philosophical debate for another time, specifically one where she wasn't so distracted.) Keiko didn't hate the rain as long as there wasn't a thunderstorm outside, but it did make it really hard to concentrate when she was trying to read. In that case, she decided when Joseph expressed interest in fucking her ass quite literally (as in, between the cheeks as opposed to going through the back door, so to speak,) Keiko figured "why not?" The book was pretty good, though, and despite herself, she couldn't ignore her urge to finish it. 

"Manatees are large, slow-moving animals that frequent coastal waters and rivers. These attributes make them vulnerable to hunters seeking their hide, oil, and bones-" 

Keiko's ability to read (silently inside her own head, of course, even she wasn't so crass as to read out loud while her kind of-sort of-not really boyfriend was fucking her) the next paragraph was yanked away from her as, while Joseph thrust especially hard, his hands digging into her hips, causing Keiko to let go of the book, losing the page she was on in the process. Perhaps it was time to find a good bookmark. 

"Hey, Joseph, can you go a bit slower?" 

Joseph, breathing heavily and covered in a thin layer of sweat, glanced down at her when she twisted around to make eye contact with him. "Oh, yeah, sorry about that." 

Keiko clutched her book close with one hand, flipping through the pages until she found where she left off while Joseph went back to fucking her. If anyone had told her this was something she'd be doing as an adult (or close enough to it,) when she was a child, she likely would have flung herself off a cliff. Though, to be fair, living with her mother made her want to throw herself off a cliff more often than not. Joseph, for all the weird things he did, like drink Listerine straight from the bottle, chew up her food for her when she had a toothache and spit it in her mouth like a mother bird, kill several dozen men with a heavy machine gun without ever firing a single shot, and tie up a gang of pedophiles upside-down on a tree branch and roast them alive by setting a fire under them just inches from their heads, at least didn't strengthen the suicidal urges that haunted her from time to time. 

"Not only do you have the cutest face." Joseph breathed, his voice not too much more strained than normal, though if Keiko were to turn and look, she would find his eyebrows knit together from the exertion, "You have the cutest little body too." 

"You always say that." 

Squeezing her ass a little, Joseph kept on thrusting at the same steady, moderate pace, nothing that would knock anyone's socks off, but hey, a nut was a nut and as long as Keiko felt okay, he didn't care about anything else. 

"That's because it's true." 

Joseph did a lot of things, but one thing he never wasted time on was mincing words. He said what he meant and meant what he said, and in comparison to many other people Keiko had dealt with, it was refreshing, even if sometimes it was nothing more than not having to waste time trying to decode what he really meant. Everything that came out of his mouth was as honest and unfiltered as it got, whether it was polite, vulgar, or anything else. 

"Well, then, I appreciate your honesty." It was all Keiko could do to clutch the book in her hand while Joseph thrust again and again, his hips slamming into her ass each and every time, her heart threatening to leap out of her throat when a low growl escaped his lips. 

He was unusual to be sure and didn't make much of an attempt to hide the crass, vulgar parts of his personality, but not only did he think the world of her, he never failed to show it, always stepping up when it mattered the most, never making her feel like she was boring or stupid or unwanted. It was more than she could ever say about her mother, the only living relative she had left in the last few years before the world ended. 

With both of his hands now grabbing her ass, squeezing the plush, soft flesh in his rough, calloused hands, Joseph concentrated on making the most out of every thrust he gave, slamming against her with a little more force rather than increasing the speed at all. Though he wasn't able to focus enough to pay attention to whether she was still holding her book or not, he used what mental clarity he had to make sure she didn't look too distressed. He did have some weird ideas, after all, and not everyone was open to them. 

"Mmh, fuck-" Somehow, against all odds, Keiko was still reading her book, but that didn't stop Joseph from taking a moment to give her ass a little jiggle. It wasn't the biggest ass he had seen (or the easiest to jiggle,) but that never stopped Joseph before and it sure as hell wasn't gonna start now. "I don't know why I haven't thought of this before, but I'm glad I did now." 

During the wide, diverse variety of clusterfucks Keiko had found herself embroiled in during the apocalypse, Joseph had long since ceased to be the weirdest thing in her life, but still, she couldn't help but marvel at the level of stamina he had. She was already 15 pages into her book and he was still going like he was doing something as easy and routine as driving (he was a shit driver but that was besides the point, and considering his background, Keiko could not fault him for not knowing how to operate a motor vehicle.) 

Though her book was quite engaging, Keiko still found herself curious about something, so she wiggled her ass a little, squeezing her legs together as tightly as possible and finding herself more than a little surprised when she noticed how wet she got when he moaned in a low, rumbling voice. It wasn't unusual for him, not at all, but somehow Keiko had never quite gotten used to how easy it was for him to get a reaction out of her. 

About 17 pages into her book, Keiko squeaked in a small voice, her eyes widening when Joseph smacked her ass-not as hard as he would have with most girls, but it was enough to jerk her attention away from a paragraph about manatee breeding habits, the irony of the situation catching her attention for the first time. There she was, reading about how animals mated while she herself was getting some dick (in a roundabout sort of way,) the sudden, palpable comedy of it all hitting her like a truck, but only for a moment-when Joseph thrusted a few more times, he pulled her closer to him without warning, her round, perky ass slamming against his hips with a thwack sound that rang in Keiko's ears just long enough for her to forget where she had left off on the last page she was on. 

I give up-17 pages wasn't too bad, she supposed, Joseph's hips slamming against her ass over and over with nothing more than a few grunts and groans from him, the speed and pace of his hips growing less stable with each thrust until she felt something hot and sticky land on her back-probably would be a good idea to do some laundry later, she thought as Joseph slapped his cock on her ass one last time, one hand still holding onto her ass as he took the time to get a good look at his handiwork. 

"Sorry I forgot you were wearing a shirt." Joseph said as she pulled off her shirt, as the back of it was now covered in cum. Her clothes had seen much worse. His eyes were firmly fixed on her boobs, which were now covered by nothing but a simple beige bra. 

"I could have taken it off, I was just too cold." Keiko replied, her face still a little red. 

Joseph wasn't the type to judge people too quickly (except for rich people, Nazis, and animal abusers,) but he felt he had never been so right about anyone as he was about Keiko. She sure is a smart girl, he thought, giving her a mischievous look as he pinned her down on the bed underneath him. "Well, in that case, let me help you warm up." 

Keiko clutched his hair, staring at the ceiling and hardly noticing a thing about it while Joseph spread her thighs, burying his head between her legs. Perhaps the laundry could wait a little while, she thought, her small fingers threading through his dark red hair as she closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A link to some of what Keiko was reading, shamelessly taken from a random National Geographic article: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/group/manatees/


	22. You Don't Have To Worry About The Abyss Looking Into You If You're Scarier Than The Abyss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory content warning for some violence and gore, skip this chapter if that's not something you're comfortable with.

"Hey, cutie! Nice ass you got there!" 

Leila ignored the man, continuing to walk. She noticed a crow perched in a nearby tree, caw-ing as she passed by. While doing so, she took a moment to appreciate the way the sunlight reflected off of its smooth, shiny black feathers. 

"Aw, come on, I was just saying hi." 

The man had moved 20 paces closer to her. Leila turned around. His heartbeat was erratic and rapid, though he didn't seem to be intoxicated on on drugs. God, he was hideous. He smelled of maggots and rotting flesh. Fat and balding, he looked to be around 50 winters old, if what Leila knew about the inhabitants of this country held true. 

"Why don't you come over here and suck my dick?" 

Kneeling over him, Leila squeezed his throat harder as the life left his eyes, the man sputtering as a pinkish foam bubbled from his mouth. Not too hard, or else his blood vessels and bones would pop and crack, leaving quite a mess behind. Leila took a deep breath, hearing the sound of her own heartbeat ring in her ears for several moments until his heart stopped, his eyes glazing over as he stopped struggling. Leila dragged his body into the woods, leaving it for the animals-though she wasn't sure if they would consider him a suitable meal. 

Afterwards, Leila finished heading back to the house she shared with Joseph and Keiko, the two people she held most dear and close to her heart, save for her father. Once she made it back, Leila went outside on the back porch, which was enclosed only by some kind of screen covering. 

There, after taking out a knife she kept especially for this purpose and sterilizing it by holding it over a small fire she started in the fire pit, Leila made a small, neat cut across her left palm, balling her hand into a fist and letting a few drops of blood drop into the flames. Though Leila knew nothing of what the inhabitants of this country called religion and thus did not have a reliable understanding of what it meant, her father had passed on to her the beliefs of their ancestors, which had been held by them since their earliest days, and as she had adopted those beliefs, Leila figured it was only in her best interest to make an appropriate sacrifice to the gods when it was deemed necessary. 

Making a silent prayer, one that no one but the gods heard-if they chose to listen-Leila then put out the fire, heading inside to clean her wound and wash up. After doing so, Leila figured it was probably a good idea to let her friends know that she had returned from her scouting mission, though all she had to bring back was bad news. Finding that the door to Keiko's room was open and nobody was in it and the same held true for the bathroom, Leila could only assume they were in Joseph's room. Hearing the faint sound of some sighs, moans, and some grunting, along with the creak of a creaky door, Leila had no trouble realizing what was happening. Keiko saw her before she could walk away, though, and froze, though Joseph didn't care, holding onto Keiko just as tightly as before except for a brief moment where he pushed some of her hair out of her face. 

"Oh, hey, you're back." Joseph didn't slow down at all, not that Leila expected him to, knowing what she knew about him. 

"You should maybe consider shutting the door when you plan to do this." she admonished him, not that she bothered to change her tone of voice to indicate any displeasure. 

"I did, the door's creaky and doesn't stay shut sometimes though." Though it was obvious they had been busy for quite some time before she showed up, Joseph, true to form, did not seem particularly tired, and kept on fucking Keiko, who somehow turned even redder than she had been, just as hard as before. "You wanna join?" 

"I'm good, thanks." Leila replied. "I'm gonna go make something to eat. I'll make enough for leftovers." 

Keiko, who somehow managed to turn even more beet red than she already had been just a few moments ago, felt more uncomfortable than most when caught in an embarrassing or vulnerable moment than most, which unfortunately for her, seemed to happen much more often than she would have liked. It wasn't that she was uncomfortable around Leila-the two of them were closer than almost anyone and besides, it wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked enough times before. That, however, did not stop Keiko from being as easily startled as she was, and she froze still in Joseph's arms until Leila had shut the door behind her. 

"I don't know what will give me a heart attack first." Keiko breathed, her voice shaky. "That creaky door or this city that we're stuck in now." 

Joseph, who remained undisturbed, bent his head down to kiss Keiko on the forehead, stopping the repeated slamming of his hips against her ass while they were both lying on their side for just a moment. "You don't have to waste your time worrying about any of that." he told her. "As long as I'm still alive-and still me, of course-I won't let anything happen to you." 

The sentiment was genuine, but even the most genuine, heartfelt declaration of noble intentions wouldn't do shit to save Keiko from her own anxiety, but there was no need to bring that up just now, so she lied there just as before, allowing herself to go limp in his arms yet again. 

Some time later, after making-Keiko wasn't quite sure what the name for it was, only that Leila had made it before and it tasted pretty good-Leila, Keiko, and Joseph all sat on Joseph's bed together (as it was the largest bed in the house,) looking up at the weird window in the ceiling while they ate. 

"So what happened when you went scouting?" Keiko asked, setting her spoon down in her bowl. "Did you find anything?" 

Leila allowed herself a moment to blink before responding. The man she killed was by far not even close to being the worst thing she saw, but it wouldn't do to mention that to Keiko. 

"You didn't happen to find any more food?" Joseph phrased it as more of a statement than a question, but Leila answered anyways. 

"I didn't. It's pretty empty outside of this neighborhood, didn't even find an empty grocery store or an abandoned hospital."

"That's unusual." Keiko never went scouting and-for good reason-was never asked to. Still, this strange, gloomy city was surprisingly empty. Only one house out of 20 had lights on after dark and there were rarely more than 2 or 3 people on the streets at any given time. Most of their food came from hunting and gathering, something Keiko left to her friends because they were better at it than she was and given her knowledge, they deemed it unwise to put her in harm's way if it could be avoided at all costs, with the only business around was some kind of coffee shop/pseudo-convenience store where people bartered for random goods they found that happened to be located next to a semi-functional gas station, though Keiko never recalled seeing more than a handful of cars. 

Still, though their long-term prospects here weren't good, there was a certain comfort in being in a sturdy, well-built house surrounded by a tall, strong fence with her friends. She had seen-and experienced-much worse, after all. 

"Looks like I'll have to go hunting again soon. Not like there's much else to do around here, so I can't say I mind all that much." Joseph added, pulling Keiko and Leila closer to him. "At least the company is good, though. 

"I can't argue with that." Leila conceded. "And that's coming from me." 

Leila was by and large not a touchy-feely sort of person (some would say antisocial, but Keiko, giving her the benefit of the doubt, thought of her as just shy, albeit in a different way than she herself was.) That didn't stop Leila from leaning to rest her head on Keiko's shoulder as Joseph pulled her into his lap, the three of them staring up at the stars dotting the sky through the weird ceiling window. 

Life after the world ended was a special brand of shitty, even compared to how shitty it was before the end of the world, but it was not, perhaps, Keiko thinking to herself as she sat there with her friends observing the beauty of nature in a relatively warm and cozy spot, the worst thing in the history of things after all. 


	23. Urefined Actions Performed At A Low Price

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever horrors may lurk on cable news, they're nothing compared to what's lurking behind the dumpster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No news stations were harmed in the writing of this chapter.

It was quiet when Keiko turned on the shower, the kind of quiet that wasn't bad, per se, but it gave off the stark indication that, sooner or later, it would be interrupted by something horrible. Whatever the case, personal hygiene could not be skimped out on, and Keiko turned on the shower, stepping in and grabbing the shower gel on the shower caddy. 

"Oh-" 

The shower-head, which was not as attached to the wall as it should have been, fell out of its holder, spraying a forceful stream of water right between her legs. 

"Hello and welcome to the 5 o'clock evening news on the Central News Network, in other words, we have breaking news today-" 

The TV screen (there was a TV installed in every room of the house except for the closets and couldn't be removed,) started blaring the evening news, as it always did from 5 to 6 pm. It was punishable by a 550 year prison sentence and/or instant violent death to try to turn it off during that time, so Keiko accepted her fate, lying on the floor of the shower after trying and failing to pick up the detachable shower head, sweating and panting and doing her best to ignore the evening news. 

Just another day in paradise. If a stray tear happened to fall on the shower floor (which happened to be made of ugly plastic tiles,) it made no difference, sliding down the drain with the rest of the water.) 

______

"Hello, and welcome to the 5 o'clock evening news, this is the Central News Network, tonight, on breaking news-" 

"You know, they can't take you to prison if you can run fast enough to not get caught." Joseph, who was currently holding the detachable shower-head in one hand and Keiko in the other, mused, the TV blaring as it always did. 

He really hated the news, but he supposed there were some upsides to living in-

In-

Well, he forgot what the name of the city was. But also, he didn't care, which was why he didn't bother to remember. 

24 hours after Keiko's accidental shower discovery, somehow, she found herself in (almost) the exact same position, the water from the shower-head hitting her pussy, but this time on purpose, and she wasn't lying on the ugly plastic tile but rather was being held firmly in Joseph's lap. Nice and warm, but a little too tight.

"Joseph?" It was more of a pathetic sounding squeak than an actual question, but it wasn't like he was watching the news. 

"Yeah?" 

"Too tight-" 

He let got a little, loosening his grip but still holding the shower-head in the same angle. It wasn't her idea, not originally, but then she realized she usually took a shower around the same time every day so might as well-she could clean up right after. Nevertheless, somehow it felt different when he was the one holding it as opposed to when it had just been lying on the floor before she had become brave enough to pick it up herself. 

You learn strange new things every day, she supposed, not that she was really pondering much of anything at the moment. Besides being rather nice and warm, Joseph also held the shower-head so close to her it was almost touching and turned the water settings on as high as it would go. 

____

"Well, it's kind of a waste of water." she half-heartedly mentioned when he suggested the idea. 

"Yeah. We don't have to pay the bills though." He paused for a moment, but Keiko knew it wasn't to say something profound or meaningful. "And fuck this city, if we have to stay here, might as well use it-I'd love to see the look on those stupid rich bastard's faces if their sprinklers for their stupid golf courses run out of water." 

____

Somehow, they had ended up in the rich part of the city, not that Keiko was overly concerned about remembering how it had happened just then. She was pretty distracted, and not because of the shitty cable news. 

This wasn't such a bad way to start off a shower, she figured, her eyes squeezed shut and her head thrown back. She could feel herself twitch a little, her muscles tensing due to her urge to squirm around, not that she could with Joseph holding her so tightly. He had choked people twice her size to death with one hand without breaking a sweat before, so she wasn't exactly shocked. High water pressure really was something. 

Blinking a few times when she found herself re-connecting with reality, she noticed the water had stopped flowing, though Joseph was clicking the button that was meant to turn it on. 

"And that concludes the nightly news for the central news network, everyone tune back in with us at 5 p.m tomorrow, thank you for watching!" the overly cheery newscaster chirped before the TV shut itself off. 

Joseph and Keiko shared a look with each other that, had an onlooker been observing, they wouldn't have been able to describe it very accurately. 

"Hey, at least we don't own this place." Joseph figured. He was right, but they both knew they were in deep shit. "Anyways, you wanna suck my dick?" 

Keiko blinked. Maybe once, maybe twice, all she knew was that she blinked. 

Might as well, she figured, bending down to go for it. 

Somewhere behind the dumpster, inconveniently located somewhere behind the house they were staying in, something twisted and hideous beyond the comprehension of those races of sentient beings that walked the Earth, slithered out of its hole, as soaking wet as a Maine Coon cat caught in a rainstorm and just as angry.


	24. A Rainy Day Is A Terrible Thing to Waste

Rain wasn't too uncommon and compared to some of what came out of the sky, it was positively non-threatening. Most of the time. 

Sometimes it was boring though, not being able to go outside. 

"What are you doing?" Keiko asked Leila, who stripped down to just her underwear-a pair of panties and a spaghetti strap tank top. 

It made sense that Leila didn't wear a bra, but Keiko felt cold just looking at her. "Going outside." 

"It's raining though-" 

"I know." 

Keiko wasn't quite sure what, exactly, made her walk outside with Leila, but she was glad she did. 

Most of the time, they were too busy trying to stay alive, so just being able to run around and forget about everything felt good for a while. Keiko had never been allowed to play with other kids often as a child, so she supposed she might as well make it up now that her mother was gone. Though Keiko wasn't as agile or coordinated as Leila, she only tripped once, getting up again when Leila offered her a hand, both of them getting soaking wet in the rain. 

Relaxing in general was something Keiko had never really gotten used to for multiple, all equally fucked up reasons, but Leila didn't judge her for it. She understood all too well, after all, as Keiko had discovered after the two of them had gotten to know each other better. So even if they were squatting in some rich person's abandoned house and running around their acre-wide backyard in the pouring rain, Keiko felt better than she remembered feeling in a while. Time seemed to slow down for a while, all her stress melting away, then floating off like it had never existed in the first place. 

The mud on the ground was the only uncomfortable thing, but Keiko hardly noticed at all, even when she tripped a second time, Leila tumbling down after her. They lied there for a while, Leila holding Keiko on top of her while they both stared up at the angry grey clouds in the sky, noticing that for once everything seemed still. Calm and and quiet and peaceful, at least ignoring the sound of the rain. Keiko never remembered feeling like this before, but she didn't mind one bit. 

"Okay, now I'm really cold." Keiko curled up to conserve her body heat, feeling herself start to shiver a little. 

"We can go inside." Leila offered, lifting Keiko off of her before helping her up. 

A few minutes later, after they were inside and changed into clean, warm clothes, they both curled up on the couch together, each of them reading a different book. Until Joseph showed up, they had only the pouring rain outside and the crackling fire in the fireplace inside to keep them company. 

"Oh, you're home-" Keiko hardly had time to finish a complete thought when Joseph plopped down on the couch, hauling them both into his lap. 

He could have picked up five of them without breaking a sweat, but even if it had been otherwise, Keiko never would have noticed, because he was too wet from the rain. 

"Good thing this house was abandoned or else the owner would kill you for destroying the couch." Leila mentioned. "You know how gross this kind of fancy furniture gets if somebody even looks at it the wrong way." 

"Good point." Joseph glanced over at the fireplace, then got up, taking off his jacket and shirt and tossing them on the floor (he at least had the good sense to take off his shoes when he first walked in because even he knew better than to walk around the house in shoes.) 

Leila was torn between focusing on the blush that spread across Keiko's face or the fact that Joseph was wet even under his clothes. Never a dull moment with these two-she picked up her book, plus the one Keiko had been reading, and put them away. Joseph had already picked up Keiko and started kissing her face by the time Leila made herself comfortable wrapping herself up in a blanket on the floor. Despite being away from home for so long, Leila still wasn't quite used to sitting on couches. 

"What?" Leila was known for many things, but being affectionate wasn't one of them. 

Still, that didn't mean she refused to hug anybody. She just saved hugs for people she thought deserved them, and so far, Joseph and Keiko were the only people who made it on that list. 

"Sorry to ruin the moment, but I'm still cold." Keiko said. 

"Hey, nothing to apologize about, I know just how to fix that." Joseph was nothing if not unusual, but he was consistent. Especially with anything that had to do with cute girls. 

"It gets cold when it rains sometimes." To tell the truth, Leila was used to much different weather, but this was nothing like back home-here, the rain made everything cold if it rained long enough, and she still wasn't quite used to that. Like many other things, though, having the right friends around helped with it a lot. 

In addition, having the right friends was more amusing than being alone, even if Leila enjoyed being alone more often than most people. Keiko's face was brighter than her hair, even her ears were tinged pink with the blush on her face as Joseph held her tight in one arm, his hand resting firmly on her ass, squeezing a little. "Well, we got a while, how about we take advantage of it?" 

"Well, that's pretty solid logic, I suppose." Keiko was too shy by half, but Leila found no fault in it. Aside from being quiet, she was also kind-gentle and sweet, with a thoughtful, good-natured personality that always allowed her to see the best in people. 

Leila was rarely able of seeing the best in people herself, but she tried not to dwell on it too much. Somebody had to indulge in a measured amount of cynicism once in a while to balance things out, she supposed. As long as her friends were happy, Leila figured she could deal with finding the world a bit more unpleasant than most other people did.

\----

The rain had been refreshing at first, then it had been cold. Now it was soothing, Keiko thought, the gentle sound of the raindrops pattering on the roof calming her mind and easing her worries. Of course, it helped that she was resting on a pile of blankets and pillows while Joseph fucked her and Leila was lying next to her. Oh, and the fire in the fireplace helped some too. Keiko didn't know much more than the basic mechanics of sex and why people did it before meeting them both, but they didn't mind. To them, it made no difference whether she had been with one person or a hundred before them-it just wasn't something they cared about and while Keiko found it quite an odd contrast from the way her mother had raised her, it was intriguing, to have such an open, easy-minded attitude towards sex and all things related. 

Lying with her head pressed back against the pillows, Keiko grit her teeth when she first felt Joseph thrust inside her. Sometimes it hurt a bit through no fault of his own-if anyone went through the trouble to make sure the woman he was with was prepared, it was him, and there was no way to forget it. Keiko had learned that much in a-when she looked back on it, a rather short time. But that was all relative, she supposed. He knew what he was doing, but Keiko was feeling a bit impatient, mostly with her own body's refusal to cooperate as quick as she would have liked. It often took a moment or a few for the slight initial pain to morph into pleasure, so Keiko only froze for a moment in surprise when Leila squeezed her hand. 

"Here, if you want, I can help." Keiko was too shy to be blunt, so she appreciated that Leila was able to do what she couldn't. 

"Oh-uh, sure-go ahead." she breathed, swallowing hard when she felt Leila start rubbing her clit. Thankfully she kept her fingernails short-Keiko once learned herself the hard way how things could go wrong if she touched herself without making sure her nails were trimmed short enough first. 

Feeling a bit selfish, Keiko stretched her arm out halfway, pausing for a moment. She wasn't very good at it, but-

The awkward feeling faded as Leila grabbed her hand. "Hey, it's fine, I'm doing the same thing to you, it's not like I'm gonna complain." Joseph had been thrusting two fingers inside Leila while he was fucking Keiko and Leila figured this would be just the thing to make her feel even better. 

Many people considered Keiko to be an intelligent person. Some were even intimidated by her level of knowledge in certain areas and her affinity for picking up on new information faster than anyone else. None of that, however, helped Keiko with her one greatest failing-her inability to carry on an engaging conversation. Sometimes other people had tried to befriend her, of course. Some of them sat down and chatted with her or asked her about her day or expressed an interest in getting to know her in some capacity or another. Keiko was never anything less than polite, but each and every time she talked to people, especially those she didn't know well, her stomach tightened and her muscles tensed and she felt a horrible prickly feeling on her skin, like a hedgehog climbing all over her. Her palms got clammy and her mouth got dry and her head felt weird and tight, making her feel like she couldn't settle right into her own body. 

Sometimes, when it was all too much, she wondered what to do. And sometimes, she didn't do anything. Like now. Especially now. And in situations like now. Trying to carry on a conversation outside of sex was bad enough, the stress of doing it while having sex was too much for her. Like many other situations, though, having the right friends helped a lot. Leila and Joseph did a lot of weird things. Sometimes people even referred to them as weird things. But one thing they never did was judge Keiko for all the things that made her herself, even the awkward and embarrassing things. It was more than she could say about a lot of other people, especially her mother. But now, Keiko was above ground and her mother, perhaps, wasn't. That alone made all the difference in the world, even if the trauma would never fully fade away. Making new friends was plenty to celebrate as it was. Worrying about the psychological damage her abusive mother left on her would take more time, and Keiko understood that as well as anyone. But in the meantime, having the right friends was quite a help. 

Keiko was still shaking a little when she noticed the strange white flash behind her eyes had faded, her body worn out and spent from all the attention she had received. I wonder how long that was-Keiko was too tired and worn out to move when Joseph, who was no longer hard, pulled out of her carefully, curling up next to her as Leila settled against her on the other side. 

"You know what I wanna do now?" Joseph asked neither of them in particular. 

"What?" 

"This." A moment after the word left his mouth, Joseph passed out. 

With the rain still hitting the roof of the house and the fire still crackling, the peace and calm gave Keiko a lot of room to think, which led her to reach a sudden conclusion very fast. 

"Oh no." 

"What's wrong?" Leila asked her. 

"I have to pee." 

Knowing full well that, given what she had done, she would have had to pee anyways, Keiko was just annoyed that this time it was urgent enough that she couldn't ignore it for a few more moments until she felt not as lazy. Nothing's perfect, she reminded herself, running off to the bathroom. 

Someday, Keiko hoped to have a part in not only restoring the world to a state where people had access to all the benefits they had before the apocalypse, she hoped to make it even better than it had been before. She never expected to find such unusual friends along the way, but despite the ups and down they had been through, Keiko felt certain that with them by her side, her dream would be more likely to come true, and despite everything that had happened to them so far, she figured, that was worth everything in the world and then some. 

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title is based on this news story , which was summarized on reddit as "Arguing With His Girlfriend At 4:30AM, Man Follows Through With Threat To Lie Down In The Middle Of The Road": https://miami.cbslocal.com/2020/12/29/man-struck-killed-arguing-girlfriend/


End file.
